Chapter Lennon
Lennon
It had been days since I’d last seen him. What the fuck was happening? I had texted him with no response. I had waited at home with no knock on my door.
It was eerie not hearing from him. Asher was always around. Always patient with me. Always understanding of my fucked-up ways. I was a wrecking ball, and he had so eloquently danced between my swings.
What changed?
Fury bottled inside of me. When I struggled to understand what was going on, my natural response was anger. It took everything in me not to lash out through a string of unhinged text messages.
The silence felt like too long. Like, exceptionally too long. So long that I needed to do something.
I stopped pacing the hallway, shoved my feet into my sneakers, and strode toward the door with intention. I was about to track down this motherfucker and demand he reconsider.
The door swung open before I could grab the handle. On the other side stood a drowned rat.
Asher.
He was sopping wet, water dripping from his chin, his shirt clinging to him. Was it raining outside?
“Asher!” I exclaimed.
He was drowning—metaphorically.
I pulled him inside without hesitation, wrapping my arms around him. Every ounce of anger drained from me at the sight of him. Cold water seeped through my clothes, immediate goosebumps erupting across my skin.
“I don’t want to finish the bucket list,” he muttered into my neck.
I almost didn’t hear what he’d said, but my brain began connecting the dots until it clicked into place.
I pulled away. “What do you mean, Asher?”
He shook his head, trying to keep the tears at bay.
My voice croaked, much harsher the second time. “What do you mean by that?”
Panic clawed at my throat. I couldn’t fail this. I couldn’t postpone my date. I couldn’t stretch the timeline. I rummaged through my brain for a pivot—something that would change his mind. Change his mind without manipulating him. Without lying to him.
He didn’t deserve lies.
But I didn’t deserve for my partner to quit on me, either.
We were at a crossroads.
“Please, Asher. Please don’t quit on me. I never knew how much I needed you—”
He pulled away from my pleas sharply.
“You didn’t know how much you needed me until you figured I was the key to your death? Fuck, Lennon. How do you think that makes me feel? Honestly?”
Agony was laced around every word.
“I know it’s a lot, Asher, I do,” I began.
“No. You don’t. No you don’t.” He ran an anxious hand through his short hair.
“You have no idea what it’s like to be crazy about someone, and also be the one delaying whether or not they die.
I don’t want you to go. I fucking know you can work through this.
I know you can. I know how strong you are. How stubborn you are. Just…stay.”
A stray tear fell down my cheek. “You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand. Make me understand until I can take the fucking weight off of your shoulders. We’ve been back and forth on this battle, Lennon, and I know you feel the same about me.
I know you can survive this. I know it in my soul.
I’ve seen you. But how about you kill yourself by loving me?
Give me all that energy you give to death.
Give me everything, and I promise, I’ll make it worthwhile. After all, what would the harm be?”
His pleas were passionate. Caring. Meaningful.
But they were also na?ve. Unknowing and one-sided.
He couldn’t honestly know the pain rooted in my bones.
He couldn’t know what all those before him had done to me.
Shaking my head, I whispered, “I can’t tell you.
I can’t say it out loud, but I can feel them every time I rest. I can feel their fingers digging into me when I try to sleep at night.
I hear their grunts when I’m alone. I can fucking feel how helpless I was for all that fucking time.
Asher, it wasn’t just one instance, it was years.
Years of living painful nightmares, now carved into who I am today, who I am now.
I don’t want this anymore. And if you could feel this pain for me, you wouldn’t want it for me, either. ”
Asher slumped his head.
He was defeated. He knew he couldn’t change my mind. It had already been made up. Which meant it was my time to beg him. Even if it was shitty of me, now would be the time to use him at his disadvantage.
“So, please, babe,” I said confidently, knowing it would touch his soul. “Please. Just do this bucket list with me. I don’t want my date pushed forward, but I’m willing to re-evaluate every day with you.”
The heartbreak spread across his face, settled into his posture, and then utilized his emotions. He was spent. I felt it.
Nodding, he quietly said, “You mean everything, Lennon. The world doesn’t spin on its axis if you’re not in it.”
“I’m willing to re-evaluate each day with you,” I repeated. “Please say that’s enough for you, because it’s all I can offer that is real and not bullshit. It’s the most genuine compromise you’ll get from me.”
I closed the space between us. “For me. Be with me. If nothing else persuades you, just be with me. I’ve missed you.”
And truer words had never escaped my lips before. It made me feel vulnerable and meek. My confession of how I truly felt was on display for him to judge. But he wouldn’t. That wasn’t who Asher was, and I was beginning to learn that.
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Do you know why I call you little siren?”
I shook my head, his gaze piercing my eyes in return. I couldn’t remember if he had ever told me why.
“In Greek mythology, there’s a story about Homer’s Odyssey, where sailors were lured to an island by sirens,” he began, almost settling in for a story of his own.
“The sirens were beautiful. They sang the most tempting songs that all the sailors wanted to hear; it’s a pretty famous story if you’re into that kinda thing.
Anyway, the sirens were mostly dangerous, not because they pushed the men away, but because they pulled them in. ”
He ran his thumb over my jawline.
“I know I’m rambling, but the point is—you’re my forbidden fruit.
Being with you feels like walking toward death.
But I don’t want to be away from you, even though being in this with you means some form of death, like the sirens themselves.
Ultimately, your own, but for me—that means a part of me has to die along with you. ”
My lungs forgot how to work. I couldn’t pull away from him, but I also felt every emotion that told me to run. Instead, my heart threw me in a different direction altogether.
I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, snaking my fingers through his short faded hair, and pulled him toward my lips. His form melted into mine. We were reckless. Two beings who longed for one another for different reasons, an oxymoron of needs.
His hands draped over my back, pulling me tightly to his body. Our lips pressed up against one another while our tongues made room. The dance of instinct managed us while something was set off inside of me.
Clothes came off in impatient movements, wet fabric hitting the floor.
A split second met us before he stepped back, admiring my naked body beneath my long sleeve. I wore no bra, and his lids drooped into addiction.
His arms lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. His mouth tended to my breast, tugging and teasing my starved nipple.
I dropped my head back in rapture. This was all I fucking needed.
Him. His body all over mine. Claiming me. Making me forget all the terrible things, rewriting my brain chemistry with memories of his perfect touch.
Before I could realize what was happening, he laid me on my kitchen island. I was wearing jogging pants, to which he tugged at my waistband, peeling them down my legs until I was bare to him.
Standing to look at my nakedness, he covered his mouth.
“Jesus, Lennon. You are the drug I can’t fucking quit.”
The moment the words fled his mouth, he dropped to his knees and dove his face toward my clit, eating me as if I were his last supper. His tongue flicked at me, lapping up all my juices and sucking on my tight lips. I reached down to grip his head in sheer pleasure.
My nails dug into the back of his head, the parts where his hair was too short to grip onto. He groaned in pain and gratification. I allowed myself to be free, moaning for him, letting him in to know how much pleasure he brought me.
I wouldn’t be able to look my neighbours in the eyes for days…or the entire block for that matter. This felt like my last day on Earth, and I wasn’t about to filter myself. He needed to know what he meant. What he did to me.
“Asher, fuck…” I groaned in a strained whisper. “Look what you’re doing to me.”
He lifted his head just enough to watch my face while his hand replaced his mouth. Our drowsy eyes landed on one another while his hand slid over my pussy, ensuring that my pleasure was being reached. I took one gasp inwards while a smirk flickered across his perfect mouth.
“Do you like what I do to you, Lennon?” he asked, his voice possessive as he gently rubbed my wet, aching core.
I nodded, unable to get the words out.
Placing two of his fingers together, he dipped them inside of me, slowly pumping them in and out. He didn’t blink as he watched me lose control.
“Do you like when I do this to you, too, Lennon?”
“Yes,” I desperately whispered. “Fuck, yes.”
Dipping his head down, he was careful not to lose the concentration of our locked eyes. He ran his tongue over my clit while he thrusted his digits inside me faster.
“I’m going to—”
Before I could respond, my eyes almost crossed as Asher pulled his fingers out of me, then slapped my spread pink lips, shocking me to my core.
“I’m not done with you just yet,” he growled. “You’ll have to ask to come for me, little siren.”
Wrath filled my bones, my brows furrowed in a glare. I reached my hand down to touch myself, desperately, before I was halted by his grip.