Lennon
Six weeks later
Ireached above my head, savouring the deep stretch as it pulled deep down into the crevices of my tendons. I tilted my head side to side, working out the morning kinks that sleep left behind.
When I opened my eyes, I instinctively reached beside my bedside, forgetting that Nova was no longer with me.
Asher had taken her.
I couldn’t blame him. I was all wrong for her. I knew that she was going to be taken care of properly when it came to being with him. He was a natural caregiver—someone who took people in broken states and left them better than he found them.
Even though I still intended to follow through with my original plan, that didn’t mean he hadn’t touched the very creases of my soul into making me think that maybe—just maybe—I could stay a little longer.
But today was the day. I finally made it here.
October 16th.
The date I had circled in my mind for years, even though I hadn’t always had the tangible date. The journey to get here felt like it had spanned decades of my life, and I guess in some way it had.
But now it was here.
I could finally breathe.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and rested my feet on the floor, preparing to get up, enjoy my last day on Earth as best I could, and then go to my appointment.
It was an odd feeling, just letting go like this.
I had held on so tightly for so long that my fingers had ached with tension from the grip. It was time. The tiredness inside me lifted. The constant pressure that had lived permanently between my shoulder blades felt like no more than a distant memory.
My phone rang from the living room.
I jogged toward it, surprised. I hadn’t received a phone call in weeks.
How depressing.
“Hello?” I answered, slightly breathless.
“Good morning, Lennon.”
Rachel.
“Good morning, Rachel,” I replied, treading lightly.
She sighed on the other end. “I’m going to ask you something unorthodox. So if you feel uncomfortable, feel free to say no. However, I feel like boundaries go out the window when we’re talking about someone’s last day on Earth.”
A soft chuckle escaped me. “What is it?”
“Want to meet for lunch? My treat.”
A smile spread across my face before I could stop it. “I’d like that. Where do you wanna go?”
“Oh come on, Lennon. It’s your choice. Anywhere you want to go, text me the address and I’ll meet you there at noon.”
* * *
The air was crisp against my oversized emerald sweatshirt when I stepped outside. It hung long over black leggings and combat boots. I’d brushed my hair and decided to leave it down today.
Ever since Asher had entered my world, I brushed my hair.
His fingers had loved running through the strands when I did. So much of me missed him. He’d woven himself into the mundane threads of my everyday existence. It was both frustrating and nostalgic—carrying that one piece of happiness with me into whatever world came next.
I decided to walk, letting the autumn breeze fill my lungs, and headed toward West Adelaide Street to my favourite hidden gem—The Rabbit Hole.
When I arrived, I was early.
The restaurant buzzed with life with those who loved it, too. I snagged a corner seat near the window, and waited for Rachel.
Maybe it was because it was my last day on Earth, but genuinely for the first time, I took in my surroundings—and not in a negative way.
I watched as the staff worked in rhythmic form, each knowing their place and how to navigate one another.
The monotonous workday for them, but they appeared to enjoy it.
They enjoyed their lives, and what purpose they carried with them.
Snapping me out of my daze, Rachel pulled up a chair across from me. She gave me a smile that was full of gratefulness, and an underlying sadness that I couldn’t ignore.
She felt like she had failed me.
“So good to see you, Lennon.”
I nodded in agreement. “I don’t want today to be weird,” I said. “So, let’s just chat like friends, you know? You can ask whatever you want, talk about whatever you want. Let’s leave the social-worky stuff at the door.”
She grinned, a genuine look of appreciation. “Thank you, Lennon. I’d like that.”
“Now that that’s settled, tell me about you. Do you have a husband? Kids? What kind of hobbies could you possibly have other than spending your days talking to people like me?” I asked.
Rachel laughed. “You know, that dawned on me today. You don’t really know anything about me. Ha. What a concept. Well, I’m married. My guy is a pilot who flies to northern communities, bringing up supplies and whatnot. Big, burly, quiet type.”
She took a sip of water, then continued, “No kids yet, however, we’ve been talking about it. We have a dog though, so, kind of like our child. Her name is Hela. As in, Loki’s sister.”
“I’m familiar, I used to really be into Marvel,” I said, adding to the conversation. It was weird in a way. For a moment, it felt like Rachel and I could have been friends in another life.
“And well, hobbies. I like hiking and reading, mostly. Oh! And I have been getting into puzzles. I know that’s lame—”
“Not lame at all. Sounds…peaceful.”
She nodded. “That’s just it. I need more peace in my life, you know?”
“I really do.”
Our eyes locked. She finally said the words I knew she wanted to say. “Don’t do it, Lennon. Selfishly, don’t.”
I couldn’t maintain eye contact, so I looked down at my twiddling thumbs. “I…I can’t not.”
She reached across the table to touch my arm. “Yes, you can. You can push the date. You can cancel at any time. There’s no pressure. What’s the harm in staying, even just a little longer?”
“Rachel,” I began softly, “I’ve wanted this for so long. It feels right. Like I can see the world clearly again.”
It felt like a slight lie the moment I said it. The words tasted false on my tongue.
I missed Asher.
I hadn’t seen him, and each day that passed, I missed him even more. Each day without him caused a deeply rooted ache in my chest, but he was done. He was fucking done with me. And I couldn’t even blame him.
He gave me his heart, and I tossed it into the trash after stomping the shit out of it.
“Lennon, I don’t believe you.”
Rachel was straightforward and cut through my bullshit. She wasn’t ever this assertive, and I had to admit, I respected it.
“You’ve known me longer than most people. You know this is what I’ve wanted. Fuck, I just made an attempt. I’m not well,” I pleaded, worried she may just take this all away from me.
“I agree. I know you’ve wanted this for a long time, Lennon,” she said carefully. “But I’ve seen incredible improvements in you this year. When you met Asher—”
“Don’t bring him into this. That was fleeting. Everything good is.”
“Not always. And it’s okay that it didn’t last, but not everything good ends. And hey, if it does, at least it was good while it lasted, until the next good thing. I see so much good in you, like so much, you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
I offered a half-hearted smile, and then my cell rang.
“I feel popular today,” I muttered, reaching for the phone. The number was unknown. My heart sank, worry settling in that it might be a cancellation for my appointment today.
Hesitantly, I answered, “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Lennon?” a kind voice asked on the other end.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“It is Blythe Graves. Asher’s mother.”
My heart sped up, nerves increasing.
“Is everything okay?”
“Well, he was taken into the hospital this morning for cardiac arrest. I’m not sure he’ll pull through to make it through the rest of the night. I know you two had a falling out, but he spoke very highly of you. I thought you might want to come by the hospital to see him.”
Everything stopped in my world.
My head was spinning. My heart began to race.
What if Asher was dying and this was his last day?
His last day on Earth, and his mother called me to see him?
What if October 16th was meant for him, and not me?
“Rachel, I have to go,” I said as panic overtook me. “Asher’s in the hospital.”
I stood up, chaotically trying to free myself from behind the overly close table. Everything inside my brain swirled. I needed to get there.
“Did you need a ride to the hospital?” she asked immediately.
I nodded, forgetting where I was, and that I was several blocks away from where I needed to be. Tears began well behind my eyes.
“It’s going to be okay, Lennon,” she said, taking my hand and guiding me outside. “We’re going to get there in time.”
“Okay,” I said, bottling my emotions as she took my hand and led me out of the restaurant.
He needed to be okay.
Because suddenly…
I needed him.