Epilogue
Rachel
Eight weeks later
Standing at the podium, I looked out into the intimate and quaint crowd as I assessed the people here. I swallowed down nerves I had been bottling up for this moment, took a sip of water, and stepped closer to the microphone.
“Thank you all for being here today,” I began.
“I stand before you, honoured to speak about someone who meant more to me than I ever expected they would—Lennon Becker.”
A lump formed in my throat. I paused, unable to clear it. I grabbed the glass of crystal clear water, took another sip, and inhaled a deep breath, steadying myself.
“Several years ago, Lennon was introduced to me by a hospital social worker. She had been in and out of the foster care system—a system that failed her over and over again. From that point on, I met with Lennon each week, as her first, and only, psychotherapist. I—uh, never really thought we would be here, if I’m being honest.”
I glanced out into the crowd and caught sight of Blythe Graves. She nodded gently, encouraging me to keep going forward.
Turning my head toward the notes that I scribbled down with recklessness, I gulped and started again.
“Lennon had wanted to die for as long as I’d known her. While her story is complicated and layered, that’s not what I want to focus on today. Lennon’s life took an upward swing when she joined the Assisted Suicide for Mental Health program. And not for reasons in which you might think.”
The room stilled, attentively listening to the darkest parts that they may not have been privy to.
“It was a rigorous program. She was required to attend group therapy, partner with a stranger, and create sort of a ‘bucket list’ of experiences deemed worth living through at least once. That is where she met the love of her life, the one she so desperately deserved in this lifetime, Asher Graves.”
Peering out into the crowd, I felt my stride pick up. This was beautiful and tragic all the same.
“Asher was a bright light. A beacon for Lennon. Once they completed their initial list together, they decided to keep the inspiration alive. They planned an elaborate trip to Jordan, to visit the Dead Sea as a part of a continuation of everything they began to build together.
“Getting to know Lennon over the past several years has been an incredible privilege. But, bearing witness to watching her fall in love…” I exhale shakily. “That was even more beautiful than I ever could have anticipated it would ever be.”
I peered out into the crowd with a steady smile on my face.
“Asher Graves passed away on January sixteenth, peacefully, with Lennon Becker by his side. Her lifeline to life itself was taken away. It had taken me a steady pacing of time, but I think I have finally processed this in a way that I can ultimately see the beauty inside the tragedy, for Lennon’s sake.
“She was determined to leave this world in a way that caused the least amount of harm. And against my own professional boundaries and practice, I selfishly tried to persuade Lennon to stay here with us.
“Without Asher, Lennon likely would have left this world in early October—her original date attached to the Assisted Suicide for Mental Health Program, but her lifeline was extended because of the love he wrapped her up in.”
I hadn’t realized, but the tears were pooling down my cheeks as I spoke about the tragedy of it all that I was so intertwined with.
“Lennon was a beautiful, young woman, who was careful about who she allowed into her inner circle. She allowed no one she didn’t trust within proximity to her.
There were many traits she possessed that I found bravery within, including her will to keep moving forward until she was no longer able to. ”
I retrieved an envelope from underneath the speech notes.
“Lennon left me a note to share with you. I believe it perfectly captures her heart better than I ever could.”
I unfolded the paper carefully. I opened it to view her handwriting, her penmanship slightly shaky and unsteady while writing such vulnerable words.
“Oh Rachel,
While writing this, I felt scared finally admitting that this time there would be no turning back. I want you to know that you made heavy days feel lighter, even if I never told you.
Before Asher, and before the program, you were what kept me living.
You were the IV pumping life into me so that I could keep proceeding forward.
But that was just existence, because when I met Asher, I realized what it felt like to live.
Then once I knew what it felt like to live, there was no living without him.
I would like to gift you the trip Asher and I had planned. You were the person who connected us —who unknowingly began the ‘bucket list’..’ It only feels fitting that you accept it as a gift from the both of us.
Now that that’s out of the way, please know that you did not fail.
This was always the plan, all along. It was simply prolonged by the beautiful person that Asher Graves was. An unexpected detour. An ethereal interruption.
I don’t believe in higher powers, but if one exists, then maybe this mercy, a simple twist in the course, meant to give me peace before the last memories of my existence. And what a wonderful ending it was.
Do not carry this weight on your shoulders, Rachel. I have loved you as if you were a best friend, which I’ve considered you to be. If we had met in another life, you would have been a person I would have loved to have had as a friend.
Your husband is one lucky man to have you a part of his life, and when you have babies, you’ll be the mom I always dreamt of having.
Asher left this world before I did. And while the days in between then and now were some of the hardest of my life, I know his ghost will be waiting for me at the entrance of whatever doorway I have to walk through to get there.
We always knew death would meet us one day. He just didn’t know I’d be quickly catching up behind him.
I look so forward to finding my Asher, and as we used to promise each other, rotting together until there’s nothing left of us.
And hey, if there’s any possibility of finding anyone else on the other side, I’ll be looking for my dad to let him know his pumpkin carried him in her spirits until I couldn’t carry on anymore.
I love you, Rachel.
Thank you for everything.
I’ll catch you on the flip side.
xo - Lennon
The End