Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Evie
I’m living in an alternate reality.
Honestly, I’m deeply unimpressed with my brain’s ability to function right now. I managed life with a newborn after fleeing my abusive fiancé and then being kidnapped by said fiancé. I moved forward.
But right now? My brain is stuck in a honey-like substance and it’s making me feel like an alien in my own skin.
Declan Ryan wants to marry me to help me.
He is not concerned about his own life or the many sacrifices he’d be making.
And he’s meeting with my lawyer to talk it through.
It’s all so unbelievable, but it’s happening. And not in the Upside Down or an alternate universe. We leave the building at the same time, and he slings his leather messenger bag over one shoulder and heads in the direction of the law office.
He’s actually doing it. I don’t know why I’m surprised because again, this is someone who does what he says he’ll do, but I guess that’s just how unreal this all feels.
I’m half tempted to run after him and meet with him and Davis, but I’m so muddled, I’m not sure there’s any point. Plus Hazel and Clementine are expecting me to get Charlie at our usual time, and I can hardly think of anything better than my baby, sweatpants, and my couch.
And at some point, a really, really big bowl of ice cream.
Tomorrow. Everything picks up tomorrow.
Once we’re home and I’ve drummed up dinner for both of us, I play with my little boy until it’s his bedtime. I wish tonight weren’t Friday so I could beg Sam to come over, but she’ll be at the Ryan family dinner.
That sends a jolt through me because so will Declan.
I know the Ryans by name, of course, and via life in a small town.
I see the entire family at least once a year when they come in for their annual checkups at the clinic, but I also see them around.
May at Corner Coffee, Eirinn and the kids out and about, Mary and Connor, the parents, at the market or town meetings.
Finn’s friendly and works at the gym, or maybe just works out a lot?
Either way, it’s right downtown so I see him, plus he comes in to meet Declan for lunch every other week.
And of course, I see Grant since he’s the sheriff and also happens to be the person who delivered Charlie on the side of the road.
But I don’t know them. I have no idea how they’ll react to the news that Declan and I are getting married, and it’s not something we could keep quiet. We’d actually probably want to be loud about it, for the judge’s sake. I’m guessing it’s one more thing he hasn’t considered.
If Davis agrees it’s a good idea, we’ll have to talk through all of this. Every possible angle. I don’t want to mess things up with his family, and I don’t want to ruin his life.
But I do want to keep Charlie—both because I believe I am the person who can raise him best, and because I don’t have any faith Trevor actually wants him so he can be a father. I cannot allow him to have Charlie.
Maybe it’s the clarity I have on the matter that makes me feel so numb about all of this. I don’t have anything to grapple with because if Davis says it’ll look good to the court, then it’s a done deal on my end. The only hesitation I have is what Declan will be giving up.
I make it through the night by promising myself that if Declan wants to move forward, I will grill him with all of my concerns before we go through with it.
My amazing sitter aka Charlie’s beloved teacher Clementine arrives, and I leave a few minutes early, promising myself I will not sweat through my T-shirt and I will not cry.
She’s a dreamer, folks.
But when I arrive at Corner Coffee and May waves me in with her gorgeous red hair in two braids and a beaming smile on her face, she tips her head to the side and tells me, “Dec already got your order.”
I don’t even have time to admire the new monthly special scrawled on an adorably hand-drawn chalk board on the counter, or appreciate the beautiful menus hung on the wall behind her.
I don’t survey the pastry case on the left or linger, because I’m out of time thanks to Declan’s foresight.
I can’t very well stand here and pretend like I have business with May when I have nothing to buy, can I?
Sure enough, he’s sitting at a two-person table next to the window as far from the counter as possible.
There’s one other person here this early, but the bell over the door rings signaling someone’s coming in.
It won’t be quiet, but maybe the bustle of people will give us more privacy than if it were silent in here.
The sun shines in the big picture windows out front but the streets are quiet, so maybe no one will even see us sitting here.
Though if we’re doing this, being seen would be good, wouldn’t it?
I approach and Declan stands because he is unfailingly well-mannered. He is also obnoxiously handsome this morning. At work, he tends to wear slacks and a collared shirt with his white doctor’s coat over top just like Doc Martinez does, but today, he’s in jeans and a T-shirt.
I’m sure I’ve seen him like this before, but I can’t think of when. For some reason, seeing him out of his Dr. Ryan uniform makes me feel even more nervous.
“Good morning.”
My pulse is racing when I reply, “Morning.”
He gestures to the seat across from him, which is unnecessary and yet I have no doubt I look like a lost little puppy right now. Why am I noticing the stretch of his shirt over his firm biceps? Why are my eyes lingering on the way the fabric pulls over his chest?
“I ordered you an iced coffee with vanilla.”
“Thank you.”
Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised he somehow knows my order. After all, he likely just asked May what I usually get. But this sexy Saturday morning version of Declan Ryan has me even more discombobulated than when I arrived, and that’s not awesome.
He does not need to be doing things to make me more attracted to him.
“Davis agrees this would ultimately be beneficial,” he starts.
Okay, no preamble. We’re diving right in.
What else would we be doing, Evie?
“Since we’ve known each other for a year, that should make it appear less sudden,” he continues. “Also, my career being a traditionally respected one known for having a stable income is also to our advantage.”
Our advantage.
“Okay.”
His gaze pierces me when I look up.
“If you don’t want to do this, we don’t. But it’s worth noting Davis thinks it’ll give you an edge.”
I realize something I probably should’ve long before this moment. “Isn’t it illegal for my lawyer to know it’s a fake—”
“I said nothing about it being an agreement. I said I’d been wanting to propose but had held off because of this. I then wondered if perhaps I should stop waiting, and he confirmed it wouldn’t be harmful and may, in fact, be helpful.”
He’s so matter-of-fact about this, about having lied to his brother-in-law who is my lawyer, and I’m… I need a moment. This isn’t wrong, is it?
I take a breath, but there’s nothing to think about, is there? It’s Charlie. Custody. My baby.
The sooner we get to it, the sooner this nightmare will be over.
“I’ll do it, but I have to be able to ask you every question swirling around in my mind or I think I might explode.” I exhale sharply.
One corner of his mouth pulls up. “Spontaneous explosion is quite rare for humans.”
“Combust, then.”
“Spontaneous combustion is similarly rare.”
I shoot him a glare, but the knot in my belly is loosening. He’s dry as all get out, but he’s here engaging with me. And he’s giving me that hint of humor I see him share with patients and occasionally his brothers when I get to see them together.
“Well, that’s a relief. I’d still like to ask some things.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment, almost like he’s willing me to believe him with that look. “You can ask me anything and I will give you an honest answer.”
Something about the way he says this feels weighty. There’s a gravity to it, like he’ll slice himself open if only I say the words.
“Okay. Well, first, what kind of timing are you thinking? Did you and Davis talk about that?”
He sets his coffee mug down after taking a drink. “He suggested we allow for a short period of engagement, something like two weeks, and then marry.”
I swallow hard. “Right. Okay. And we just go to the courthouse?”
“Yes. Simple. We’ll need witnesses, but since we’re not keeping this a secret, I imagine you’ll ask Sam and I could ask Grant to keep it simple.”
“We won’t keep it a secret.” I repeat this because I’m absorbing it. I hadn’t thought through the implications either way, but I suppose I didn’t think it’d be a secret since I also thought about him not being able to date if people know we’re married.
“Making sure people in the community know about our marriage will solidify it. It’s unlikely there’d be suspicion, but since the timing will seem rushed, it’s best we aren’t in a position to have someone sniffing around and finding out we’ve kept it quiet.
We don’t want to do anything that seems suspect. ”
He’s so sturdy and clear about all of this, you’d think he was talking about the morning work schedule or recommending his accountant. Certainly not a plan to marry in order to make sure I keep my child.
Although it’s not exactly nefarious. I can’t imagine him doing anything truly wrong.
“Makes sense. So, you’ll tell your family?”
He nods. “And you’ll tell Sam. Jack. Anyone else you’d like to. We’ll tell the staff, though I don’t expect any issues.”
My cheeks heat. I hadn’t thought about how it’ll look to Maggie, or the nurses and Dr. Martinez, to learn I’ve been dating him, which they’ll rightfully assume.
A warm hand covers mine. I look up to find him watching me.
“We don’t have to do any of this.” He withdraws his touch.
It was so fleeting, but so nice. I am touched constantly by Charlie, but otherwise, I’m sort of starved for contact. It’s probably a little pathetic how much I liked his rough palm on my hand.
It’s even more pathetic how I get a flash of those palms elsewhere. Down, girl.
“I know. I want to. I just hadn’t thought through it all.”
He nods. “I’m sure we’ll encounter more we haven’t thought of. But regarding work, there’s no policy we’re breaking. There’s also nothing to feel bad about.”
“I know. You’re right.”
“What are your other concerns as of now?”
The heat in my cheeks goes nowhere as the thoughts hit instantly. I press my lips together because I’m feeling so foolish and na?ve, and I don’t even know why. It’s not like it’s every day people engage in a marriage of convenience, regardless of what romance authors would have us believe.
“Tell me, Evie.”
His words and that sure, demanding tone urge me on enough. “How long are you thinking? What will you do for your… personal needs? Will you still see people? I—I’m sorry, that’s so intrusive, but—”
“I told you I’d answer whatever you ask. I’m not sure about duration. We can get Davis’s take on that—though no, we can’t actually ask him that. But I’m not concerned. A few years if we need to make sure Charlie’s safe. And no.”
“No?”
“Under no circumstances would I be unfaithful to you. My needs come second to yours, period.”