Chapter Four
Nash
“I HEARD YOU WERE BACK in town.” I turn to find Iris Walters, of all people, standing in the doorway of my father’s house, her shoulder propped against the frame.
I immediately wonder how long she’s been standing there. When I opened the doors to air out the smell—stale cigarettes and something else rather foul that I later learned was food rotting under the couch, making it unbearable to be inside longer than a few seconds—I didn’t even consider it would be an invitation for unwanted guests.
For one, this place is pretty remote—the closest neighbor is a good two miles away. My dad moved us here after my mom left. Probably so he could drink himself into oblivion and neglect his only child without people in town judging him. And for two, no one even knows I’m here, or at least, that’s what I assumed. Then again, it makes sense that Paisley would have told her best friend about my return. Probably why she’s here.
“What do you want, Iris?” I grumble, not at all in the mood for whatever bullshit she’s come here to deliver. I’m barely hanging on by a thread as it is.
“Hello to you too, asshole.” She casually crosses her arms in front of herself, seeming completely unfazed by my greeting.
“I’m a little busy at the moment.” I gesture around the room to the various boxes cluttering the space.
“I can see that.” She makes her way inside without waiting to be invited in. “Finally come to pack up all your father’s things, I see.” She runs a perfectly manicured finger across the top of one box.
Iris looks exactly as I remember. Tall and lean, blue eyes that stand out against light brown skin. She’s beautiful, there’s no denying it, but I could never see past Paisley to really appreciate hers, or anyone else’s beauty, for that matter.
Fuck, I still can’t.
Nothing could have prepared me for seeing Paisley when Felix’s front door opened. I met her eyes for only a brief second, but in that moment, I felt like I took my first real breath in years. The weight I’d carried with me seemed to disappear in an instant. That is until realization hit and suffocated me all over again.
I shake my head, trying to rid the memory of what happened next.
I don’t know what I expected, coming back after so many years, after how I left. But P and Felix... Yeah, I definitely never saw that coming.
“What do you want, Iris?” I repeat, not trying to hide my irritation.
“When I heard the Nash Ketter was back in town, I just had to see for myself.”
“If you’ve come here to bitch me out, or whatever the fuck you’re going to do, save it. I really don’t give a shit what you think of me.”
“I take it you saw Paisley.” A brief moment of understanding passes over her face.
“Like she didn’t already tell you all about it.”
“She didn’t, actually.”
I can’t suppress the look of surprise that wrinkles my forehead.
“A lot has changed since you left town,” she explains.
“Yeah, that became pretty obvious yesterday when I learned Felix stole my fucking girl.”
“Not to be one of those state the obvious kind of people, but she kind of hasn’t been your girl for a long time. Kinda hard for someone to steal something that no longer belongs to you.”
“Paisley will always belong to me.”
“Not from where I’m standing.”
“Again, why are you here?”
“Maybe I just wanted to catch up with an old friend. We were friends once, were we not?”
“That was a long time ago.”
“Well, if you’d like, I can just hate you like everyone else does.”
“You don’t already?”
“I did, at first. I hated what you did to Paisley. But then something happened, and I realized that you didn’t do it to her, you did it for her.”
“And how exactly did you come up with that conclusion?” I sneer, even though there’s definite truth to her words.
“When I learned the truth about where you went.”
My stomach knots, unease seeping through my pores—not that I would ever show it.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” She moves around the room, gazing down into various boxes. “Or better yet, why didn’t Felix?” The mere mention of that traitorous asshole makes my skin crawl. “I assume he knew why you left.”
“Not at first, but eventually, I told him the truth.”
“So why didn’t you tell Paisley?”
“Because if I told her the truth, she would have waited for me, and I didn’t want her to waste her life waiting on a pipe dream. I couldn’t see any light at the end of that tunnel. I was so certain I’d never escape it.”
“But you’re here now, and from the looks of you, you did.”
“Too late, it would seem.”
“Now that’s not the Nash Ketter I know. That man would never accept defeat, no matter how grim it looked.”
“That’s because he was a delusional addict. Easy to make yourself believe things when you don’t exactly live in reality.” I scuff the toe of my shoe against the dirty wood floor. “How did you find out?”
“Halfway through my sophomore year of college, my roommate overdosed. I found her.” She looks down at the ground for a long moment. “I didn’t even know she used outside of the occasional pot, but apparently, she was really good at hiding it. Sounds kind of like someone else I know.” She gives me a pointed look. “Anyway,” she quickly continues before I can say anything. “She went to rehab, and I made a point to visit her when I could. Imagine my surprise when I show up one day and see Nash Ketter, of all people, sitting across the room.”
“I didn’t see you.”
“I know, because you were so consumed with whatever you were writing in that journal, I don’t think I saw you lift your head even once.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t know how long it had been going on or how deep into rehab you were. I didn’t want to upset what I know can be a very delicate balance. You moved two states away to go to rehab when there are several in the state of Georgia. I figured there was a reason for that.”
“Yeah, it was free.” I snort out a humorless laugh. “And it was far enough away that I couldn’t easily get back here if it didn’t work. Speaking of telling people, why didn’t you tell Paisley?”
“It wasn’t my place. I wanted to, trust me. But I knew if I did, there would have been no stopping her from going to you. And since you clearly knew you needed to do this on your own, I didn’t want to be the reason you failed. How long were you there anyway?”
“Which time?” I ask, feeling suddenly a lot less annoyed by her presence. I really did always like Iris. She was Paisley’s best friend, after all, which means she was around a lot.
“I see. I guess the better question is, how long have you been clean?”
“Almost a year.”
“And it took you that long to come back?”
“I wanted to make sure it would stick.”
“And has it?”
“Well, I just found out my best friend and my girl are engaged to be married and haven’t drowned myself in a pill, bottle, or fifth of whiskey yet, so there’s that. The day is still young, though.” I let out a humorless laugh.
“You want to go to a meeting? I know of a few around here.” She chuckles at the look I give her. “I’ve been sober since I found Trina. Not a single drop of alcohol. I may not have been an addict, but staying sober in this society, where alcohol is so normalized, it takes a lot of willpower. Sometimes it helps me to hear others’ stories, reminds me why I do it.”
“Well, if you need a reason why, you don’t have to go to a meeting. The stories I could tell you would make you never look at drugs or alcohol the same.”
“That bad?”
“When I left here, I didn’t feel like I could get worse. Fuck, was I wrong. Not only did I get worse, but there was nothing I wouldn’t do to get my next fix. And I do mean, nothing.”
“Nash...”
I didn’t think it was possible to render someone like Iris speechless, but I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn’t know what to say.
“Why are you and Paisley not friends anymore?” I ask in lieu of continuing our current conversation, circling back to her comment about things changing.
“We’re not not friends. We’re just not really close anymore. When you left, she basically disappeared. I think I saw her once before I left for college. For a year, she barely took my calls, and when she did, she never really said much. We just... drifted apart, I guess.”
“When did you move back to town?”
“A couple of months ago. It wasn’t really the plan, but then my dad got sick, and well, here I am.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He passed two weeks after I came home.”
“Fuck, Iris. I’m sorry. I always liked your dad.”
“Yeah, thanks. It’s been hard, but we’re managing. I couldn’t imagine leaving my mom after that, so I decided to make the move permanent.” She shrugs. “What about you? You here for good or just passing through?”
“I’m honestly not sure. I came back to clear out this place. Decided it was time to put it on the market. Figured I’d see where things stand with Paisley and let that be the deciding factor. I was fully prepared to learn that she had moved on, and a part of me hoped for it because then it meant she was able to find happiness without me, no matter how fucking much the thought hurt. But seeing her with Felix...” I grind my back molars, letting my anger mask the utter sadness I feel.
“How long has he known why you left?”
“I told him about a year in, during my second stint in rehab.”
“So before he and Paisley were together. Interesting.”
“Interesting?”
“Yeah, it’s interesting that he didn’t tell her.”
“That’s not the only thing he hasn’t told her.”
“There’s more?” She arches a brow.
“You have no idea.” I shake my head, pushing the too-long strands of hair that fall over my forehead back away from my face.
“Well, don’t leave me in suspense here.” She throws her arms up in the air in dramatic fashion.
“I think I’m gonna hang on to this one for now,” I tell her, smiling when she visibly pouts.
“Fine, keep your secrets. I’ll get the truth out of you eventually. Until then, how would you like some help?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know.” She turns, grabbing an empty box. “Where should I get started?”
“Iris...”
“Don’t Iris me. You’re a recovering addict who’s just learned a pretty horrible truth. If you think I’m leaving you alone to wallow in your own self-pity, you’re out of luck. You may have resisted the temptation to drown your sorrows up to this point, but as you said, the day is still young.”
“You really don’t have to—”
“Not another word on the matter,” she interrupts, leaving no room for argument.
“You’re as bossy as I remember, you know that?”
“Kitchen?” She gives me a cheeky smile.
“Fine. Kitchen,” I agree, not saying the words that stick to the back of my throat like tar.
When I looked up and saw Iris standing in my doorway, I thought for sure it was going to be the thing that sent me over the ledge. Turns out, she might just be the very thing that keeps me from careening over it.