Chapter Eleven
London
“Are you sure you don’t want anything else?”
I blink and force myself to look up from the half-empty glass of water. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
Miss Deveroux wipes the counter, inching closer to me. “Have you given it any more thought?”
I sag against the bar. “I have.”
“And?”
I shrug and down the rest of my water, carefully avoiding her gaze.
Guilt gnaws at my insides as I think of Mason and the look on his face over the past few days. I know it isn’t fair to cast him in a negative light without giving him a chance to defend himself, but I wonder if it’s for the best.
I haven’t decided whether to keep the baby.
I still have weeks left.
Sixteen weeks to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, and all I can think of is how much I want to crawl into my parents' bed and have my mom stroke my hair while my father makes me tea.
I miss them so much that my chest aches.
In another world, my parents and I would be shopping for baby clothes.
I have no idea why my mind keeps going back to them and the future I walked away from.
I hate feeling like I’m betraying Mason just by thinking about it.
He didn’t make me stay; no one did.
I chose to commit to Mason, knowing full well the risks involved, but it was before I learned about the life growing inside of me.
Would you really have walked away if you had known you were pregnant? Come on, London. Who are you kidding? The fact that you haven’t said anything to Mason tells you all you need to know.
I hate feeling like I’m being pulled in two directions.
After everything Mason and I have been through, don’t we deserve to be happy?
Grow up, London. No one has it all, and you’re not the exception. The sooner you wrap your head around that, the better.
I still have weeks to make peace with whatever decision I make, and as Miss Deveroux pours me some more water, I realize I’m no closer to deciding.
Staying with Mason means giving up the baby.
But the thought of parting with my baby makes me sick.
I haven’t even met them yet, and they already feel like a part of me, like I’ve been waiting for them all along.
I can’t keep this to myself for sixteen weeks, and I can’t wait that long to decide.
It’s eating away at me, at us, and Mason is bound to notice my growing stomach at some point.
Miss Deveroux sighs. “I got what you asked for. It’s in my office in the first drawer.”
I lift my gaze to hers and grimace. “I’m sorry. I hope no one gave you any trouble.”
Miss Deveroux covers my hand with hers and shakes her head. “I can handle myself. I’ll distract Katia while you get to the office, but make it quick.”
I slide off the stool and straighten my clothes.
Outside the bathroom hallway, I pause and glance back, relief coursing through me when I see Miss Deveroux waving Katia over.
The assassin looks annoyed as she crosses to her and scowls.
A heartbeat later, I feel my way down the dimly lit hallway to Miss Deveroux’s office.
As soon as the door clicks open, I dart in and nearly crash into her mahogany desk.
My heart is pounding as I rifle through the drawer, letting the light from the hallway spill into the room. When my fingers close around the boxes, I stuff them into my pocket. I make it back to the bathroom, noticing Katia and Miss Deveroux still locked in a conversation.
With a sigh, I go into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face.
I linger for a bit, waiting for my heart to stop thundering in my chest.
Katia is nowhere to be found when I come back out.
I frown and take a step in Miss Deveroux’s direction as a hand closes around my wrist. The scream dies on my lips when Katia’s face emerges, her expression furious. She tugs, and I lose my footing and stumble against her.
“I know what you’re doing, Princess.”
I tilt my head back to look up at her. “What are you talking about?”
Katia’s grip tightens on my wrist. “Unless you want me to tell Mason what you’ve been up to, you’re going to come with me, quietly.”
Fear and panic claw their way through me.
I shoot Miss Deveroux a panicked look before Katia drags me off.
We move through a maze of corridors until the back door opens into the balmy evening air. I struggle to match my pace to Katia’s, but the assassin doesn’t seem to care. She doesn’t slow down when I plead or beg, and she only quickens her pace when I lose my balance again and slam into her back.
The manor is quiet as we barge through the front door, and Katia pulls me up the stairs.
As soon as we reach Mason’s wing, she shoves the door open and throws me in.
I wheel to face her, and she kicks the door shut with the back of her leg.
I clasp my hands behind my back and hope she hasn’t seen my tremor.
You didn’t honestly think the assassin wouldn’t notice, did you? Katia notices everything. It’s a miracle she hasn’t said anything before.
Will she go straight to Mason?
Or will she leverage the information?
I don’t like knowing my fate is in her hands again.
“I thought you were smarter than that, Blondie. You aren’t as careful as you think, and Miss Deveroux’s attempts at keeping me distracted are pathetic,” Katia says. “Whatever the hell she gave you, this ends now.”
My heart sputters and stops. “You don’t understand.”
Katia advances on me, and her expression darkens. “This only ends one way, Blondie, and I don’t see this going well for you, so let’s do this the easy way.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Katia.”
“Let me guess. The pressure is getting to you, huh? You’ve realized that it’s not all wild sex and power. Well, guess what? Everyone warned you, but you wouldn’t listen, and I know Mason gives you a lot of leeway, but I’ll be damned if I stand there and let you ruin things further.”
“Katia, I—”
“Give me the drugs, London.” Katia is in front of me, and she’s backed me up against the wall. “I’m not going to let some junkie destroy what Mason has worked for.”
“Drugs?” I repeat weakly. “I’m not on drugs.”
Katia pins me against the wall, yanks the box from my grasp, and holds it up in the air. The gleam in her eyes changes as she realizes what she’s holding. Suddenly, the color drains from her face, and her hand drops.
“What the fuck is this?”
“I know you know what those are, Katia.”
She drops the boxes like she’s been electrocuted. “This is worse than I thought. How could you let this happen?”
“You think I planned this? Come on, Katia. Why in the hell would I do this to myself? Everything is complicated enough without adding a baby to the mix.”
“You need to take care of it,” Katia says.
“That’s my decision.”
Katia’s eyes narrow into slits, and she shakes her head. “No, it isn’t. This affects the entire family. Mason’s behavior makes sense now. He must be losing his shit. There’s this place outside the city. I’ll sort out the details with Mason—”
“No,” I say forcefully. “I mean, I—we haven’t decided yet what we’re going to do, and Doctor Shepard says there’s still time.”
Katia stares at me.
Slowly, she shakes her head. “I know you’re not stupid enough to keep Mason in the dark.”
“I—”
“Mason needs to know,” Katia interrupts. “You owe him at least that much, don’t you think?”
I avoid her gaze and swallow. “It’s not that simple.”
Katia turns away from me.
She spends the next few moments pacing the room and mumbling to herself in a language I don’t recognize.
When she finally stops again and looks at me, I can’t decide if she wants to throw me into the back of a car to take care of the problem herself or if she’s going to throw me at Mason’s feet and leave me at his mercy.
I don’t know which would be worse.
“I’m not going anywhere, Katia,” I say firmly. “Not without a fight.”
Katia rakes her hand through her hair. “I’m not going to force you to do anything, Blondie. Jesus, don’t be fucking ridiculous. Mason won’t like that you hid this from him, but I’m not going to be the one to tell him, and I’m not going to let him think I harmed either of you.”
Relief washes over me. “So, you’re not going to tell him?”
Katia shoots me a dirty look. “Not yet.”
I sigh. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Blondie. I’m not doing this for you, but I hope you make the right decision, because this is all fucked.”
My chest is tight as I stare at her. “I know.”
Katia throws the door open. Through the opening, I watch her brush past Olivia, who stares after her. Then, Olivia turns, raps on the door, and pokes her head in.
I don’t want to talk to her.
I don’t want to talk to anyone.
My conversation with Katia has left me drained and unsettled, and the last thing I want is to discuss strategy with Olivia.
“What did you do to Katia?”
I shrug, turn my back on Olivia, and pretend to straighten the bed. “I haven’t done anything. You know how she is.”
Olivia sighs. “I know the last meeting didn’t go as well as we’d hoped, but I’m working on something different.”
I spin around to face Olivia and ignore the lurch in my chest. “Look, I know I said I’d appreciate updates, but I think it’s time we face facts.”
“What do you mean?”
“Whatever history you have with… whoever, it’s clearly not enough to bring him to the table,” I say quietly. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but someone has to say it.”
Olivia frowns. “You don’t know the history, London. It’s not about that.”
I throw my hands in the air and shake my head. “You’re right. I don’t know the history. There’s a lot I don’t know, but it’s not for a lack of trying. You Paynes love keeping things close to the vest.”
“I know you’re risking a lot—”
“You don’t,” I say. “Do you have any idea the toll it’s taking on me? On Mason? I go to sleep every night wondering if I’m going to wake up with bars on the door and windows.”
Olivia’s frown deepens. “Mason wouldn’t do that.”
I let out a low, humorless laugh. “Wouldn’t he? I’ve seen what he does to the people who betray him, and he can make my leash a lot tighter, no matter how we feel about each other.”