Chapter 33
Jessie
“The doctor will be in to see you shortly,” I tell the elderly woman and her daughter before exiting her curtained room. She fell at home and broke her hip.
It’s been steadily busy in the ER all day, and I’m grateful for it. My fight with Trey about our relationship status and the fact that he spoke to my father without telling me has been eating at me. Daryl isn’t going away, and Trey just made it worse.
But Trey’s words from the other night haunt me. I understand where he’s coming from—I know we’re good together, I’m not blind. But how long would it really last? Getting into a relationship isn’t safe for him or my heart.
We never should’ve started spending our free time together, eating our meals together, and most of all, we never should’ve started sleeping in the same bed every single night.
I slept like shit again without him last night, and I hate that.
I’ve always been fine sleeping alone—even when I was dating someone, but now I’m ruined.
Last night, I was so damn close to sneaking into his room and under the covers with him.
Hearing him on the other side of the door spilled fresh tears down my cheeks.
My shift is over in a few minutes, and my emotions are all over the place.
I’ve spent the day going back and forth between fuming in anger that he confronted my father and contemplating Kacey’s advice.
I still don’t know what to say to Trey when I get home.
There isn’t much I can say—he broke my trust by talking to Daryl and not telling me.
Yet even after all that, I’m still worried if he pushes for a relationship again that I’ll fold like a house of cards, right into his arms. I’m scared things with Daryl will escalate, and I feel safe when I’m with Trey.
That’s selfish, though, because it’s safer for him if he leaves and never comes back at all.
It’s better we end this now. I know I’ll miss him. I’ve grown to care for him more than I thought I was capable of. This was never the plan—he was supposed to be his fuckboy self and want to leave when he could rodeo again.
I give the nightshift nurse an update on my patients before heading to the locker room and grabbing my bag.
I can feel something is off the moment I walk out of the hospital.
The sun has slipped behind the mountains, casting the parking lot in shadows.
As I turn the corner of the building, I’m yanked—hard—and pushed up against the wall.
A hand is over my mouth before I can scream.
“Don’t worry, it’s just your old man. We need to chat.” My father’s wolfish smile greets me. He pulls his hand away and releases me before I can bite him.
“Get the fuck away from me!” I try to push past him, but he grabs my arm, stopping me.
“Not so fast. Your little boyfriend paid me a visit yesterday, and I don’t fuckin’ appreciate you siccing him on me. You’ll pay for that. Next time, don’t be a little bitch. If you have something to say to me, tell me yourself.”
“I didn’t—”
“Shut up!” He shakes me. “Let’s discuss the cash you’ll be getting for me. Where is the $5,000? If you and him want safety in this town, from now on, you’ll have to pay for it.”
“Stay the fuck away from him,” I grit out.
His shoulders shake with a sinister laugh.
“I knew you were fuckin’ him but don’t tell me you’ve gone and fallen for him, too.
So, what? You feel protective now? Afraid your old man will run him off?
Well, don’t worry, Jessie, you’ll do that all on your own.
A man like him only keeps a cunt around for so long. ”
I take a step back, attempting to free my arm. “Let go.”
“You think I’m wrong? You’re trash, and you come from a long line of trash.
Just because you managed to get a degree to be a professional asswiper don’t make you anything special.
He has money, fame, and a bitch like you isn’t capable of keeping a man like that.
He only sees you as a piece of ass and nothing more. ”
I finished the braid in my hair, just like Kacey showed me, grinning at my reflection. I can’t wait to show her. She said it suited me. Said it made me look strong. I want to feel strong.
I sling my backpack over my shoulder and bolt for the door.
But I don’t make it.
A hand grasps the braid firmly and yanks it like a leash, making me stumble backward.
“What’s this?” my father sneers. “Trying to play dress-up now? Look like that Hart girl?” He laughs, mean and loud. “You don’t belong with girls like her. You’ll never be one of them. Don’t forget where you come from.”
I push the memory out of my mind. “I didn’t tell him to talk to you, but I don’t have any more money—you’ve taken it. And I can’t get any from him. It doesn’t matter anyway. Like you just said, he’s leaving.”
“If you won’t get me the money, you better hope he’s leaving town soon. Or he might find himself too hurt to ride again. No one comes into my town and tells me what to do.” He releases his grip, and I take off for my car.
My hands shake as I get in and lock the door. Throwing it in drive, I speed out of the parking lot, away from him. Tears blur my vision as his words sink in.
He’s right. I won’t bring anything but trouble to Trey’s life. He’s better off without me.
I drove around until my hands stopped shaking and the tears stopped falling. I go numb, knowing what comes next.
Trey is sitting at the kitchen table when I walk in the back door. I’m emotionally wrung out, and what I have to do is going to tear me apart, but I care about him too much to keep this going and put him at risk.
“Hi. Late night?” he asks as I set my things down.
“Yeah, something like that. Can we talk?”
He nods. “I was hoping we could.” He stands, moving toward me.
I take a step back.
Hurt flashes across his face. “About yesterday,” he starts. “I know approaching him was wrong. You told me not to and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry, Jessie, but I see the way he affects you, and I hate it. You’re scared of him. I don’t know what he has over you, but I—”
“There is no ‘but.’ I told you to leave it alone, and you didn’t listen. You saw the consequences of pissing Daryl off last night. The worst part is, you didn’t tell me, I had to find out sitting in front of two police officers. You broke my trust, Trey.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I never meant to, and it will never happen again.”
“You’re right, it won’t—because we’re done.” I replay Daryl’s threats to Trey’s health in my mind, praying it helps me get through this.
“I know what I said about a relationship the other night, but we can—”
“You need to leave.” I calmly cut him off.
“What?” he sounds more confused than hurt.
“You need to leave. We want different things, and we always knew this was going to end.”
“Jessie, wait. Let’s just talk about this.” He reaches for me again.
Again, I step away. Trey’s love language is physical touch. I know every time I move away from him that it only hurts him more.
It’s killing me, too.
I can see his mind working, trying to figure a way out of this. So, I make sure what I say next will end this with all certainty. I’ll never be able to take it back, and he’ll never forgive me—but that’s the point.
I steel myself, telling myself I can cry later, just get this over with.
“Get the fuck out of my house, Trey,” I spit.
“This was nothing, we are nothing. You were a good time wrapped in a cowboy package, but I am done. I’m over this, over you, and you need to leave.
Get out of my house and out of my life. Go rodeo and fuck all the buckle bunnies, just leave me alone.
” My heart cracks in two as the words leave my mouth.
I hate them, I hate this, I hate myself.
But I can’t risk his safety, nothing’s worth that.
He recoils, my words striking hard. “Y–you don’t mean that.” He swipes his fingers through his blond hair. “Why are you doing this? I know I fucked up, but I’m sorry. We can fix this, Jessie, just let me try.” He sounds broken, and I can’t stand it.
I turn away, hiding the pain I’m sure I’m hardly concealing. “We’re done, Trey. Go to the bunkhouse or go help Knox until you’re cleared to ride. I don’t give a shit, but you can’t stay here.” I don’t think I can hold back my tears much longer.
“Fuck, Jessie. Look at me.” He spins me around, cupping my face with his hands. When he sees the tears streaking down my face, he presses his forehead to mine. “Baby, please talk to me. Don’t do this. I’m so sorry, please believe me.”
I give myself ten seconds—ten more seconds to feel his hands on me, see his blue eyes look into mine, and breathe in his familiar scent.
“Please go. I need you to go.” I choke on the words but force them out. He thinks this is all because he spoke to Daryl, but it’s so much more than that. My life is a tornado, and I stand in the center of it, watching pieces of my world get sucked up and destroyed around me.
“We just need some time. We can work this out. I don’t leave for a few more days—we can talk before I go. I can’t leave like this.” His voice cracks as a single tear falls.
“Yes, you can. There is nothing left to say, just go. Please.” I pull away from him as the realization that I’m not backing down, that this is over, crosses his face.
He heaves a breath before pulling me to him one last time, kissing my forehead before releasing me.
My heart nearly stops altogether when he says, “We could’ve been so much more.
And I’ll always regret that we weren’t, but I’ll never regret you, Jessie Hawkins.
You showed me there was more—more to life, more to love, more to myself.
And I want you to know I’m only walking out that door because you’re asking me to. ”
I take another step away from him and swipe the tears away. Our eyes hold; I try to memorize his baby blues, and we must come to some kind of understanding because he nods once, grabs his keys, and walks out.
And only then do I let myself fall apart.
I was awake all night. Trey never came home.
I don’t know what I expected. I told him to get out and he did.
He listened. I park in the driveway after the last-minute shift I picked up—my fifth shift of the week.
He borrowed a truck from the ranch yesterday and took his to the shop.
It’s not parked in the drive, and I try to push aside my thoughts of regret.
I did what was best for him; I did what had to be done.
I unlock the door and go inside. The house is quiet, no sounds of Trey cooking, playing video games, or moving about the house.
I wander through the kitchen and down the hallway until I come to his open bedroom door.
The bed is perfectly made, his video game console is gone, and there is one dresser drawer left slightly ajar.
I walk inside and pull it open. It’s empty.
I open more drawers, the closet—all empty.
He’s gone.
I drop to the floor, leaning against the wall, looking around his empty room. He must have come and packed his things while I was at work. Guilt flows through my body. I can’t help but feel like I might have just fucked up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.