28. Grey
GREY
Igently nudge Willow to try to wake her up, and I have to move back when her little fist shoots out and almost punches me in the face. Her eyes were closed, yet my spitfire’s fist almost connected with my nose.
Flame quietly laughs and says, “I guess we know to wear protective gear to wake her up.” She looks so peaceful when she sleeps, but I guess she is still a wildcard when passed out.
“I’ll take her to her room,” I tell Flame as I stand up from the couch.
Flame nods and stands up, stretching his arms over his head.
I wonder if, like me, his arm fell asleep a few hours ago.
I pushed through the pain, trying not to wake her up by moving.
I was so comfortable with her on me that I almost fell asleep too, but I didn’t want to miss a second of this.
Flame turns off the TV and cleans up the snacks that we brought out after a few episodes.
I pick her up, cradling her small body in my arms. She’s so tiny and light; I think back to how much she ate at dinner.
She needs to stop getting distracted and eat more.
I know she likes sweets, so I make a mental note to find the snacks that I saw her eating in Colombia and order some for her when I get back to my room.
I get to her door and push it open with my elbow. She has a lamp on the nightstand that was left on, and it gives a soft glow to the room. I walk over to her massive bed and place her in the middle of it, wondering how she can get on this thing every day with how tall it is.
I look down at her in the soft light. Her hair has mostly escaped from her bun that she had it in while making dinner.
Her delicate features are relaxed as she sleeps, and she lets out cute little snores.
I’ve caught her checking me out when we are in the same room together, but I also see her snap out of it the moment that she realizes that she is doing it, taking away the warmth that I feel when her attention is on only me.
I have no idea why it pissed me off so much before.
Now, I am starting to see that I took her attention on me as an insult to Addison.
I want her to be able to admit that she wants me.
I want her to be able to be comfortable enough around me that she initiates contact, or at least doesn’t tense up when I do, like when she’s with Flame.
I know I did this to myself by pushing her away.
I know I will have to tell her about Addison so she can understand why I treated her like shit.
There’s no excuse for how I spoke to her, and I know that.
I also know that she is selfless and understanding, so I have a good chance of being forgiven.
I will have to work for her to trust that I will not go back to being an asshole, but she’s worth it.
I’m not good with words like Flame, which made me nervous that I wouldn’t be able to reassure her and make her let her guard down around me.
I have always been better at communicating through actions.
Giving her the coffee earlier was the first thing that I could think of to show her that I pay attention to what she likes.
Strangely enough, I’m glad to have Flame to take the lead in this situation.
I haven’t thought about starting something with someone since I was in high school, and I’m even worse around women now after avoiding them for so long.
I have no idea how this will work between the three of us.
I’ve seen a few of these relationships while in the military.
They were common since one person could be deployed and the other two would be there for each other while they waited for the third to come back.
It never crossed my mind; I thought I would only ever love my wife.
After she died, something in me broke. Our relationship was strained from me being away for so long, but to have any chance of making it work ripped away from you will always make you wonder what it could have been.
Would I have retired from the military? Would there have been kids?
Would I have worked a nine to five while she stayed home?
Part of me even wonders if I would have been happy with that.
The military always made sense to me. There were clear orders given and goals.
Retiring from the military and becoming a civilian was always something that I thought about later on in life.
Addison wanted to settle down and always thought of my enlisting as a stepping-stone to get us started.
I saw it as a life. We were growing apart for a long time, and neither of us was ready to accept that we wanted different things.
I don’t think that I will ever be able to fully accept that she is gone, but I need something else besides work in my life.
I have no idea how to do it, but I need to be living again, which is easier said than done.
I’m scared shitless. I know that I will fuck this up; it’s what I do when I let someone in.
I gently push a strand of hair off of her face and tuck it behind her ear, and she stirs. I brace myself for her to throw another punch, but this time, she looks up at me with a small smile and says, “Hi,” in a voice that’s rough from sleep.
I feel the edges of my mouth start to turn up as I whisper back, “You fell asleep on the couch and tried to sucker punch me. I carried you in your room instead of you trying to do it again.”
“Thanks,” is all she says before her eyelids start to close. I start to turn to walk towards the door and I feel her small, warm hand on my arm, stopping me. “Stay,” she says as her eyes are still closed.
I am frozen on the spot, not sure what to do. She asked me to stay. I have no idea why, though; she was still hesitant around me a few hours ago. Could she really be okay with me staying with her in her bed? Does she have me mixed up with Flame in her half-awake state?
I want to stay. With the stalker being able to come and go as he pleases, I don’t want her out of my sight.
Now that I’m all in for this relationship, I don’t want her to have time away from me to realize I’m an asshole with too much baggage that she should run the fuck away from.
What if she wakes up in the morning and doesn’t remember asking me to stay with her and she freaks out?
“Stop,” she suddenly says, putting an end to the pros and cons list that I have going on in my head. “Stop what you’re freaking out about. I’m just going with it at this point, and if I have to, so do you. Get your ass in the bed. We aren’t doing anything but sleeping.”
“Okay,” I say, not willing to argue with her and talk myself out of it.
I take my shoes and shirt off, keeping on the basketball shorts that I had on and slide in under the thick, white down comforter with her.
I make myself comfortable and immediately fall asleep, surrounded by the smell of flowers.
I wake up from something tickling my face. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to get a full night of sleep. I usually wake up multiple times from dreams of Addison or memories of battle zones, but last night, I had the luxury of a dreamless rest.
I blink open my eyes, letting them adjust to the daylight coming through windows. I look down, realizing that Willow’s wild hair, which completely broke free from the bun while we slept, is now in my face. I try to brush it away, but the curls keep moving back to where they were.
At some point during the night, we shifted. She is now cuddled up against my side, with her head on my chest. She looks beautiful in the morning, even with the small amount of drool on her chin and on my chest.
Like she knew I was awake, her eyes suddenly open, locking with mine.
She gives me a shy smile, which immediately drops, and I see her wipe the drool from her face.
Her face is turning pink as she goes to sit up, but I keep my arms locked around her.
I know the second she gets out of this bed, we will have to go back to the real world.
The world where she is in danger, and the world that I will have to have the talk with Michael.
I know there is no rule about employees dating his daughter, but I also don’t see him being thrilled about it.
Especially considering the phone call I had with him after he saw the photos of Willow and Flame kissing.
I’m not easily intimidated, but I have seen Michael in action.
Add in the fact that I would be pursuing his only daughter, and I am not looking forward to that conversation.
“We should get up,” Willow says while pulling against the hold that I have her in.
“The second that your feet touch the floor, we have to start the day. I want a few more minutes,” I say while sliding my hand up and down her arm that is still slung across my stomach, noticing the goosebumps that pop up from the contact.
“We can have a few more minutes, but I need to get my workout in. I’m not sure if Knox will be there. I think I broke him yesterday,” she says with a guilty look on her face.
“He’s going to have to get some endurance to keep up with you, Spitfire.
” We lay there in comfortable silence with her head on my chest and her arm slung over me.
I slide my hand up and down her arm and twist a lock of her hair around my finger with my other hand, completely relaxed.
It’s almost peaceful in our own little world.
“What changed?” she asks, breaking the silence.
I don’t want to tell her about what Flame and I spoke about until he’s around.
I decide to try and explain my actions, and she keeps her head on my chest, tracing one of the eagle tattoos with her small, delicate fingers, not looking at me.
I’m not sure if she’s avoiding eye contact for her or for me, but I appreciate it either way.
I’m not good with words, especially talking about how I feel, so not having her look at me with blue eyes that are able to see through my bullshit is a plus.