Chapter Twenty-One
Rico and Gina traded stacks and went through the rest of the photos. When he reached the final one, Rico had to clear his throat again before he could speak. The magnitude of this special gift meant more to him than he could ever express.
Rico glanced at Franco, hoping he could get the words out without blubbering. “You captured all the big moments, but so many of the small, seemingly inconsequential ones too. I can’t thank you enough.”
Franco shrugged off his words. “I’m trained to take photos and to never consider any detail or subject too small.”
Franco needed to work on accepting Rico’s praise and gratitude. He might think this was just another day’s work, but these photos meant the world to Gina and him.
Rico couldn’t get over how many special moments Franco had captured. And the orbs! He saw them in several other photos too, including the ones taken inside Aunt Sophia’s room when they’d said goodbye. No way that could be explained away as any type of lens flare from the sun.
Thanks for coming along with us, Michelle.
How could he begin to repay Franco for this kindness?
“We’ll both treasure these forever,” Rico said.
“I’m glad you like them.”
“But next time, you need to capture some selfies of the three of us. You aren’t in any of these photos. Although, I guess I could have taken some pics. I just didn’t think about it.”
“You needed to be in the moment rather than worrying about preserving the memories, but I’ll include myself in some pics if there’s a next time.”
Rico wondered if Franco would want to come along on a future trip to Chicago but doubted it. This time he’d come because he’d been worried about Rico making the drive with only Gina. But he’d done fine because he’d broken it up into two days of driving each way.
“I’m going to take this one to school.” Gina showed them the one with the orb next to the head of the giraffe. “Becky’s going to have two moms when her mom gets married this weekend, but I’m going to show her my mama’s my guardian angel now.”
Is that what had upset Gina today? Rico couldn’t help but notice Gina didn’t seem to question that Becky’s moms were lesbians. Kids were so innocent, until small-minded adults screwed them up.
Rico and Franco exchanged a glance; Franco seemed a little surprised as well. Rico brought his attention back to the conversation.
“Did Becky say something that upset you?”
Gina shrugged, but when her lower lip pushed out and her chin quivered, he took her hand and tugged her toward him, lifting her onto his lap.
“She wasn’t trying to be mean, but she kept telling us all the things her two moms did with her, and I…” She sniffled. “I got jealous.”
He stroked her hair as she rested her head against his chest. Poor baby.
“Did she talk about her two moms before now?”
Gina nodded. “All the time. But it didn’t bother me when I still had Mama here.”
At least it wasn’t an issue of bullying. Gina simply felt she was missing out on what her friend—probably all her friends—had. “Well, you can definitely tell Becky about your guardian angel, but not in a bragging way.”
“Why not?”
“Because your mama would want you to be kind and considerate.”
“Oh, yeah.” She thought a while and grew even more serious. “I forgot Mama is watching what I do and say all the time now.”
Rico grinned over her head as he and Franco locked gazes again, but Franco didn’t share the humor in her worries. Why’d he become so somber? Whatever bothered him would have to wait to be revealed later. Gina was his first concern at the moment.
“I don’t want you to think she’s watching over you to catch you being naughty, Sweetie. Mostly, she wants to be your protector now and to let you know she’ll always be with you. That’s what guardian angels do.”
“Oh, that’s good!” Her relief was palpable, not that Rico thought she’d been doing anything Michelle would disapprove of. He needed to pay closer attention to what she was thinking and doing, not that he wanted to be a helicopter parent—much.
“Is Becky a close friend?” Rico asked.
Gina shrugged. “Not really. But we sometimes eat lunch together.”
“What do you think about her moms’ getting married?” He and Michelle had always been open with Gina about Rico’s interest in dating guys instead of women, but Rico had never brought any male dates over to Gina and Michelle’s, so she’d never seen him with a man he was romantically involved with. Well, until Franco, but Gina had no clue they had any interest in each other beyond being friends. They’d never openly shown any other side of their relationship around her.
Too early for that.
“Becky’s really happy. And I’ve seen both of her moms at things at school. They’re nice to everybody.”
Rico ought to cultivate a relationship with Becky’s moms. It also might help him navigate the waters at school and in the community if problems arose, although he anticipated it was likely to be easier to be out here in a big city like Denver than it had been in Aspen Corners. Not that he let any of the snide remarks there bother him. They usually came from out-of-towners who didn’t matter to Rico anyway.
As a bonus, networking with other same-sex couples might help Gina accept his own relationship when the time came for one.
Would that relationship be with Franco?
Could be. Rico wondered how many other couples would be marrying now that it was legal in every state, although Colorado had made it legal a full year before the Supreme Court’s ruling this past summer.
This was what his mama would have called a teachable moment. “What do you and your friends think about her moms’ marrying?”
“It’s kinda cool. They’re going to go up on Mount Evans and have the ceremony with the mountain goats. Becky’s the junior bridesmaid. I wish I could be a bridesmaid someday.”
Rico couldn’t help but smile that all she seemed to care about were the goats and being in the bridal party. The fact that she made no judgment over whom people chose to love and marry gave him hope for the future.
Then again, Rico wasn’t sure what being openly gay meant to a ten-year-old or if she understood how some people felt about same-sex marriage.
“I have no doubt you will be in many weddings.” Not that he wanted to think about her being in her own for another twenty years or more.
Rico glanced at Franco who seemed to be hanging on to Rico’s next words even more so than Gina. Would there come a time when Gina had two dads? With everything on the back burner right now, Rico didn’t have a clue if there would ever be more between Franco and him.
He returned his focus to Gina. “I’m happy for them,” Rico began. “A marriage is a special commitment between two people who love each other a lot and want the whole world to know it.”
“But doesn’t God want them to get married? Becky said they couldn’t get married at our church.”
Crap. Here we go.
Rico sighed. He wouldn’t get into a rant on religion, though.
“God is all about our loving one another, right?”
She nodded.
“So how could He not want us to express our love for one another in a public way by marrying someone we love, no matter if we’re a boy and a girl or two boys or two girls?”
“Can I marry you when I get bigger?”
Whoa! Now he hadn’t expected that one. A snicker from Franco told him he could barely contain his laughter. Rico would like to change places with him right now. Instead, Franco got himself under control and awaited Rico’s response.
“No, Sweetie. We’re related.”
“So? Married people are related.”
Explaining the gay marriage thing was easier than this one. He steered them clear of that discussion with a non-answer. “We have laws that say we shouldn’t marry our cousins or close relatives.”
“But why? I love you, and you love me.”
Rico glanced at Franco who now bit the inside of his lower lip. Rico drew in a deep breath and let it out. “The beauty of it is that we can love people in different ways. We both love each other a lot, but it’s a different kind of love. A family love.” Before she asked another question, he continued, “Now, back to Becky’s moms’ getting married. Do you have any questions about that?”
She looked from him to Franco and asked, “I can tell you love Zio Franco too. Are you two going to get married someday?”
Now that took the mirth right off Franco’s face as he sobered instantly.
No way was he going to have “the talk” with her about romantic love. He sure wished Michelle were here, because he would have handed Gina over in a hot minute.
“We love each other, yes, but falling in love romantically with someone is a different kind of love, and it just happens when it happens.”
Wow. Lame explanation, Rico.
Although Rico wasn’t so sure he wasn’t falling in love with the big lug. Did Franco seem disappointed in his response?
But Gina went on, “I’m going to get married someday, but I want to go to college first.”
“Good girl. An education is important. Besides, you don’t want to rush into something like marriage. In fact, I don’t think you should marry until you’re at least thirty.” He really wasn’t sure he wanted her dating much before then, either.
She sat up straight and scrunched her brows together to scowl at him for a moment before saying, “But what if I fall in love before that?”
“Well, we’ll see when the time comes.”
Whoever she married had better be worthy of her, or Rico would let her know why he was against the union.
“I’m ready for the movie!” Gina announced.
Apparently, this discussion was at an end. Rico’s muscles relaxed as relief flooded his body. Thank Gawd. “Let’s do it.”
And just like that, she jumped off his lap and ran down the hall to grab the DVD from her room. He was certain these talks would only get harder when she asked more advanced questions about sex and marriage in the years to come, but they’d deal with them in an age-appropriate manner later. In the meantime, he’d do a little research on how to talk with kids about such things.
I need a crash course in parenting.
“Well done, Rico. Spoken like a true Papa.”
“You could have chimed in anytime you wanted to,” Rico admonished.
“Oh no, boi! That’s all your territory. I’m just the quasi-uncle who comes over Friday nights to play games, watch movies, and go with you two on the occasional trip to Chicago.”
“Bullshit. You’re a much bigger part of our lives than that, and you know it.” Franco’s description of himself reminded Rico of the guncle shirt he saw while looking for their movie attire earlier this week. He should totally get one for Franco who fit the bill as both gay and an uncle.
Franco sobered and glanced down the hallway. “It sure is a different day and age than when we were growing up, though. We were born in the wrong generation.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m perfectly content with when I was born and who I am.”
Franco nodded, sadness entering his gaze. “Yeah, I guess I’m the one who feels out of place sometimes.”
“Maybe you put yourself there, not the people around you.”
“Fair enough.”
Gina ran back into the room at that moment, and the conversation came to an abrupt end, but Rico hoped Franco would wake up one of these days and see all that he was missing by hiding from himself.
By the time Gina went to bed, Franco realized how exhausting it must be to be a parent. He’d also become frustrated with how seldom he and Rico could talk around her.
Rico rejoined him and went to the kitchen to clean the air fryer. “That conversation earlier tonight got a little dicey, didn’t it?”
Franco nodded. “You handled it better than I ever would have.”
“Thanks. Let’s hope I haven’t screwed the kid up for life by telling her she can’t get serious about anyone until she’s thirty.”
“Hell, I’d have said thirty-five. I’m that age now, and I’m not ready to take the plunge myself.”
Rico’s hand stopped scrubbing for a moment before he resumed cleaning the tray with even more vigor.
Franco had decided one thing tonight after hearing Gina and Rico talking about gay marriage. Unable to wait for Rico to finish what he was doing, he blurted out, “I’m going to tell my family I’m gay.”
Rico looked up from washing the tray. “About time. Who will you tell first? Mama?” Apparently, the monumental aspect of this revelation was lost on Rico.
Franco shook his head. “I’ll just tell them all together on Turkey Day.” In a rare quirk of the two firehouse calendars, the entire family would be able to gather at Rafe’s this year for a traditional Thanksgiving. If he wanted to come out to his family, that would be the ideal time to do it.
Rico let the tray slip back into the soapy water and stared at him. “Are you nuts?”
Franco cocked his head. “What do you mean?” He thought Rico would be happy to hear he was finally going to come out to his family.
“While I agree they all need to hear it directly from you at some point, it might be better to test the waters and tell them individually or in smaller numbers.”
“You told everyone at the same time.”
“Maybe it looked that way to you, but I actually talked with Aunt Sophia first. She assured me Mama and Michelle could handle the news. But after them, I cast the net slowly with the hardest group coming last—my peers at school. That was probably the only one you knew about.”
Franco had been both shocked and awed at the same time when Rico had announced it after a track meet at their school. The announcement had been mostly met with derision once they’d realized Rico wasn’t goofing around. Afterward, some of the guys had insisted that Rico not go into the locker room until after they’d dressed and left.
“Good thing I don’t have to worry about coming out to a bunch of dicks in high school,” Franco said with a grin.
“You’re one lucky bastard, because there were more than a few dicks in that school—and not ones I wanted to have anything to do with.” Rico smiled lamely before growing serious again. “Why now, all of a sudden?”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since Matteo’s wedding, but hearing you talking with Gina tonight—and the way she responded to the idea of two women marrying, or even asking about us possibly marrying someday—eased my apprehension a lot. You were so open with her, and she didn’t seem to care one way or another who loves whom.”
“Gina’s known I’m gay most of her life. At least, Michelle and I never tried to hide anything from her. We thought that, when I introduced someone to them as my boyfriend, Gina wouldn’t be shocked by it.”
Had Rico brought boyfriends over to meet Michelle and Gina? Franco didn’t want to think about whom Rico had been with before. It wasn’t as if Franco had been a monk, that’s for sure, but he didn’t want to talk about the men he’d dated.
Rico continued. “Answer me this. Who are you most afraid to tell?”
He didn’t have to think long. “Mama, for one. I know she will love me unconditionally no matter who I love or how I identify, but I don’t want to disappoint her.”
“I doubt you ever could.”
Franco thought a moment about Rico’s original question. Before his death, Papa’s possible rejection had scared him the most, partly because of something he’d overheard him say when Franco had been eighteen. But Papa had been killed before he’d been anywhere near ready to come out.
“I’m also not so sure about Rafe. Straight guys can get a little weird around a gay man.”
“Then I think you should talk to him before any of the others.”
“Because he might reject me?”
Rico shook his head. “I can’t see that happening. He’s never looked down on me for being gay.”
“Of course he wouldn’t.”
“Then what makes you think he will with you?”
“Because I’m his little brother, and he’s assumed Papa’s traditional role as head of the family. You’re Italian, Rico. You know how it’s ingrained in us from when we were kids that everything we do is a reflection on the family, and the last thing we want to do is something that will reflect badly.”
The thought of losing Rafe’s respect and acceptance would devastate Franco. “Even though we’re only two years apart, I’ve looked up to him my whole life. I don’t want to disappoint him.”
“And being gay would be a disappointment to him how?”
Why was Rico asking him all these questions?
“That’s not what I’m saying.” What am I trying to say? “Rafe’s just so…macho. Poster boy for the ideal Italian man.”
Hell, that wasn’t what I mean, either.
“So are you.”
“I am?” Rico’s words took him by surprise, but Rico saw him differently than Rafe did. While he tried to portray himself as strong and had always been proud of his heritage, especially around the guys he’d worked with at the fire station and now in the fire investigation unit, he wasn’t sure how he came across to other guys.
Rico waggled his eyebrows. “Especially when you go all Dom on me.”
Ah. Well, Franco wished he could go all Dom on Rico again right now. He smiled. “That’s different.”
“Not to me.” Rico picked up the tray again and rinsed it off. “Maybe you ought to come out to Rafe about being a Dom at the same time and kill two birds with one stone.”
“My kink life is none of his fucking business.”
Rico smiled. “Exactly. Neither is whether you’re straight or gay. I just wonder why you’re giving his opinion so much weight.”
Good point. Franco didn’t know. “I guess in some weird way I’m still seeking Rafe’s approval as Papa’s surrogate. If he approves, then I won’t feel that I’ve let Papa down. But if he rejects me, then…”
“You think Papa G would have felt let down if he’d known?”
Franco shrugged. Should he tell him what he’d overheard Papa say? No, but that was only part of his reluctance to come out.
“I don’t know, Rico. When Gina was talking before dinner about her mama watching over her, that’s exactly how I felt after Papa died. Only I didn’t see Papa looking over me in a protective way as you described it. I thought he could finally see me for who I was. At college, I’d begun to hook up with guys, but I was still confused about who I was. I briefly tried to be someone I wasn’t, as if I could fool Papa in the afterlife.”
Wow! He’d never told anyone that before.
Franco had been afraid to do anything Papa might disapprove of—like be in a sexual relationship with another man. Soon after Papa died, he’d tried to pretend he could be straight, like his brothers. After one night trying to drown his sorrow and confusion with too much alcohol at a bar near campus, he’d slept with a woman to prove to himself he wasn’t gay. He couldn’t remember much about the woman or the encounter itself—not even if they’d actually done the deed. But he’d come away knowing he had no desire to seek out another woman, so it must have been a failure.
For whatever reason, though, he’d chosen to keep his orientation from Mama and his siblings, despite little by little coming to accept himself for who he was.
“Do you still feel like your papa’s judging you from the other side?”
“No.” Not really. “I mean, he has better things to do than to judge me.” When Rico cocked his head, he explained further. “I did a lot of reading on the afterlife after Papa died, and honestly, I don’t think souls on the other side bother to judge us sorry folks still stuck in our bodies. That’s just something we stupid humans do.”
“I’ll buy that because it is stupid.” Rico paused to look pointedly at Franco as if calling him stupid too. “Sometimes our living loved ones have one image of us and won’t allow us to veer away from their misperceptions.” After a moment, he continued. “But if someone judges me on anything, and I don’t agree with their assessment, then that’s their problem, not mine. I don’t have to conform to their bigoted judgments of who they think I should be.”
“How’d you get to be so smart and well-adjusted, Rico?”
His grin disarmed Franco. “Just comes natural, I guess.”
Franco rolled his eyes.
“Okay, so it comes with time,” Rico continued. “I’ve been out a long time, and I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s their problem if they can’t accept me for who I am. I don’t need anyone’s approval.”
Would Franco ever feel that self-confident? Would he one day get to a place where he could hold hands or kiss Rico around family, friends, or even strangers, without wondering what they thought?
God, I hope so.
In the meantime, he couldn’t keep a smile off his face, ready to leave this conversation behind them. “When are we going to have some alone time again?”
“We’re alone now.”
“I mean without Gina down the hall.”
“Well, Mama J and Paul want Gina all to themselves Sunday. Why don’t you come over to my house in Aspen Corners for the day? I’m not needed at the pub on Sundays.”
The wheels had already begun turning about what they might do together. Which toys might they play with this time? “I’ll pack an extra bag.”
“I hope you’re talking about your evil toy bag. Sir.”
The added emphasis on the title excited Franco. He couldn’t wait to carry out a full scene with Rico in the privacy of his home. All alone. No interruptions.
“Absolutely.”