Lennon
Four weeks later
“Don’t you think it’s intrusive to bring me to your therapy session? I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to. I’ll be fine here with Nova,” Asher said.
I hadn’t left his side much since he’d been admitted to the hospital. And now that he was out, I clung to him even more intensely. He stayed with me, much to his parents’ reluctance about whether I possessed the ability to properly care for him, but he was adamant. And so was I.
I could be good for him.
And, well, he was really fucking good for me.
“Of course I want you to come with me. Rachel hasn’t had a chance to meet you, and she knows you’re coming this session. Don’t make me look bad, Asher,” I pleaded.
He chuckled. “Never, little siren.”
Asher scratched Nova’s head before exiting the apartment and closing the door behind him. He checked that the door was locked, then took my hand. A small part of me was still getting used to someone holding it like that—enduringly. Like he genuinely wasn’t going anywhere.
When we arrived at the doorsteps of therapy, he seemed nervous.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He exhaled a long breath, and forced a smile to greet me. “I’ve never been to therapy before.”
Confusion fled my face. “What do you mean? You talk about all the groups you’ve been a part of…”
A hand flew to the back of his neck. “Yeah, but I’ve never done a one-on-one session. This is all new territory for me.”
I smiled. “Rachel is important to me. Probably one of the most patient humans I’ve ever met. She’s a safe person,” I reiterated, knowing what I said was the truest statement about her.
He nodded as we entered and moved up the stairs toward the sixth floor. I watched him assess his surroundings. The building was modern, all soft edges with a minimalist comfort. It had been part of the draw for me. I’d felt a sense of safety here, one I’d not known before.
“I can see why you love it here,” he muttered.
The door clicked open, and in her usual chipper self, Rachel appeared. “Hello, Lennon. So glad to see you. And you must be Asher.”
She offered her hand with a wide grin.
He shook it, trying his best to appear unnerved despite the session ahead.
“Come on in. I’m very excited to hear about you two today,” she said, stepping back into her office casually.
Asher looked behind, offering me the space to walk ahead of him.
She had calmed his nerves, and for that I was grateful.
Today was going to be a good session. Likely a little less heavy in nature, but it would be healing nonetheless.
* * *
Quietly, we exited Rachel’s office. I was eager to hear what Asher had to say about sitting with her for the last hour, but something in his posture told me he was still turning it over in his brain first.
“I am so happy you come here, Lennon,” he finally said once we stepped out into the brisk fall breeze.
“I know therapy is good, but there was something very healing about that room. About Rachel…The way she spoke with you, with such ease. I could see the weight of what you carry just…ease off for a minute. She’s good for you. ”
I smiled faintly to myself. He was right.
“Rachel said in there she was proud of you for getting creative and finishing the bucket list,” he added. “How did you do it?”
There was a hint of caution in his tone.
We walked slowly, hands laced together, with no real pace to be anywhere.
“Well, I wrote down in a journal what our bucket list items looked like. The ones we completed. I turned them into chapters. Chapters of our lives in sequence, exactly as we experienced them.”
I swallowed before saying the rest.
“And then, I wrote the next chapters with you, as if we were going to experience them in the future. I wrote about what we would do, where we would go. I researched places. Restaurants. The Dead Sea. Road trips and whatever else. I built it all. On paper.”
He stopped walking.
From his back pocket, he pulled out a crumbled, worn sheet of paper.
“Can we check off one right now?”
My heart stuttered, unsure of what Asher meant, but I nodded reluctantly anyway.
When he unfolded it, I recognized the page immediately. Our original bucket list. Checks and scribbles marked up the page with smudges. A tear in the bottom from folding it too many times.
“I love you,” he spoke so sweetly, steady and certain as his eyes locked on mine. His beautiful blue eyes bore into my soul.
“I have loved you and I will continue to love you. Until my last breath…and then until we rot together.”
There was no hesitation. I smiled, reached for the paper and pen that was now in his hand he’d somehow carried with him.
Searching for the statement, my eyes finally found it.
Be loved by someone.
The pen pressed into the paper against the backside of my palm as I checked it off.
It felt monumental to check this one off.
When it went on the list, it was the only one I felt wasn’t possible. Like fiction. To be loved was more difficult than winning the lottery.
It was a life I couldn’t imagine for myself, even beyond my wildest dreams.
But Asher eased into this impossibility of mine with such grace and patience. He was unexpected, with everything and more. He was the change that saved my life. By nearly losing him, I had found myself.
Asher saved my life—at least for today.
“Let’s take a trip,” he said.
I let out a dry chuckle. “Asher. You just barely got out of the hospital. Don’t you think we could just fucking breathe for a second while you got your bearings again?”
His smile didn’t waver. “Lennon, we both know my time is limited. I don’t want to be cautious anymore. I was always fucking cautious. No more. Let’s just keep adding to this bucket list.”
He was playful and excited. So I asked, “You trying to keep me from exiting stage right?”
“Always, baby. Always,” he said.
The idea of leaving on a trip with him—anywhere—felt reckless. I couldn’t deny that it sounded like the perfect way to continue on this whirlwind romance we ignited.
“Fuck it.” I smirked. “Where do you want to go?”
“With you. Anywhere with you,” he said as he pulled me in and kissed my neck. I giggled like someone who had never been handled that gently before. Because I hadn’t.
I had never been treated so softly, so romantically.
Thinking about it, I leaned back just enough to look at him.
“I think I know a place.”