Chapter Twenty
Nash
TRYING TO REFRAIN FROM touching Paisley is like trying to hold your breath. You can never do it for more than a few seconds, and even then, it’s difficult as hell.
After four years of not being able to look at her, smell her, hear her, touch her, my senses feel completely fucking overwhelmed by her very presence. The smallest graze of her hand and my body feels like I’ve touched a live wire.
The further we get into the evening, the more tightly wound I become. I’m desperate to taste her lips, to feel her pressed against me, to hear the sound of my name as it drags past her lips.
Our letters, especially the more recent ones, have been the most satisfying and yet torturous form of foreplay I’ve ever experienced, each one becoming more intimate in nature the closer it got to her visit. I don’t think she even realized the shift they had taken, but I sure as fuck did.
It’s been eight years since I’ve held her. Since I’ve kissed her. Since I’ve been able to sink inside of her and lose myself in her body, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t killing me at this very moment.
Which is why I seize the first opportunity I have to steal her away, pressing up behind her the second her aunt is pulled away to help her mom with something.
“Can we go somewhere more... private?” My lips are so close to her ear that I swear I can almost feel the goose bumps that erupt across her skin at my nearness.
“Yes, please.” She spins around, trying to act unfazed. “If one more person asks me when I’m moving home, I might scream.” She forces an easy smile, but I can see the nervousness he tries to hide.
We’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse all evening and finally, it would seem, I’ve caught her in my trap.
“They should stop asking when you’re moving home and start saying how incredible California looks on you. I, for one, can’t say I’ve ever seen you so at peace with the life you’ve built out there.”
“It really is so beautiful there.” She allows me to take her hand, smiling at me as I do.
“You’ve described it so well in your letters, I feel like I’ve already been there.” I intertwine our fingers, leading her away from the party.
“It’s strange. I had never thought about leaving until I did, and surprisingly, I feel like I ended up exactly where I was always meant to be.”
We move through the lit pathway toward the gazebo that sits at the back of the property. It’s not much different than the spot where we sat when I told her I was leaving all those years ago. This fact is not lost on me as we take a seat side by side, our legs touching we’re so close to one another, and yet I don’t feel nearly close enough.
“It’s so peaceful out here.” Paisley stretches her legs out in front of herself. “I haven’t been back here since my dad built this.” She gestures around us.
“He did a really good job.” I take our joined hands and rest them on my leg.
“He did.” I can see her throat bob as she swallows, unable to hold my gaze for more than a few seconds.
It’s exhilarating to know I still have the power to make her so nervous. I used to revel in it when we were younger, the way she would tremble every time I touched her as though she could feel it through her entire body.
“Being with you like this today, it’s made me happier than I have felt in a very long time,” I admit, rubbing my thumb across the back of her knuckles.
“Me too.” Her breath hitches when I lean in closer.
“I’ve spent four years waiting for this moment, and I’m sure as hell not going to squander it with small talk. I’m going to just say what I need to say and let the chips fall where they may, yeah?”
She gives me a shaky nod. “Okay.”
“I love you,” I say bluntly. “I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, and I’m not even sure I knew what love even was at that time, but I knew right away that you were the girl I was going to marry one day. You changed my life profoundly that day. You took a miserable little boy and made him whole for the first time in his life. You gave me purpose. You gave me friendship. You gave me love. And while I know I haven’t always been deserving of it, you have continued to love me in spite of everything I’ve put you through.”
“Nash...”
“You have been the sun my entire world revolves around for as long as I can remember. You have kept me warm, given me shelter, loved me when I’ve given you a million reasons not to, and I can say with complete certainty that I would not be the man I am today without you. I don’t think... No, I know, I probably wouldn’t have lived to see adulthood if it weren’t for you. You have saved my life in more ways than you will ever realize. And I know I’ve said all of this in my letters, but I need you to hear me say it now. I love you, Paisley. I am so in love with you that sometimes when I think about you it’s hard to breathe. I know I can’t undo the past, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you in the future.”
“What exactly are you trying to say, Nash?” She blinks, unshed tears filling her breathtaking green eyes.
“I’m saying I want this. I want you. I want the house and the white picket fence and the kids. I want it all... With you. I want to build the life we should have had in the first place before I fucked it all up... I want to come to California.”
“You want to move to California?” Her words are shaky, filled with emotion she tries desperately to keep hidden.
“I already told you, P. There isn’t a place on this planet I wouldn’t follow you. All you have to do is ask me to. That’s all you’ve ever had to do. I have been yours since the day we met. Where you go, I go. If you want me there, that is. So do you? Want me there, I mean?”
It’s my turn to sound nervous because I am. Everything is hinging on this. Everything I’ve done for the last four years has been leading up to this moment, and if she says no, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.
Her eyes dart between mine like she’s trying to find something behind them.
“Do you promise to never lie to me again?”
“Never.” I’m quick to answer.
“Do you promise me that you’ll continue to go to meetings and that if you ever feel like you’re struggling, you’ll come to me right away?”
“I promise.”
“Swear to me that what happened eight years ago won’t ever happen again. I wouldn’t survive it.”
“I swear it. With everything that I am, I swear. I couldn’t leave you again if I tried, P. You’re the sun, remember? There is no me without you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to figure that out.”
“The past stays where it is. We never use it against each other, no matter what.”
“No matter what.”
“Are we really going to do this?” Her chin trembles and I’m quick to catch it in between my fingers.
“I will love you so completely that there will never be a day you will ever doubt what you mean to me. Do you hear me? This is it for me, P. You are it for me.” I choke on my own emotion that bubbles up in my throat like lava threatening to explode. “I love you.”
In the span of a millisecond, her lips touch mine, and I swear to Christ, I unravel from the inside out.
The feel of her mouth, the taste of her tongue as it slides across mine, it’s almost too much and yet, not even fucking close to enough.
“I love you,” she pants against my mouth, plunging in to deepen the kiss, her own threads giving way as she throws a leg over mine, straddling me.
I grab her hips, pulling her down onto my erection, groaning into her mouth, the feel of her weight the most exquisite thing I’ve ever felt. When she grinds down onto me a second time, I whimper into her mouth like a fucking pussy-whipped schoolboy. Mainly because I am. It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone, so fucking long since I’ve been with her, I feel myself at risk of blowing off in my damn boxers.
“P...” I have to still her movements, not sure I can hold it together. “Not here.” I nip at her bottom lip.
“Come on.” She slides off my lap slowly, meeting my eyes as she presses down on my erection one last time before her feet hit the ground.
Taking my hand, she tugs me to my feet, leading the way through the back of the property.
“Where are we going?” I whisper into the darkness, the path ahead barely visible until we round the corner of the house, where the porch light shines brightly.
“Shhh.” She holds her finger to her lips when we reach the front door.
Cracking it open just slightly, she makes sure the coast is clear before leading me inside. We’re like fucking teenagers again as we tiptoe toward the stairs, then up the stairs before dipping quietly into her old room.
The door is barely closed behind us before I pin her to it, biting and nipping at her neck as I work the buttons down the back of her dress.
“Did I tell you today how sexy you looked in this dress?” I ask as I slip the material over her shoulders and let it drop freely to the floor. “Fuck me.” I have to resist the urge to bite down on my fist at the sight of her bare tits. “You mean to tell me that you weren’t wearing a bra that whole time?” I smile, stealing her mouth before she can answer.
“You missed something.” Her hands find mine, leading me to the band of her tiny little lace panties.
I’m so desperate I don’t even bother to take the damn things off the proper way. Instead, I twist my fingers into the thin scrap of material on the side and tug. They rip away with ease.
Paisley shows her approval by grabbing my cock through my pants and squeezing.
I damn near come undone a second time.
“I need you inside of me... Like right now.” She fumbles with my belt, her need as potent as mine.
I take over, removing my belt and undoing the front of my pants in the matter of seconds. I barely get the damn things down over my hips when Paisley has me in her hand, pumping her fist up and down in a painfully slow motion that has my hunger clawing its way out from inside of me.
“I don’t have a—” I start to say, but she doesn’t let me finish.
“I trust you.” The way she looks at me nearly brings me to my knees. After everything I’ve done, she still believes I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, and she would be right.
Lifting her up, her legs are barely around my waist before I plunge deep inside her without warning. I groan as her tight walls squeeze me from every angle. I swear I’ve never felt anything so fucking good in my life.
Drawing back, I thrust inside her a second time, her own moans mingling with mine as I slide my tongue along hers, establishing a relentless pace as I take from her everything I’ve spent the last eight years dreaming about.
My mouth never leaves her, drinking in every whimper of pleasure, every cry for more. It doesn’t take long before we’re both teetering on the edge. I try so hard to make it last longer, but when she pulls back and takes my face in her hands, I know I’m a goner.
“I love you,” I grunt as I spill my release inside of her.
“I love you,” she groans, her head falling back as she reaches the peak and topples over the side right alongside me.
I hold her there for a couple of minutes, unwilling to break the connection between us. But eventually, I’m forced to pull out and lower her to her feet.
I brace for the look of regret, but it never comes. When she looks at me, all I see is her unwavering love and it’s enough to make this grown man want to weep in relief.
All the years we’ve spent apart. All the time wasted. All the time I could have been with her and I wasn’t. Suddenly, it all seems worth it to have her standing in front of me now.
“Paisley, I—”
“Move to California,” she blurts.
“Are you sure?” I’m hesitant to ask, but I need to make sure it isn’t the high of what just happened talking.
“Move to California with me. Let’s build the life we always talked about. It’s not too late.”
I take her face in my hands, kissing her with so much fervor I’m rock hard again in seconds.
“Is that a yes?” She smiles against my mouth.
“That’s a hell yes.” I pick her up again, kissing her all the way to the bed. “That’s a million times over yes.” I deposit her onto the mattress.
“You’ll have to sell your house.”
“Already have a buyer lined up.” I surprise her by saying, kicking off my pants before tugging my shirt over my head.
“Can you fit all your things inside your truck?”
“Why do you think I bought it?” I kiss her stomach, between her boobs, across her collarbone before once again settling between her thighs.
“What if I hadn’t asked you to come with me?” She waits until our faces are aligned before asking.
“I hadn’t even entertained that as an option.” I kiss the tip of her nose before moving back to her lips.
“You’re very sure of yourself, Mr. Ketter.” She giggles when I move to her neck, kissing her most ticklish spot.
“Or maybe I’m very sure of you,” I tell her, moving back up to her lips, kissing her once, twice, a third time. “You won’t regret this,” I tell her seriously.
Her hands move into my hair, pushing the long strands away from my face.
“I know,” she says simply before pulling my lips back to hers.
And that is where we spend the remainder of the evening and well into the morning hours, tangled in the sheets of her childhood bed, reclaiming something that we misplaced but never truly lost.
When she falls asleep in my arms just as the sun begins to kiss the sky, I know one thing to be true above all others... This is how I want to spend every night for the rest of my life.
And I plan to do just that...