Chapter 13
Eric
O kay, so when I headed out, it wasn't my intention to come back home with a car packed to the brim with wedding stuff. I needed a drive out to clear my head, figure out how the hell Mrs. Thornbread was so certain. I'd been replaying every moment since we did what we did, sifting through the images of my memory and trying to pinpoint whether or not we said anything in her presence. Nothing came up. I'd driven so far, I had no idea where I was. The only thing that got me to stop was a bridal shop in town.
Now I had a stack of wedding planners in different styles, His (and his plus three) and Her vow books, bathrobes, eye masks, hell I even got myself a skimpy pair of boxers with 'Hers' typed out around the crotch area. I got suits, yup, I picked out suits for all four of us, and shoes.
And no, I didn't use Ethan or Matt's money. My bank account was hurting after spending a shit ton of my savings on all of this. We didn't work out how the ring situation would go, but I got her one anyway, a small pretty one that she could stack with the others if she wanted. It was unassuming, but the price in no way matched the simplicity of it. What a stupid buy. As if she was going to wear four rings.
Luckily, my online videos were still bringing in a somewhat stable income, and my wealthy friends took care of most of the expenses, without question. I didn't like taking advantage, but I didn't want to get even the slightest whiff of my bank balance.
I had no idea what I was thinking. Except that I was worried about facing Lily. Now that her mother was gone and it would be just us, at home with her, it would give her time for her mother's words to settle, marinate like a good old stew. She'd mull over it until it became hard to ignore. We'd say something or do something, that would make her look at us differently, make her mother's words fall into place like a puzzle. And I couldn't let that happen. I had to distract her. Keep her mind off the wedding and remain in the clear.
That's if she wasn't already having her doubts.
As the gates opened and the car crawled up the long driveway, I spotted her sitting in the garden with a canvas.
Okay, so she didn't look like a woman who was ready to rip us apart.
My aching, aggressive heartbeat softened a little and I let myself breathe. Stuffing the ring in my pocket and grabbing those stupid boxers from the car, I made my way towards her. It became clear, the closer I got, that she wasn't relaxed. She stared blankly at the canvas before her, face tense, eyes distant, rigid. Had she been crying? My pulse started a riot again.
"Hey..." I approached her, gauging her reaction.
There was none. She didn't acknowledge me at all. Fuck, she was mad. The invisible walls around me started to close in and in my head, the stuff in my car caught on fire. Our future, gone up in flames.
"Lily. I'm so sorry." I began. "We didn't mean for things to get out of hand."
Nothing.
"Lily!" I yelled. "Please don't hate us. We did it because...because." I was falling apart.
Her head jerked up and her eyes caught mine in a slow acknowledgement. My heart stopped. She reached up under her damp hair. What was she going to do? Plug her ears? What were we? Five.
"Hey, Eric. Were you saying something?" Lily asked and it took everything I had, not to fall to my knees in front of her when she pulled out her cordless earphones. She let her eyes move over me and they went wide. "Eric, babe. Are you okay? You're shaking!"
Lily jumped up. Her phone and paintbrush tumbled into the soft green grass.
This close...I came this close to revealing everything. My body wanted to lose control, but I couldn't let it.
"What happened?" She ran her finger across my cheek which I was now realizing was damp.
Fuck, Eric. Get it together.
"I...uh...I..." I stuttered. Shit.
Holding me, she led me to her stool, which she used when she was painting so she didn't get too comfortable. It was too small and rocked under my weight.
"Did someone die?" She assessed me and stroked her fingers through my now damp waves.
I froze at the question, running through the list of lies that rushed through my head like computer code. I went with the first thing that jumped out. "I think I hit a deer on the way back." The words came out as a broken whisper.
Lily went silent but let out a breath. When our eyes met, she smiled and my heart started working again.
"Oh, Eric. You're such a big softie. You had me scared half to death." She sighed.
Can we stop talking about death?
"Did you come out and check?" She wrapped me up in her arms, and damn it, I fell into her. I needed this fucking hug more than I needed air. My arms came up and tightened around her. I forgot I was even holding anything as I clutched on to her for dear life, hoping she wouldn't ever let me go and I would never come this close to losing her again.
"What's that?" she asked.
I didn't care and I wasn't looking.
"Are those underpants?" She grinned. Her body jerked from her laughter, and I let it soak into my body before I raised my head and followed her eyes to the ground behind me.
Right. The wedding. Hell, I needed the distraction just as much as I wanted to distract Lily.
Getting my head to work again and stop spinning, I reached for it. Come on, happy-go-lucky Eric. Jump in and save me. My hands were still shaking a little when I bent to pick them up.
"I...uh...got something for our honeymoon." I forced a smile. It was easy enough when her eyes were playful and teasing. But the teasing evaporated as soon as I saw it. "What's the matter? You don't like it?"
She grabbed the satin material and hugged it close to her. "Might be a while until I get to see you in it."
"Why, what happened?" I asked, turning to see her painting. "That's interesting." I referred to her art piece, trying to make out what it was.
She looked at it and back at me before taking her seat again at her stool. "I was thinking that maybe we should postpone the wedding."
"No!" I said way too quickly. She jerked back as if I had just ejected a storm of wind at her. "I just mean..." that there's no way we can do that. What else am I going to fill your time with, to keep you from finding out what I almost told you a few minutes ago? How am I going to keep myself from spilling if I'm not filling my time with something thought-consuming. I pulled out the ring. "I went into town today and got you this, because I wanted to re-do the whole proposal with a ring of my own. Plus I've got a shitload of wedding stuff in my car. I think we can all use something good to look forward to."
Her eyes teared up at the ring and she shut the box.
"I agree." She nodded. "But marriage? Ryan is falling apart..." she started.
"All the more reason. He needs something positive to focus on..." I interjected.
She shot me a look. "That doesn't mean he's ready for marriage."
Okay...tread carefully.
"What's really going on?" I asked.
"What do you mean, what's REALLY going on? As if Ryan falling apart isn't reason enough..." She narrowed her eyes on me.
Yup. She was looking for an attack. As much as I wanted to convince her to do what I needed her to do, she needed me to listen even more. So I shut up. Her watery eyes became apologetic and her voice softened.
"My mother won't be there. I know it sounds silly. I didn't think I'd want her there, but..." She paused. "Do you think I made the right decision sending her away today?"
Are you kidding me? Hell fucking yes.
"Well, she couldn't exactly stay against her will, could she? She wanted to go." I reminded her.
"Yeah, she says that. But I think she was expecting me to come with her." Lily slumped.
"You're your own woman now, Lils. Unless you wanted to go with her..." I said.
"No, that's not what I mean." She assured me.
"Then, you've got to be able to let it go." I walked into her, objective in sight. Taking her hair in between my fingers, I kept eye contact. "You're finally free. You get to be you."
"I don't know who that is." She choked up.
"You have all the time in the world to figure it out. No one's going anywhere. I mean, do you need more proof? I've got a carload filled with wedding stuff because I can't wait to marry you. My parents can't wait to meet you. They've got their hopes set on the wedding too." I paused and looked away.
"I'd like to meet them too." She pondered and I looked up to see her smiling.
"They could use the cheering up. This wedding is a good thing for all of us." Am I taking the guilt-tripping thing too far? "All I'm saying is, you were excited before your mother made you doubt yourself. You're allowed to be excited, you know? Happy? Let go of this need to be the one your mother relies on. Ethan and Matt have made sure she'll have the best care for the rest of her life. And you get to actually start living yours. Don't let her take this away from you. Away from us." I stooped before her and picked her up off the stool.
Damn, that laughter was so beautiful, and I didn't feel a smidge of regret for using whatever I could to persuade her to marry me. I wanted to marry her so that we could make our promise to each other official. I didn't want to make it easy for her to walk away from me, whether or not she found out what we did. Because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Sometimes you only get a chance with a first, real love, once. Twice if you're lucky. After nearly losing her to the men we helped to kill, I counted this as the third charm. More than three chances is unheard of.
"You get to reinvent yourself, Lily. It's exciting."
"But Ryan..." Her laughter stopped.
"Is as head over heels in love with you as the day you guys fell for each other behind my back. You remember that?" I teased. "He's still the same Ryan he always has been."
"That's the problem. I wonder whether I know him at all..." She moaned.
No, no, no. I couldn't have her mind going there. I couldn't have her doubting who Ryan was, who any of us were. This was not the time for her to be looking at us too closely.
"You do," I reassured her.
"Do I? Has he always had a drinking problem that I didn't know about?" she asked.
"Not as long as I've known him, and I've known him over a decade. Almost losing you was just a lot to handle. For all of us. We all cope differently. That's why I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that marrying you will be the highlight of his life. And none of us are alone. We all got each other. Say yes, please, Lily." I just about managed to keep the whining out of my voice.