Chapter 31
I fight every urge to rush across the floor and come to his rescue. —Milo Warner
“You’re going to wear out that carpet, son.”
I take Ma’s hint and sink into the easy chair next to the window. It overlooks the skyline of Albany, which is about as impressive as one of the cow pastures behind Jack’s family’s place. If you were raised under the skyline of New York City, anyway.
I’ve never understood how Albany, of all places, ended up being the capital of New York. Greatest fucking city in the world is right down the highway, and they chose this place to use for running the state? Weird-ass decision, if you ask me.
“You’re brooding, Milo,” Ma admonishes me as she keeps her eyes on whatever she’s reading on her tablet. She looks up when I glance over. “You really do care about Noah Hardaway as much as Mia says, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I’ve already said the words more than once, but it feels important to say them again.
Mia and I dropped a few bombshells on my poor mom after Noah disappeared into Ezra’s hold.
But Ma’s not the kind who scares easily.
Her facial expression never changed once over our video call when I told her I’d been dating Stan Hardaway’s son and kept it a secret from her.
And when I told her that Mia and I had figured out what Ezra must be holding over Noah’s head, she just nodded.
“We have work to do, then,” she said.
And when I met her in Albany last night, all she did was hug me. Hard. She held me the same way she used to hold me when I was sick or waking up from a bad dream, and I leaned into that hug like my life depended on it.
I sort of felt like it did, honestly. I’m man enough to admit that I’ve been hanging on by a thread since Noah left Devon Falls.
His ghost has been tracking me everywhere: the cabin where we once slept together, the workout rooms where we painted and did yoga together, the gondola where I rescued him and Bear the first time we re-met.
Bear whines slightly, like she knows I’m thinking about her, and leans against my leg.
“I know you miss him too, girl,” I whisper to her.
She makes a whimpering noise and lies down across my foot.
Technically this hotel doesn’t allow dogs, but Ma took one look at her new “granddog” and wasn’t taking no for an answer where that granddog was concerned.
So, Bear’s here with us, ready to welcome Noah back where he belongs.
If Scout can get him up here. He’s been gone for almost forty-three minutes. Not that I’m counting. “Maybe I’ll take Bear for a quick walk,” I say, standing suddenly.
Ma smiles and looks down at the dog. “She looks just fine to me. Aren’t you, honey? Do you want a hug from your grandma?” She coos the last words, and Bear eagerly leaves my shoe to trot across the room and into Ma’s pats and scritches.
“I’ve never even technically adopted her,” I mumble. Ma just waves that statement off with one hand.
“Pshaw. She chose you. You chose her. What else matters, son?”
I go back to pacing.
Forty-four minutes. Then forty-five. My heart’s getting louder in my ears now, all my nervous energy rushing through my blood. “Milo,” Ma says softly. “Why don’t we—”
That’s when the door of the hotel room swings open. “Got him!” Scout announces cheerfully as he charges into the room. “Well, Lucia got him, but I’m taking all the credit.” He steps out of the doorway.
And standing there, as if Scout conjured him up from one of my dreams, is Noah Hardaway.
Bear lets out a sharp bark and charges toward Noah excitedly. He drops to his knees as she tackles him. “I missed you too, girl. Take it easy,” he adds as she bathes his face in doggy kisses. “I missed you so much,” he says again, and he buries his face in her fur.
All I want to do is race across the room and bury myself in him.
Bury him in me. But now my feet are frozen, finally still on the carpet, my heart in my throat as I rememorize every inch of him.
Soft eyes, strong cheekbones. Perfect lips.
The button-up shirt he’s wearing looks wrong on him, and I wonder what t-shirt he wishes he were wearing instead right now.
“Noah.” Ma, as usual, never loses a moment of composure as she lightly steps across the room and holds out a hand.
“I’m Lilah Warner. For all the years we’ve spent traveling in the same circles, I don’t believe we’ve ever met.
But I’ve heard the most wonderful things about you from your father and from my son. ”
Noah stands awkwardly to shake her hand while Bear stays attached to his leg. “Same, ma’am. And, uh, I’ve always admired your political work.”
“I’ve always admired your father’s work as well.
” Ma keeps her gaze on Noah, and I recognize the facial expression she’s got on: it’s the one she wears in her most important committee meetings.
She’s not going to let any of us ignore the elephants standing around this room.
“In fact, I like him very much. So I’m concerned to hear you aren’t telling him that his COS is a lying con artist who’s already unleashed hell on my son and is threatening to do it again. ”
Noah’s face instantly loses all color, and I fight every urge to rush across the floor and come to his rescue.
Ma and I talked through what needed to happen in this conversation when she suggested it.
“Noah has to be the one to make his own choices about how we proceed with Stan,” she told me.
“I’ll offer to talk to his father myself, but that plan only moves forward if he accepts that offer.
His relationship with his father is still at stake here.
The choice needs to be his, Milo. Not yours. ”
I knew she was right. But standing here now, so close to Noah but unable to even touch him, I’m definitely regretting that I agreed to this approach.
Noah purses his lips. “Scout told me that Mia’s PI figured it all out.
Ezra’s connection to me and Uncle Stan.” His eyes drift toward me, just for a moment, and then back to my mother.
“And that she found out what Ezra did to Milo.” Noah clears his throat.
“We made a deal. I’d help him get Uncle Stan to run, and Noah said he’d leave Milo alone. Permanently.”
“And you believe him?” Ma raises an eyebrow. “I can’t say his word sounds like it’s worth much.”
“I know.” Noah nods. “I have a recording of him admitting to everything. If he doesn’t keep his word about Milo…
” Noah nods toward me. “Then I tell my dad everything.” He sighs.
“To be honest, though, I’m not even sure Uncle Stan would believe me right now.
Ezra’s painted us both into some tiny corners.
” He pulls himself up to his full height.
“That’s why I decided Milo and I needed to cut ties.
It’s the safest thing to do. I can keep an eye on Ezra, and I always have that recording if I need to try and use it.
Milo gets left alone. And hopefully I can keep Ezra away from you too, ma’am,” he adds to my mother.
Ma sends me a glance. This is the part neither of us were totally sure of: just how much evidence Noah had to prove the truth about Ezra to Stan.
But even if they weren’t engaged in some kind of mutually assured destruction pact, which we both thought was the case, Ma insisted she still wanted to talk to Noah’s father.
“Mia’s friend found us everything we need for me to go to Stan,” she told me. “All we need is Noah’s consent.”
She steps toward him now. “Noah. I’d like your permission to take that recording to your father and tell him what we’ve all learned about Ezra. Unless you’d like to do it yourself, of course.”
Noah shakes his head, hard and fast. “I’ve thought about this.
I really have.” He starts to look my way again and then stops quickly.
I can see the pain in his eyes, the determination holding him together right now.
“Ezra showed me the clips he has from those parents.” He swallows hard and blinks.
“They’re… awful. Cruel. Nasty. The anger in them is something Milo should never have to see.
They are so, so much worse than what Ezra shared with the public before.
Another political advisor wouldn’t even touch them, I don’t think.
But Ezra? He would. And knowing him, he’ll look for more. ”
Noah keeps his eyes trained on my mother as he keeps going, and I can’t help the warmth of pride that moves up through me. He’s so confident. So sure of himself.
“Ezra’s made this whole governor’s race thing about my mother.
It’s personal for him now. He will keep coming for Milo in ways no one else ever would.
” He sighs. “And if I tell Uncle Stan, Ezra will make sure Milo pays, whether he gets fired or not.” I know he’s thinking about the strange power of persuasion Ezra’s had over his father.
He’s not even sure the recording he has of Ezra can do the work it needs to do to ensure Ezra loses his job.
“I understand,” Ma says evenly. “I want you to know that, Noah. I want you to know that I absolutely understand all the risks here, particularly the risks to my son. So does he.”
Noah keeps his eyes away from me still.
“And,” Ma goes on. “I’d like you to understand that even though we both know those risks, I still want you to share that recording with me so I can take it to your father and have a conversation with him.”
Noah bites his lip. Then he shakes his head. “That smear campaign hurt Milo so badly,” he whispers. I don’t miss that he keeps talking about me like I’m not even in the room. Like he can’t bear to fully acknowledge my presence.
“It did.” Ma smiles sadly. “And you’ve been hurt too.
So let’s stop protecting the person causing all this harm, okay?
I understand why you might not trust yourself to talk to your father about this, not after everything that’s happened.
I know you don’t believe that you have any way forward here but to hold onto Ezra’s lies for him.
I know you’ve lost a great deal in your life, and I can only imagine how those losses weigh on the choices you’re making right now. ”
Noah frowns and blinks hard.
“But,” Ma goes on. “I need you to hear me when I say this. My son tells me his feelings for you are so strong that for him, you’re worth taking any risk in the world.
Whatever happens next with Ezra, he’s more than comfortable with the outcome.
Whatever wrath Ezra may try to bring to my son or your father or you, you won’t be alone in this world, Noah, because my son wants you beside him. Always.”
That’s when Noah’s eyes widen. And that’s when he turns to look at me. Really, fully look at me.
Our eyes lock, and I see so much in him then. Apology. Desire. Sadness. Maybe just a little bit of hope.
I draw in a long breath and wait to see what Noah Hardaway says next.