28
Christian
It was my fault. All of it was because of me, so watching her lay on the floor and break down killed a very large piece that lived inside my chest. For once in my entire life, I desperately wanted to open up to her. I wanted to protect and save her from whatever was happening in her head. I wanted the family that I was never allowed to have as a child. I didn’t know what it meant for the future, but I knew I would fight to keep her.
I followed her back outside and joined Julian at the little bar. When he saw me, he quickly put down his beer.
“Please don’t do that. You know I’m fine,” I insisted as I approached him.
“You just went to the foothills.” His voice was low so no one could hear us. “I wasn’t sure…”
“It didn’t have to do with drinking… well, indirectly.”
“What's wrong?” Julian asked. I knew he was asking out of concern, but a part of me was worried he would yank away my job and leave me with nothing again like I was back at the bar ten years ago when he first found me.
“I hooked up with Maeve,” I confessed, and a small turn of his lips made for an unexpected response.
“What?”
“I think we all know.” Julian was a tough guy. He ran an even tougher business, so seeing him smile was a rarity.
“Eh, fuck off.” We both laughed. “I think I like her, man. I thought this whole fake dating thing would be fun, maybe I could fuck around for a few months, but something happened.”
“Like somehow down the road, you became obsessed with the way she feels in your arms, the way she smells, and the way her body moves with yours?” I was stunned at his confession.
“That is exactly it. How did you know?” He laughed again. Two for two, this was an all-time new record.
“It’s how I feel about Tatum. I don’t know, man. I think you may be in love.” Love? No. I literally didn’t know what love was. I’d never been loved before. My mom preferred drugs over me. My ex-wife and I were very much a marriage of convenience. I cared for her deeply but didn’t think it was love. I had no idea what love was conceptually.
“Nah. Don’t be ridiculous.” I shook him off.
“How did the foothills go?” Julian quickly changed the subject.
“It was good. I think I needed to deal with the shit that happened when I was overseas,” I admitted aloud, which was weird.
“I’ve been telling you that for years,” he added.
“I know, I know. I think I finally was able to come to terms with what happened to me. It was needed. I know it was fucked up for not telling Maeve, but I needed to sort it out in my own head first.”
“You should talk to her.”
“I plan on it. I just have to find the right time.”
I looked at her and watched as the gentle breeze tousled her long blond hair. She was wrapping the girls in their towels and getting them dressed.
“I’ve gotta go get the girls in bed.” She turned toward her friends, and they all complained.
“Stay with us for a few more minutes.”
I walked over to her, and even though I offered earlier, and she turned me down, I would try again. She was the type of woman who made me want to be a better man. She was my family.
“Can I walk them home? Julian is going to come with me.” Julian only nodded. He had asked me earlier when I came in to discuss a business trip we had to go on this week, purposely planning it around Maeve’s work schedule.
“They need to be tucked in.” She was hesitant. These were her kids. I knew as much as it affected her that I left, it also affected them. I couldn’t be the type of person in and out of their lives like my mother. If I could be a role model of sorts for them, at least for this period of time, I needed to show up for them.
“I can do it.”
“Julian can help. He needs practice,” Tatum chimed in, rubbing her growing belly.
“Okay. Fine.” She walked over to hand me their bag, and just as she was about to move away from me, I grabbed her waist and leaned down toward the shell of her ear.
“Can we please talk later?” I was not above begging.
“Can you give me some more time? I just need time.” I nodded, understanding where she was coming from, but it still fucking stung.
“And that is how the prince fell in love with the princess.” I concluded a story for Kelsie, who begged me for one last book after I put Kinsley to sleep.
“Christian?” the little girl asked as I tucked her into her bed. I leaned down so that I was eye level with her.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think my mom will ever find another Prince Charming? My dad found one after they broke up, but do you think Mom will?" If only she knew...
"I think so, Kelsie,” I responded, nodding quickly.
“Will you be her Prince Charming?” Fuckkkkkk. How could I tell a six-year-old that I wanted to so badly, but I might have blown my chance.
“I don’t know, sweetie. I hope your mom will let me.” I offered a quick smile before tucking her into bed and saying good night.
I walked downstairs, and Julian was at the kitchen table with his laptop that one of his security team brought down from his house.
“You need better security here.” Julian kept typing.
“I am your security. I’ve got it here, too.” He laughed. “In fact, I knew that Maeve spent the entire time sleeping in my bed while I was gone. Little did she know it was all on tape.”
“Jesus, West. You are pussy-whipped.”
“You are too.”
“Proudly,” Julian admitted.
“Tell me what this trip is and what we’re doing.” I leaned in to where he was typing.
“Since Chelsea’s brother Ronan is back in the States. The Irish mob owes us. Alex needs part of his big, public hospital funded, and the mob contractually told us that they would give us two million.”
“Lemme guess. They haven't paid, and we need to collect because Ronan is too much of a pushover to do anything about it.”
Collectively, we disliked Ronan. Alex was still pissed at him for what happened with Chelsea, and the rest of us were loyal to Alex. Now, it was getting annoying. Julian and I were usually called to figure it out when an underworld organization didn’t make good on their promises or contracts. Oftentimes, that was by force.
When Julian first approached me after I got sober, he told me what his job was. Julian recruited me after hearing about how well I did as a squad leader in my MARSOC unit and how they begged me to get sober and stay.
Initially, I was upset with his offer. For fuck’s sake, I was a Marine Corps vet and was the epitome of working for the government. Then I realized what Alex and Julian were doing was trying to fund good projects that went to help people. Whether or not we were involved, the underworld would exist, so it was a way to leverage money through legit resources.
In return, these crime organizations got away with a lot. They got to move their products through our highways, they got away with laundering some of their money, and those who participated in our little hustle stayed out of prison.
We were just working within the state currently, but the plan was to expand. Alex’s goal was to become president, and then eventually, Julian, James, and I wouldn’t have to do the heavy lifting. We could just hire people who could.
“James will get the intel for you, and the plan is to meet the guy in Bakersfield next week. Ronan says he’s good for the money, but I don’t know if I trust him.”
“Alright, but it's gotta be a day trip, yeah?” I wanted to be home so Maeve didn’t think I was leaving for long.
“You got it.”
Julian got up to leave, then turned toward me. “You may think you’re without a family, but you’ll always be my brother. Whether the feeling is mutual or not.” With that, he left without another word. Little did he know that he was a brother to me, too.