Chapter 19
Matt
A fter trying to get Lily to open up for me, I realized it was better to let her calm down. Of course she was scared. As I walked to Ryan's door, my palm flattened by my side. I wanted to slap him a few times until I felt like he had learned his lesson.
"How's he?" I asked Ethan as I approached.
"He hasn't spoken since I smashed his bottles. Now I'm standing here, making sure he doesn't leave the room to harass Lily. We can't keep watch over him 24/7. Something has got to change." Ethan sounded out the last words.
"I already told you what my solution would be," Ryan shouted back.
Ethan's back tensed and his face hardened. "He's threatening to go to the police."
My stomach clenched.
"I wasn't threatening," Ryan answered.
Ethan huffed.
"It's fine," I patted him on the shoulder. "I'll sit with him."
He looked between us before deciding that he trusted me to keep him in this room until he sobered up. Ethan let out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumped as he walked away, shaking his head. This was a tough situation to be in, with your best friend who you loved, becoming a monster to the woman you were in love with. I wanted to knock him out and I needed him to know he was going to be okay.
"So, are you really going to the police?" I asked.
He looked up at me. "It's the right thing to do. Maybe I'll be able to save myself from this monster I'm becoming by stepping up and taking responsibility for my actions."
"Willing to drop us all in it? What about Lily?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "We didn't do what we did for nothing."
Scoffing, he turned away from me and scowled at the ransacked closet. "How is she?"
"How do you think she is?" Thunder rumbled through my body and I rubbed my palm against the side of my pants as I got a very vivid image of what she must have been going through. And I was looking at the source of it right here.
Eyes still on the closet, he swung his legs over the bed. "I know what I have to do."
"What do you mean?" I jumped up and followed him.
He turned and looked at me. "Don't worry. I won't go to the cops, if that's what you're worried about. But I can't stay here. It's not fair for Lily to have to see me every day. She won't want me around."
I couldn't exactly argue with that.
"Where are you gonna go?" I asked.
"I still have some money left over from photographing Ann and Tyler's wedding." He stopped midway packing, scrunched up the shirt he was holding and pulled at it. When it refused to tear, he tossed it with a yell. "I should've never taken that fucking job!"
I backed away, unsure whether he was about to go crazy and start swinging.
He started panting and holding his chest. I jumped into action. "You okay, man?"
"I fucking hate that man. I wish I never met him. I had a good life. We had a good life before I took that job, didn't we?" His eyes were bloodshot as he looked at me.
My heart broke and damn it, tears came to my eyes, because yes, some men cry when their best friend is falling apart. I wrapped an arm around him. What he did was unforgivable. But what we all did, the secret we were all hiding, was also unforgivable.
"If you didn't take that job, you, me and Ethan wouldn't have met Lily. Eric wouldn't have been reunited with her," I reminded him.
"Yeah, maybe she would have been better off. What has she got to show for being with us? A big fancy house? Financial security? Who's to say that the life she had before wasn't good enough on its own?" he asked.
I hadn't thought of that. I'd always bought my happiness. I thought money was the answer to life's problems, which was why I'd always given it away to charities. Because I had so much of it and others didn't. But what if her life, simple as it was, filled with all its problems, could have been her happiness? She was in control of it, had a support group around her, and had the choice to leave once her mother woke up from her catatonic state.
I furrowed my brows and racked my brain. "Yeah, but who would have saved her from Terry when he came knocking?"
"We didn't save her. Who's to say she needed saving? What if she was strong enough to handle it all on her own? He only kidnapped her for money, because Ethan offered to throw money at the problem and he found out you guys were rich!" Ryan argued.
"No, but..." I shook my head.
"Let's face it. What have we really given her? Better yet, what have I given her? She's better off without me." He paused.
I was lost for words. Was he right? Had we simply added chaos to her life and now with the whole talk of marriage, me proposing, were we just trapping her into a life filled with not just lies, but more trouble? We were tied now to Tyler, forever. Bound by a secret. What did that look like for our future?
"I wouldn't have changed meeting Lily." I doubled down.
He raised a brow and puffed out a breath. "Yeah. Well, maybe there's a reality where Eric and Lily could've had their reunion, where we would have met her, that doesn't include Tyler. But we got this one."
"Or maybe this was the exact reality in which our paths were meant to cross, but we fucked up with the choices we made," I added.
He gulped, sniffled, and got up from the bed. Resigned, he resumed his packing.
"You don't have to leave," I started. "I mean, sure you can't stay here with Lily, but the guest house is free."
With his back facing me, he nodded.
The calm that covered him now should have been relieving, but it ruffled the hairs on my skin. I didn't like it. Remembering the night he walked into the lake, intending to drown himself, I stooped to help him.
"How about I stay with you at the guest house?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Not like I can stop you, can I? It's yours and Ethan's place."
"It's not about that. I just want to make sure you're okay. Plus, you shouldn't be on your own. We can hang like we used to?" I offered.
"Yeah." He knelt into his suitcase and fought with the zipper.
"Lily was right about the therapist, you know?" I said after a beat.
Ryan's head dropped and he got up as if his body weighed a ton. His eyes fluttered shut and he pressed his lips together.
"I could go with you if you want," I added.
A scoff and maybe even a chuckle escaped him. "What are you gonna do? Follow me around everywhere?"
"You're my best friend, even if I won't think twice about knocking you into tomorrow if you ever think about hurting Lily," I assured him.
"I'd never do that." Ryan glared at me.
"I believe that you wouldn't want to," I nodded. "But you're not in control all the time. There's no telling what you'd do under aligned circumstances. You need help to fight this, Ryan. I can't do it for you. None of us can. And you can't do it on your own. If you want to be able to be around Lily again, all of us have to be able to trust you."
He gulped, but agreed. "I'll go."
Oh, thank goodness.
With his packed bags, he walked toward the glass doors, but thought better about walking into the broken glass, and headed toward the bedroom door.
He turned in the doorway. "So, you coming or what?"