Chapter Thirteen #2
Olivia comes to stand next to me and takes my hand in hers.
“Let’s just do a quick check before we get started.
” Doctor Shepard snaps on a pair of gloves and reaches for the wand.
He opens a drawer, pulls out a tube, and squeezes a generous amount onto my stomach.
Then he moves the wand around, a furrow appearing between his brows.
For a while, only silence and the sound of my heavy breathing fill the room.
Then I hear the heartbeat again, and I burst into tears.
I heave silently as I wrench my hand away and bury my face in my hands.
Olivia’s hand is on my back again, and she’s saying something into my ear, but I can’t make anything out.
All I can hear, over and over like a broken record on repeat, is my baby’s heartbeat.
It’s loud, undeniable, and real.
I feel someone’s hand on my arm, and I jerk up, drawing my knees up to my chest. “No. Let me go.”
“It’s just us,” Katia says. “Did he hurt you? What happened?”
Tears stream down my face as I shake my head.
“He was just doing a checkup,” Olivia says. “I don’t know if they’re allowed to give her a sedative.”
I glance between them and swallow. “I can’t do this.”
“London—”
“I can’t do this,” I repeat, louder now. “I know why I should, and I know it’s for the best, but I just can’t. I heard the heartbeat, and I… I can’t do it, Olivia. It’s my…it’s our baby.”
A weight lifts as soon as the words leave my lips.
Just as quickly, I see the look on Katia’s face, and dread fills me again.
“Your baby will never be safe,” Katia tells me, stopping to block Olivia from my sight. “Think about that for a minute.”
I release my knees and stretch them out in front of me. “I know.”
Katia searches my face. “You better be damn sure of this, Blondie.”
I ignore the lurch in my chest. “I am.”
Olivia places a hand on Katia’s arm and waits for me to look at her. “We’ll do whatever you decide, London, but we don’t have a lot of time before we have to head back.”
I glance between them and inhale again.
On the count of five, I square my shoulders. “I’m keeping the baby.”
Katia mutters something and steps back.
Olivia throws her arms around me.
I don’t move for a minute, then slowly, finally, I relax against Olivia.
She holds my hand in hers and doesn’t budge when the doctor returns, and there’s a flurry of activity around us.
I spot the dark-haired nurse who wheels the cart out, the door shutting behind her with a finality that makes me want to hide.
I don’t hear a word Doctor Shepard says as he continues his checkup.
Olivia hands me another cup of water, and I down it in one gulp.
When I blink, I’m being led back into the waiting room. Katia and Nadia are waiting alertly for us by the main door. In a daze, I follow Olivia to the car, and as soon as the door closes behind us, my hand moves to my stomach.
I press my hand against my stomach protectively.
“It’ll be okay,” Olivia says, without looking at me.
I look up from my stomach. “We have time before we go back, right?”
Olivia nods. “What do you need?”
“Can we drive past my parents’ house? And the diner?”
Olivia offers me a half smile. “That can be arranged.”
I lean back against the leather seats and close my eyes.
I’m vaguely aware of hissing and whispering, and Katia’s voice, but I do my best to push it away.
Olivia taps me on the shoulder sometime later, and I look out the window.
The two-story Victorian seems the same, except for my mom’s red Prius parked in the driveway.
Olivia places a hand on my shoulder, and I realize I’m touching the window.
I sit there, drinking it all in and imagining myself walking out the front door, my parents arm in arm ahead, and a toddler hurrying after me.
When I press my face to the glass and blink, it’s not my parents I see, but Mason and me, with a little curly-haired boy between us.
When are you going to understand that you’re never going to have that? You gave up any semblance of normalcy the minute you decided to stay. Deciding to have the baby isn’t going to change that, and you know it.
The front door opens, and when my mother appears in the doorway, in her usual flowing skirt and blouse, my chest aches. She rummages through her purse to pull out the keys, and I’m overcome with the urge to jump out of the car and throw myself into her arms.
I want to hug my mom so badly that I start shaking.
Then the car starts moving, and I watch my mom until we round the corner, and she disappears. A heavy pit settles inside of me as we pull up to the diner a few blocks away. I gasp when I see a few cars parked outside the diner.
I can’t believe there are people inside.
Tears fill my eyes again as I deflate against the seat and chew on my lower lip.
All too soon, we’re pulling away again, and I’m leaving the diner behind.
The farther away we move, the worse I feel, until the sense of foreboding I’ve been trying to escape all day settles around me.
Too soon, the wrought-iron gates to the manor open, and I claw at my chest.
Olivia takes one hand while Katia takes the other, but I struggle against them.
The back door opens, and Mason is waiting for me outside.
I wrench free of their grasp and throw myself into his arms. He sweeps me into his embrace, and I place my head on his chest, over the steady beating of his heart.
He carries me up the stairs and to his room.
Mason sets me gently on the bed and hovers over me. He places a kiss on my forehead, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Wordlessly, he gets onto the bed with me and tucks me into his side. I throw my leg over him, close my eyes, and calm my erratic breathing.
I don’t know why I can’t breathe, or why it suddenly feels so real.
The violence and chaos of Mason’s world, the baby…
It’s all too much.
I don’t realize I’m shaking until Mason gets up to retrieve the blanket folded near the edge of the bed.
Hastily, he unfolds it and pulls it over us, pausing to tuck the covers in.
Then he lies down and pulls me against him.
I’m still shivering when he strokes my hair and kisses the side of my face.
When the shaking stops, Mason slowly extracts himself from me and stands up.
Through half-closed eyes, I watch him cross over to the door and say something.
Then he steps out and leaves the door slightly ajar.
Through the crack, I see Carlisle, his expression tight and cold.
Then I spot Katia, but her expression reveals nothing.
Slowly, I sit up and draw my knees to my chest.
I lower my voice. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I know this isn’t how either of us wanted this, but we’ll figure it out.”
I smile softly as I curl onto my side, fingers still caressing the sensitive skin.
What’s your plan? Hide in this room until you give birth? Even if Mason’s enemies don’t find out you’re pregnant, what will you do about Mason? What about appointments and vitamins? What about avoiding stress?
With a frown, I realize how much I still have to consider, and how much I need to prepare.
The longer I lay there, listening to Mason’s hushed voice, the more determined I become.
I know I’ve made the right decision.
When I feel a little steadier, I stand and wander over to the desk in the corner. I keep one eye on the door while I wait for the laptop to start. I drum my fingers against the desk when the screen lights up, and I log in. I open a browser and skim through a few things.
I nearly jump out of my skin when the door shuts.
Mason strides over to me, and I close the browser window and turn to him with a smile. “I’m fine. I’m sorry I scared you.”
Mason stops in front of me, and there’s a furrow between his brows. “Are you sure?”
I slide off the chair and wrap my arms around him. “Doctor Shepard didn’t do anything. It’s just the side effects and low blood sugar. I’m fine.”
Mason presses his forehead to mine. “I don’t have anything to do for the rest of the day. I’m staying right here.”
I draw back to look at him and frown. “We both know that’s not true. I’m fine, Mason. I know you have things to do.”
Despite his protests, I force Mason to leave, needing to be alone with my thoughts.
But as soon as he’s gone, and the weight of what I’ve done settles around me, I feel sick all over again.
What have I done?