29. Willow #2
I wait for a comfortable lull in the conversation, when the guys are focused on the food in front of them. I’m trying to find a delicate way to bring it up, but when I can’t think of anything, I just blurt out, “What are we doing?”
They both freeze mid-chew and look at me. Their eyes then shift as they make eye contact across the kitchen island, having a silent conversation while they slowly finish chewing before turning back to me.
Knox clears his throat. “What do you mean?”
“Seriously?” I ask him, raising my eyebrow.
I elaborate, because clearly, they need me to embarrass myself and sound as insecure as I feel.
“The flirting? The touching? The snuggling? Or the fact that you are both doing it and don’t seem to care that the other is doing it?
I have no experience with this, but I feel like that’s not normal when a guy is interested in a woman.
Is this all a game, and you guys are just trying to see who I pick?
I really can’t handle being a pawn that you are manipulating in some power play.
” I finish my nervous rambling, leaving it all on the table.
They both give me shocked expressions. I think I can see a little hurt on their faces, like they are upset at my questions. How did they think I would feel?! They haven’t explained anything to me at this point.
“We would never do that,” Grey says while grabbing my hand that was in my lap and looking into my eyes.
I turn my attention to Knox as he adds, “We couldn’t hurt you like that, Willow.
” He gives a look to Grey, who nods at him, and Knox continues as he takes my other hand in his.
“We both want a relationship with you.” I can feel my eyebrows practically hit my hairline in shock. I try to process what he just said.
When I don’t respond, he pushes on. “We understand that you have your own life, and we would never ask you to change it because of us. Grey and I have lives that aren’t the norm, and we want a woman that could handle how we live.
Individually, we could never offer you the relationship that you deserve.
This way, we can make sure you have the love and support that you need.
” Knox takes a breath like he is relieved to have it out in the open, not worrying about all the questions that came up from his explanation.
Like the small explanation makes this idea seem possible.
“Why would you guys be okay with me being with both of you?” I say while trying to take my hands out of theirs, but they tighten their holds so I can’t pull away.
“We know we can’t offer you everything that you would need individually.
We all have crazy schedules, demanding, dangerous jobs, and don’t get me started on our collective baggage.
We have both seen polyamorous relationships, but never saw how it could work until you.
We know that we don’t deserve you. But we are also too selfish to walk away so some other guy could try,” Knox says in a confident voice.
Clearly, he has had some time to put together his list of pros on the subject.
“Both of us are gone a lot of the time because of our commitments, and you know why I can’t leave you alone while I’m gone,” Grey adds.
His thumb starts tracing little circles on the back of my hand as he speaks, giving me a thoughtful look.
It hits me then that he is afraid that what happened with him and his wife would happen to us, that he would be away so much and leave me here, missing him until we grow apart.
I can see where he’s coming from, but I still feel like this is an extreme solution.
Part of me is ecstatic that I don’t have to choose.
But the other part of me is wondering when they will realize that they need more from me than I can offer.
There is no way I can make both of these guys happy.
They are complete opposites, and even though there is a part of me that reaches out to both of them, how could they be satisfied with half of me?
I didn’t even realize that I said that last part out loud until Knox says in a soft voice, “We would rather have to share you than not have you at all. You are more than enough for us. You are strong, caring, and beautiful. We would never risk losing you.”
I take a moment, looking down at my food while I try to understand what they are saying. I’m not sure how long it takes me to work through my internal battle, but the guys just sit in silence. I can feel their eyes zero in on my face, trying to read my thoughts through my expressions.
When I can finally speak through my warring feelings, I say, “So, what you guys are proposing is that I’m in a serious relationship with both of you.” They both nod, but don’t interrupt, which I appreciate because at this point, all I have are questions.
“Do you guys get to date other women? I know it would be weird, since I would get both of you, but I don’t think I could handle that,” I ask, trying to get all the details before we move on.
“The reason we’re okay with sharing you is because we know that there is no other woman besides you,” Knox says, and Grey nods in agreement. He is not one for words, but he would speak up if he disagreed.
“Would you guys want to stay how things are now? Or like, have a schedule for you each to have time with me? Because I don’t have a lot of free time, and I don’t want to neglect one of you…
But I barely know what I am doing tomorrow, let alone be able to make a different schedule,” I say.
Partly, I’m still waiting for them to realize that I can’t offer them a girlfriend whose life would be able to revolve around them.
“We know you’re busy, but so are we. We would like to have one-on-one time with you, but just being around you in general is enough for us.
The rest, we will have to figure out as we go.
It’s going to take a while to work out details.
All we need to know is that you want us as much as we want you.
That you are willing to give this a chance,” Grey says, surprising me with his well-thought-out words.
He’s showing all of his cards, and I know that’s hard for him.
I knew Knox was interested in some kind of relationship; the only question I had was how serious.
He made it known from the moment we met.
I just had to realize what was happening.
Grey, on the other hand, surprised me the most. I knew I was attracted to him when I first met him, but his asshole personality helped tamper that down.
When he decided to let his guard down, I knew I was fucked.
Well, not literally. Yet.
I look back and forth between them and see the nervous looks, probably because I haven’t answered yet. I take a breath, let it out slowly, and nod my head once. “I’m in.”
“You’re in?” Grey asks in surprise.
“Yup,” I say simply, taking both of my hands out of theirs and continuing eating. My steak is cold, but I’ll be damned if I throw away a steak, and you can never reheat them back to the perfect temperature.
“I feel like that was pretty anticlimactic,” Knox says while still looking a little confused.
“Did you guys want a parade? With a banner that says ‘Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend’?” I ask, raising my eyebrow at him.
“No, but I mean, a kiss wouldn’t have hurt,” Knox mumbles as he goes back to his food.