28. Grey #2
“Everything changed. Did your dad ever tell you about my wife?” I ask, and I’m assuming not because she immediately tenses the second that the word leaves my mouth.
I quickly move on to calm her down after I realize how it sounded.
“Not like that. I’m a widower—she has been gone for about six years now.
She died when we were twenty-eight, when I was deployed.
” Her body relaxes against me, and I take that as a sign to continue.
“We got married when we were eighteen, right before I enlisted. I wasn’t in a great place after she died.
I was gone when she needed me the most, and we were fighting the last time we spoke.
It wasn’t until I got back for her funeral that I learned that she filed for divorce before she died…
” I trail off at the end of my sentence as the memories of seeing her in her casket crash into me.
Addison’s mom and sister did it all and only said, “You weren’t present in planning her life, why would you be present in her death?
” Those words pierced me so deeply; it was the last straw.
The second I got back to base, I started the paperwork to retire.
I blamed my job for pushing her away. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I was the one that pushed her away.
Willow listened intently until I was done.
She picks her head up and looks into my eyes, and in a quiet, sincere voice says, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“Only Michael knows, and only the basics. He wanted to know why I left when I was in for so long and was so close to ranking up,” I reply while shrugging my shoulders.
I look away from her beautiful blue eyes and focus on her tiny hand that is still on my chest and lay my big one over it, marveling in the size difference.
“I decided after Addison, I was done with relationships. I fucked up the first one so badly that she was going to leave me, but instead had to die alone in a car crash. I loved her, and slowly pushed her away because I was afraid that if I let her get to know the new me that was scarred and constantly surrounded by death and war, she wouldn’t recognize me.
I was so different from the caring boy that she married—she would have run away screaming.
By the time she died, I realized that I wasn’t even shocked or sad that she was going to divorce me.
I ruined her life with my selfishness. I was sad that she died, but I didn’t mourn my marriage.
I had let that die long before she did,” I say, having no idea if I am talking in circles at this point, trying to explain how I feel.
She needs to know how badly I fucked up. She needs to know that I am horrible at relationships, and that I could fuck this one up, too. I hope she will give me a chance, that she could take me with all the baggage.
She stays quiet, most likely trying to find a way to untangle herself from me and show me the door.
“I was a dick to you at first because I saw how everyone at Vital treats you. I thought you were a spoiled brat that everyone worshipped. But then I saw you how they did. I understood why everyone treats you like you are the center of the universe, because you are. You care about them and fight for them. I get the men at Vital being obsessed with you. I thought it was because you led them on, but it’s because you see them as individuals, not just part of an army. ”
She lifts her face towards me again, and her eyes meet mine as she asks, “What men?” while looking at me like I’m crazy for thinking that people are interested in her.
That was not what I thought she would focus on, but I should stop trying to guess what is going to come out of her mouth. I will always be wrong.
“You don’t need to worry about that,” is all I reply while pulling her back to me and settling her head back on its newly claimed spot on my chest. She doesn’t need to worry about other men. She is mine. Well, and Flame’s, too, but that’s fuckin’ it.
We stay like that for a bit; I’m guessing she’s going over what I said.
Every second that crawls by is making my skin feel tight as I wait for her to say something.
Unfortunately for her, I’m too selfish to stay away from this challenging and infuriating woman.
I can’t see her face, but I get more tense as we lay there, wondering which of my many sins she will pick to start being disgusted with.
But like always, my spitfire shocks the shit out of me and starts gently tracing designs on my chest again with her finger. “I’m sorry that happened with your wife, Greyson. Thank you for telling me.” I’ve hated my full name all my life, but when she says it, it almost sounds intimate.
I wait for a moment for her to finish the rejection that I’m certain is coming.
When it doesn’t, I ask, “That’s it? You hear that I ruined my wife’s life because I was a piece-of-shit husband to her, and then I took my anger out on you by being a dick, and all you have to say is ‘thank you for telling me’?
” I’m not sure if I’m pissed that she doesn’t understand what I told her, or if it’s because she does understand it, and she’s not holding it against me like I deserve.
“What else is there to say? Everyone has a past. I can’t hold something against you that I wasn’t there for, or even a part of.
It’s a horrible situation, and I’m so sorry that you lost her like that, but you changed because of it, that’s all a person can do,” she says, and once again, I’m hit with the fact that she is way too good for me.
She looks up at me in my shocked state and says, “Wanna go to the gym with me and Knox? He seemed irritated when I brought up not sparring yesterday.”
I feel the edges of my mouth start to turn up and release her from my hold that was keeping her on the bed with me.
The only things that could get me out of this bed would be to go see my girl work out in tight shorts, watching Flame try to keep up with her, and maybe having a chance to kick his ass in the ring.