Chapter 64
KADENCE
Iwent to the pier after work. There was a lot going on in my life, and I wanted to talk to my brother.
It felt foolish, but it was the closest to his grave I could get.
I refused to go back to New York, and if I ever attempted to go to the cemetery, someone might alert my dad.
His graveside was a shrine to my father.
Maybe he never mourned Nathan enough to heal, and that was why he acted the way he did.
The thought was in my head for a single moment.
He was a grown man with two children. The loss of one shouldn’t have made him neglect me.
If he never wanted me, then maybe he could’ve given me up.
Maybe my life wouldn’t be nearly as fucked up as it was if someone else raised me; but at the same time, I’d heard horror stories about the foster system.
My life was destined to be one giant ball of trauma and issues since I came out of the womb.
I wanted a life Nathan would be proud of, and I would have it. Eventually. I needed to get past whatever this wall was with Blaize, but now that we were going on a date, maybe things wouldn’t be as tense between the two of us.
When I arrived at the pier, I pulled my wedges off and dipped my toes into the water.
I never understood why I had this fear, but I could do this.
The death grip I had on the pier post did tell me enough, though.
I’d never go swimming, but I could dip my toes and that was it.
Even as a girl I never liked water. Nathan was the one who made me swim, and I always wanted to be with him even if I was scared.
“Hey, Nathan. You’ve missed a lot.”
I spilled my guts to the void of water. It was like talking to a therapist, but easier to talk to him.
If Nathan was here, I wondered if we would have this close connection.
God, if Nathan was here, life wouldn’t have been as difficult.
He would’ve been my protector, especially if my father decided to be an abusive prick.
What kind of daughter would I have been if I had my brother?
Tears spilled from my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away. “I miss you.”
I heard something behind me, and my head snapped to the side. For a moment, I didn’t hear anything, but then I heard the rattle of an engine. My paranoia was horrible since I was attacked months prior, but I was also scared of my father finding me.
“I’m going crazy,” I whispered to myself.
I’d been in Westhaven for five months now.
If my father was looking for me, he would’ve found me by now.
Or maybe I was giving him too much credit.
He wasn’t a horrible FBI agent, but he wasn’t the best, either.
I needed to get back to the apartment before I gave myself an anxiety attack. No one from my past would find me.
Then I heard a board creak on the pier. I jumped, my eyes snapping to the sound. A scream was building in the back of my throat before Blaize’s face came into view. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Fucking hell, Blaize,” I breathed, clutching my chest. “Do you always sneak up on people?”
“Uh, sometimes. What are you doing?”
“I like coming to the pier.” Did I tell her I talked to my dead brother when I was here?
“I’m…uh, talking with my brother.” Blaize looked around the pier and then at my hands to see if I had my phone.
I didn’t. “He’s dead. I’m just talking. He liked the water, so I come here to talk to him when life gets hard. ”
She nodded as she stepped closer. “Mind if I join you?” I patted the wood next to me. She kicked off her boots and sat down next to me. “Did you come here when you first arrived?”
“Yeah. There was a lot going on when I first came here, and it was the only way I could keep myself on sturdy ground.”
“You said you didn’t like the ocean?” she questioned. “So why do you come to the pier?”
I chuckled, kicking my feet. “I hate the water, but sometimes I feel like my brother is there. He died in a drowning accident, so it’s like the ocean is Nathan.” I cringed when I gave her a name that could connect my past.
She paused for a moment before she said, “I talk to my wife, too.” I looked at her face, seeing if I could find something there. There was sadness in her eyes. “She died five years ago. My daughter, too.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Talking to them makes the weight lighter, but it’s never gone.”
We sat there for a moment not saying anything.
Blaize’s fingers twitched, and I took a deep breath, grabbing her hand and intertwining them together.
She tensed for a moment before relaxing her hand against my thigh.
I rested my head on her shoulder, enjoying this moment together.
My heart was pounding in my ears, but it was fine.
More tears fell from my eyes, and while I hoped Blaize wouldn’t notice, a stray tear dripped onto her bare arm, anyway.
Why couldn’t she wear her leather jacket like she normally wore?
I quickly wiped my eyes, but she saw. Blaize shifted slightly, her hand going under my chin and lifting my head up.
“What’s wrong, princess?” When she used that pet name, my stomach fluttered.
“I’m fine,” I hiccupped. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking and thinking makes me emotional.”
Blaize cupped my cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears. “You shouldn’t cry. You shouldn’t have shadows in your eyes when they are the color of spring.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, my eyes going to her lips.
Just do it, Kadence. I leaned forward, capturing Blaize’s lips in a chaste kiss before she deepened the kiss.
It wasn’t like the other ones we’ve shared many times.
Those other ones were filled with tension and frustration, but this one felt like a first kiss after fumbling around on a first date.
Kissing Blaize already gave me butterflies, but now these butterflies were soaring and doing summersaults in my lower belly.
I pulled back slightly. “Sorry,” I mumbled against her lips.
“Don’t be.”
I laughed, resting my forehead on hers. “Don’t expect me to take my clothes off for you because I kissed you.”
“I wouldn’t expect it, princess. Do you need anything?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m okay. I should get back to the apartment. I’ll see you tonight?”
She nodded, standing up before helping me up. This Blaize was different from the ones I’d met before, but I think the vulnerable Blaize was my favorite. Now, I just needed to show her who I truly was and hoped she didn’t change her mind about me.