Chapter 32 – Dean
I sat inside my car in my driveway with my head tilted back, feeling like the world’s biggest moron. There wasn’t really a great way of handling the mess I’d made, but paying everyone in sight and then leaving without saying a word wasn’t exactly award-winning behavior. I threw money at Rob for his ruined parrot shirt and stupid cargo shorts. I gave the waitress enough to cover the mess I’d made and more for her trouble. And then I just turned down the aisle, handing a twenty to the busboy holding a mop on my way out.
I’d driven home, and here I sat still, debating whether to go back, knowing I wouldn’t. It was too late for that. I’d gone toe-to-toe with a scrawny comedian, and lost. I’d lost so hard. But worse than that, I’d left Grace after promising myself I’d never do that. They were eating lunch without me. Probably finished by now. Which was for the best.
I pressed my palms against my eyes. This was worse than the time I accidentally texted a client instead of my mom and told her I loved her and I’d be over soon. Her husband hadn’t liked that so much. We all had a good laugh after the death threats .
I heard a car pull up to the curb behind me and shut off. It sounded like Grace’s car. A car door opened and closed. Footsteps.
“Dean.”
I heard her voice through the passenger window before she lightly knocked on it. “Let me in.”
I hit the unlock button, and Grace opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.
“Where’s Piper?” I asked.
“Rob took her to his mom’s house for a bit.”
“Oh.” I stared out the windshield at my garage door and sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that. I just felt like I was making things worse by being there. Even before spilling everything in sight.”
“You didn’t make anything worse. You fit right in.”
“What? By screwing up and then walking away?” It was a terrible joke aimed at Rob, and I immediately wanted to take it back.
Grace reached over and punched my arm. “I hate to tell you this, but Rob’s gonna be around. He’s part of the wonderful Grace-and-Piper package.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t purposely spill Coke all over him, but I have to admit, I’m not one-hundred percent certain it was accidental either. I think my subconscious wanted to strangle him and it sort of... tipped my hand. I promise I’ll learn to like him.”
“Look at me, Dean.”
I turned and met her gaze, trying to see how much trouble I was in.
She didn’t look mad. She looked contemplative, and maybe a little uncertain. “Do you want to hear something true?”
I nodded.
Grace reached over and took my hand in both of hers, running her thumbs over the ridges in my palm. “I’ve talked to Isaac about you. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to be perfect and loyal and true. Dean, you don’t have to be perfect. I’m sold. I’m so in love with you it has me tied in knots. But not the good kind. I’m not afraid of you leaving. I’m afraid of making you wish you could.”
“You love me?” I scrambled over the console, making Grace’s blue eyes go wide.
She pressed her back against the passenger window with her palms on my chest. “Dean, I’m trying to be serious here.”
“I hope so.” I leaned in and grazed her bottom lip with my mouth once, then twice, teasing and testing, and to my delight her resistance melted with a frustrated groan. Her hands on my chest fisted handfuls of my coaching shirt, and she made sure my next kiss came to land. Everything we’d been holding back from each other collided at once, and it didn’t matter that I was twisted in half like a pretzel in order to reach her. It was just her lips and mine getting reacquainted in the best way. She slid her hands up to the back of my neck and sighed, playing with the ends of my hair.
“Dean.” She pressed a kiss to the edge of my mouth, the spot under my lower lip, the line of my jaw, my neck. “This is a terrible place for a make out. And we still need to talk.”
“Okay.” I lowered my head until she was claiming my mouth again. But her words from earlier danced along the edges of my consciousness, and after a minute I pressed one last kiss to her lips before pulling away. I did want to know what she’d meant.
I retreated to my seat and got out, jogging around to her side and opening the passenger door like we’d arrived this way after a date, instead of her tracking me down after my walk of shame out of Chili’s.
“Thank you, good sir.” She got out, and I escorted her into my house with my hand to her lower back, closing the front door behind us.
“How bad was it?” I asked. “After I left?”
She headed into the kitchen and washed her hands. “They moved us to a new table. Rob did apologize to me, although I don’t know how much he meant it. You made his year. ”
“Was Piper okay?”
“She was giggling right along with Rob. Plus, I always keep an extra set of clothes for her in my car. I helped her change before our food came.”
I moved to the sink and washed my hands as well, with one arm bracketing each side of her and my chin resting on her shoulder.
“You are incorrigible,” she muttered, though her head tilted until it was touching mine. She turned off the water and dried both our hands with a towel.
I brushed back her hair and kissed the spot between her shoulder and her neck, right above the collar of her shirt. “Tell me about this fear of yours. Not that I’ll leave, but I’ll want to.”
Her body stiffened and she was quiet, but I waited her out. “What I mean is, you’re not Rob, but I’m still me. Falling in love is the fun part, but I can’t guarantee every day with me will be fun.”
I took her by the waist and slowly slid her around to face me, keeping my hands on her hips. I needed to have her looking at me when we talked. “Rob said you’re the reason he started drinking and the reason he stopped. And while it’s a thoughtless joke, like all of his are, it’s really a jab at your character, isn’t it? That being with you was soul-sucking after a while, but you kept him in line.”
Grace’s chin bobbed just a fraction, acknowledging what I’d guessed at.
“We’re wired to believe the things we’re told, Grace. Which is why I’ll never stop telling you how amazing you are. You’re edging out Isaac for that best friend spot, and I think you’re just about the greatest mom ever. You’re raising an incredible human, and you’re letting Rob help. He’s wrong. He’s so wrong about you. Do you know that? Do you see it?”
She blinked up at me, her body trembling a little while she tried to hold it together. Grace hated crying, and she was on the edge of it. “I see it. I see both. ”
Both narratives were at war with each other. It would take time for her to trust that my love for her was truer than anything Rob had ever said to her. We weren’t rewriting history; we were rewriting the future she saw for herself.
“I love you,” I whispered in her ear. “I need you in my life.” I kissed the edge of her earlobe.
“What if I end up needing you more?”
“Then I’ll feel needed. I would love nothing more than for you to rely on me, to love me without fear. It would be the greatest treasure you could ever give me.”
She nodded. “Okay, I’ll work on that.”
“Good.” I hugged her to me and breathed in the scent of her hair. “What does the rest of your day look like?”
“Um, I need to check on the shop and help close up before Rob brings Piper back to me. What about you?”
“I have a little work to get done. Can I come over later?”
She nodded.
And then I kissed her like I might never see her again. And she kissed me the same way.