Chapter Nine #3
She relaxed a little. In fact this, having just woken, was the most at ease he’d seen her.
There was something so innate to her in this moment.
Her guard was completely down. She was just a woman and a soft, unprotected one, at that.
He knew her strength. He knew her resolve.
But right now, she wasn’t pulling them around her like a cloak.
No part of her was pushing him away. That made the parts of him that were always on edge, preparing for rejection, match her relaxed state.
‘I wish I could stay,’ she said, her eyes latched to his. Something shifted in his chest.
‘I was just thinking the same thing.’
‘Perhaps after Christmas,’ she said, pressing her teeth into her lip. ‘There’s a ball at the palace to bring in the New Year. You could come and afterwards…’
‘If I were to come, there’d be a risk of exposure.’
‘You don’t think we can control ourselves for a few hours?’
She had a point. But the thought of being there and not touching her, of watching her dance with other men, as surely she would, of potentially sifting through the guests, thinking of who would be a suitable husband, had his insides tightening up again, his barriers rebuilding.
‘I’d like you to be there,’ she said. That was all it took. Her needs trumped his, evidently.
‘Then of course I’ll come. I still have a treason charge hanging over my head, don’t I?’
* * *
Astrid’s schedule was too intense to see Javier over the next two days.
She knew that. The thought of her commitments was eye-watering, all the way up until Christmas night, when finally space was allowed for a quiet celebration.
Usually, that involved a movie marathon starting with Love Actually and finishing with Die Hard, a feast of gravlax on rye toast and far too many mince pies, washed down with a little warm cider.
But just contemplating going two days without Javier felt like a cruel and unusual punishment, given their limited time together.
Her whole life was about duty. It had been ever since the accident, ever since she’d lost her whole family. And it would be that way again. Until he left Norvenheim, though, she would need to balance commitment and duty with desire for Javier.
On the morning of Christmas Eve, a knock sounded on her door.
It was early and still dark outside, but she could see the flurry of snow falling behind her window.
Her heart lifted, as it always did at this time of year, when the veil between herself and her family felt somehow thinnest. As though she could almost reach out and touch them.
‘Your Majesty?’ Anja’s voice came through the double timber doors of her bedroom. Anja was the only staff member who had access privileges to Astrid’s private apartment, mainly because she always respected Astrid’s privacy.
‘Come in, Anja,’ she said, pulling her hair over one shoulder and toying with the ends.
Anja was already dressed in a neat black suit with a silky cream coloured blouse. On her lapel, she wore a small brooch with a glossy reindeer. ‘A gift from my niece,’ she explained, at Astrid’s curious glance.
‘I love it,’ Astrid smiled. ‘God Jul, Anja.’
‘God Jul, Your Majesty.’ Anja crossed the room and placed a kiss on Astrid’s cheek.
Anja had always perfectly straddled the line of devoted assistant and warmth.
They were not friends, but that was because Astrid had kept Anja just far enough outside her bubble.
Friendly, yes, but not close enough to rely on, care about deeply and be brought to despair by losing.
What a wasteful way to live her life, she thought with a sense of irritation, before her eyes shifted to the family portrait that hung on the wall across the room and her shattered heart reminded her why she was like this.
‘I have your outfit steamed in your dressing room,’ Anja said, removing her phone from her pocket. ‘And an updated schedule.’
‘Any significant changes?’
‘No, Your Majesty. We’ve added an extra thirty minutes to your hospital visit. I knew you wouldn’t want to feel rushed.’
Astrid nodded her approval.
‘It’s wall to wall until after your national address tonight. All going to plan, and I anticipate it will, you’ll be finished just before ten.’
‘And tomorrow?’
‘The palace breakfast at nine is your first commitment.’
Astrid nodded, her insides fizzing with a hint of excitement at the Christmas gift she could have all to herself.
‘I’d like to spend tonight elsewhere.’ She rushed on before Anja had time to react. ‘Could you arrange a car to collect me, discreetly, after the television address?’
‘Of course, Your Majesty.’
‘Naturally, I’ll need to be back early tomorrow. Say, eight?’
‘You intend to spend the entire night out?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded quickly. She had hated leaving the night before and, somehow, she’d known he felt the same way.
‘Excellent, Your Majesty,’ Anja’s smile was wide. ‘I’ll organise everything.’ She reached down then and spontaneously squeezed her queen’s hand. Astrid squeezed it back, her own face changing with the brightness of her smile.