29. Willow
WILLOW
It’s been over a week, and the stalker hasn’t left any more bad poetry or pictures.
The guys are with me every time I leave the house, and they usually hang around me when I’m working at home.
I thought it would drive me crazy to always have one of them around, but surprisingly, I haven’t had the urge to stab anyone.
I will be on my laptop on the couch while they hang out and do their own thing, usually pulling me into a snuggle while we work, which I’m not complaining about.
I never thought I would be okay with someone constantly having their hands on me. I never liked strangers touching me, but when it comes to Knox or Grey, I always find myself leaning into it.
Grey will read one of his biographies like an “old man,” which he does not appreciate me pointing out, and Knox will sketch or work on paperwork for the shop.
He is just happy that Jackson will be home soon and be back in charge of it.
I think he left it for Knox as a punishment for not going to the expo with him.
I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on between the three of us.
Knox will give me small, sweet kisses every time he says goodbye as he leaves for the shop.
His arms are pulling me to him whenever I’m within grabbing distance.
But that has been it since mine and Grey’s relationship changed into whatever it is now.
Grey’s touch is subtle, so much so that it took me a few days to realize that his hand brushing against my waist when he passes me, or that him slowly inching closer to me as we sit, is deliberate.
After a day or two, they became more intentional. I haven’t seen either of them get jealous or possessive. I would shut that down real fast. I have been around men with egos my entire life, and I refuse to have a standoff in my home… Unless I’m in the standoff. Then that’s okay.
Grey has a habit of kissing the top of my head as he walks by, or my forehead before he leaves on the days that Knox stays with me.
Every night before bed, all three of us end up on the couch, watching a crime documentary or a cooking show.
I know they do it for me, but I think they are starting to really get into them.
After Grey slept in my room, Knox was annoyed.
He made the rule that they get to switch off on that, too, so from that moment on, I’ve woken up wrapped around one of them.
You would think that after a few days, seeing them shirtless would lose its effect, but it turns out it hasn’t.
I think it amuses them that I still blush and try my hardest not to check out their toned, muscled stomachs, the gorgeous tattoos that I want to trace with my fingers, or the deep V of their hips that disappear into their shorts.
If I have to have my brain melt because of how sexy they are much longer, I swear I am going to fucking snap.
I appreciate them taking whatever this is slow, but a girl can only take so much!
I have no idea if they are just doing this for the time that they stay here, or if they are going to ask me to choose when they get to leave and life goes back to “normal.” That thought alone makes my heart race.
No matter who I chose, neither relationship would really work out.
Being with Knox means that I would have to be involved in his club, and besides Jackson, I don’t think I want to be around his Brothers.
I would never be able to let my guard down there.
If they teamed up against my young, sweet mom because she was an outsider, what would stop them from doing the same to me?
As the President, he would be the face of the club, and I would have to spend time at the clubhouse if I ever wanted to see him.
I don’t think I can do that without it ending in casualties.
I know that as the President’s ‘Ol Lady, Aunt Jaz has to hold her tongue and “not make waves.” I would never be able to do that. Not to mention the fact that he is Jackson’s best friend. That would be asking for a shit show.
Then there’s Grey. I always wanted to keep a possible love life separate from my family.
Which is probably the reason that I have never had a relationship, since I am always either working or hanging out with my family.
I love them, but they can be overbearing on their best days.
Grey loves his job and the soldiers at Vital.
He fits there, and I would never want to ruin that for him if we didn’t work out.
I’m not sure how he would even feel about a real relationship after how his marriage ended. How would I be able to trust that he won’t get all tortured and broody and pull away from me, leaving me all alone while he pulls himself out of it?
Even with their flaws, I don’t think I could make that choice.
It hasn’t been that long, but I couldn’t imagine hurting one of them.
I need to sit down with them and just ask them what is going on.
I’m already going in blind. With my limited experience, even though I decided to let go and let things happen, I can’t stop my insecurities or the lists of how things could go wrong.
I never wanted to be like this! One of those girls that sits around, overanalyzing everything about a relationship that isn’t even official.
I need to put on my big girl panties and just ask them, even if it may bring an end to whatever this is.
It’s better to end it now if it’s not real.
I may feel embarrassed and hurt, but it would be better to cut things off before I fall any deeper and can’t recover.
I try to map out exactly what I’m going to say as I make dinner.
So far, all I have is that I am going to make a huge dinner, act like everything is normal, then start the conversation.
The only problem is that I have no fucking clue how to do that!
I realize I'm going to have to wing this and hope that they don’t realize that I am an insecure, socially awkward mess that isn’t worth all of the work that they seem to be putting in.
I’m lost in thought, standing at the stove and flipping the steaks that I took out this morning, when I feel arms wrap around my waist. I tense at first in surprise and look down at the arms. I see the full sleeve of colorful tattoos that I have had time to memorize over the last week and relax into Knox’s embrace.
“What are you making?” he asks against the skin between my neck and shoulder and gives me a small nip, making goosebumps erupt all over my body.
Clearing my throat to try and hide how much he is affecting me, I reply, “Steaks. I have some sides in the oven. I figured we would go big tonight since you had a hard time in the gym this morning.” I try to hold back my laughter, but I know he can hear it in my voice.
“You and Grey are fuckin’ insane! I’m not actually sure if you are even human at this point.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Grey was a droid or lizard person, but I’ll keep working out with you guys.
Watching you kick his ass during sparring is worth the unnecessary torture,” he says as he pulls away from me and leans against the counter next to the stove, crossing his arms while looking down at me.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the entire workout now, not just the two-hour session.
You’re keeping up with Grey in the ring now, and he’s been doing it longer than both of us.
I mean, being the geezer that he is, you would think it would slow him down,” I reply, adding the last part because I see Grey standing in the entrance to the kitchen with his arms folded, looking annoyed.
I don’t think Knox saw him, because his eyes shoot to where Grey is standing. “I’m not that fuckin’ old, and I’m in better shape than Knox will ever be, even if I’m eight years older than him.” I can tell he isn’t really annoyed by the smirk that slowly formed as he was speaking.
Grey walks over to me, and just like Knox did, wraps his arms around my waist from behind and kisses me on the cheek.
I relax into him as he rests his chin on the top of my head and says, “Smells good, baby. Need any help?” Over the last week, I’ve learned that Grey can handle himself in the kitchen and likes to help when I cook.
Knox, on the other hand, is banned from my kitchen, unless supervised.
I asked him to keep an eye on the chicken that was cooking one night when Tessa called me about some numbers for the club.
Not sure how, but in the five minutes that it took me to run to my office and walk back, the pan was on fire.
He is now on probation, and the only thing he can help with is chopping ingredients.
“Can you pull the sides out of the oven? I’m about to get the steaks out to rest, and the salad is already in the fridge, ready to go,” I answer.
It’s such a domestic scene, you would never know that it is a home with an MC President, a mercenary, and a contract killer in it.
I mean, when you think about it like that, it sounds like the start of a bad joke.
“Sounds good, babe,” Grey says as he releases me, kissing me on the top of the head and walking over to the oven.
He’s started calling me “babe,” and even though I get the flutter in my chest whenever he or Knox calls me that, it’s followed by the sinking feeling.
Eventually, one or both will have to stop.
When the steaks are ready, Knox grabs the plates, and we sit down in our usual places of me at the end of the island with them on either side.
We all start loading them up, talking about our days and timelines like we have every day this week.
I savor it for the first half of the meal.
There’s a chance that it will all change once I bring up the topic that I have been dreading.