Chapter 20 The McCormicks #2
Jamie put his hands up in defense to whatever he saw in my expression.
“Just hear me out, okay?” He waited, and my mom gave him a jerky nod, her body language remaining stiff and awkward.
“Okay. So, when I was hanging out at Gamma, I found a composite with Dad’s picture. Did you know he was in a fraternity?”
Mom nodded, her lips parting as if she’d seen a ghost.
“Well, I used their alum network and found him. He’s lived an hour and a half away in Columbia this whole time. They even got me his phone number.”
Mom cleared her throat, then picked up her wine glass with a shaky hand and downed the contents in one swig. Sarah silently got up and refilled Mom’s glass to the brim.
“I want to call him.” Jamie’s face fell.
I was struck by fear of the kind of damage that asshole could do to my little brother. The guy had left and never looked back. I could only imagine what he would say to Jamie if he did call. How do you explain abandoning your children?
Taking a sip this time, Mom set the glass down and said, “Okay.” Her voice was hollow, lacking all its natural warmth. Tension settled between the two, notching up with every minute Mom remained silent.
Jamie shrank back in his chair, his own eyes glossy as he chewed on his thumbnail.
I shifted in my seat, wildly uncomfortable with my brother being so upset, but unable to find it in me to soothe him.
Seeing Jamie so distraught snapped Mom out of her trance. “Oh, baby. If that’s what you want to do, I understand.” She grabbed his hand and pulled her chair closer to him, linking the three of us together.
“Thanks, Mom.” Jamie’s voice broke, and Mom dropped my hand. Jumping up, she hugged him to her stomach as he cried.
My eyes burned, and the lump in my throat grew.
Just as it became too hard to breathe, the smell of flowers enveloped me as Sarah wrapped her arms around me.
Resting her chin on my shoulder, she placed a small kiss on my ear, and the pain eased.
I let out a shaky breath and held on to her hands across my chest for dear life.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”
Tears streamed down Mom’s face as she ran her fingers through Jamie’s hair, whispering, “If he doesn’t, it’s his loss.”
The scene unfolded, and I was just a spectator to my own family’s drama. Guilt and jealousy swirled inside me as I ached to be included. I swallowed thickly, unable to look away as Mom stroked Jamie’s hair, holding him like he was the most important person in the world.
As if sensing my pain, Sarah started to rub soothing circles over my heart with her palm.
When’s the last time someone held me like this?
My vision blurred, and I tightened my grip on her wrist as a silent gesture of gratitude for the support she so naturally provided.
Jamie looked up at Mom and wiped his eyes with his palms. “Did he ever want to see us?”
Mom blew out a breath and shook her head. The sorrow etched into her face tore at me. She’d been through so much because of that cheating asshole.
Jamie pulled away from her and stood up. Nodding, he stormed out of the dining room.
Sarah gave me one last squeeze and let go. Losing her warmth hurt, but it was time for me to play my role.
Slowly, I stood and pulled Mom to my chest, letting her finally cry. As she shook with sobs, I couldn’t shake the déjà vu. This wasn’t the first time I had supported her through a tough time.
When she finally settled down, she asked, “Would you mind checking on Jamie?”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from letting her see how much her words hurt. She never asked if I was okay. It was always about my little brother.
“Sure.” I looked at Sarah, who stood awkwardly to the side of the room.
So much for our family making a good impression.
“Will you be okay?”
Sarah frowned but nodded and asked if my mom wanted help clearing the table.
I left the two of them cleaning up in silence and went to Jamie’s room, where I found him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
“You okay?”
He nodded, his eyes locked on a faded band poster.
“You want to talk?”
He shook his head.
I sighed and walked over to his desk. While Mom redecorated and turned my bedroom into a guest room the weekend after I graduated high school, Jamie’s room was still a shrine to his high school career.
“You don’t have to check on me. I’m a grown man.”
Letting out a humorless laugh, I sat in his squeaky desk chair. “Tell Mom that.”
“I fucked up.” He rolled his head to the side and looked at me with watery eyes. “I never should’ve found him.”
“Eh.”
“I hurt Mom by bringing it up.” When I didn’t say anything, Jamie asked. “Aren’t you mad?”
His question surprised me. “I don’t know. It makes sense that you want to know more.”
Jamie leaned up on his elbows. “Ever since I saw him in that composite, I’ve wondered what his family’s like. Aren’t you pissed he started a whole new life without us?”
I took a deep breath and looked down at my calloused hands.They were covered in scars from working manual labor since I was fourteen, because a certain asshole left us to go back to his real family. A family Mom had no idea existed because he’d used medical school as a cover to live a double life.
Mom had struggled to make ends meet, working as a waitress at Poppy’s and a cashier at Kum & Go. As soon as my uncle let me, I was on a construction site earning enough to help my mom get her nursing degree, and then her master’s.
“I used to be, but now?” I leaned back in the chair, crossing my arms. “Things happened the way they were supposed to. We got Mom through school, and now we get our turn. Added bonus, we don’t owe that fucker a damn thing.”
Jamie’s face softened. “You’re right.”
“I’m not saying you can’t be mad. I’m just saying I’m not. I’ve already mourned having a father. There’s nothing the bastard can do to change that.”
“But what about him marrying that woman? He didn’t marry Mom. He’s not even on our birth certificates.”
“I’m going to be completely honest with you. You don’t remember what this house was like when he was here. He wasn’t around much, but when he was, he wasn’t the nicest. When he finally left, Mom became a different person. She was happier, even if she was stressed about money and everything else.”
Jamie nodded sadly, pulling himself up to sit. “It’s not fair, you know?”
I stayed quiet.
Standing, he started to pace the room. “It’s not that I haven’t had a good life, but think about how much easier things would’ve been for you and Mom? Hell, you’re a twenty-three-year-old freshman.”
His words were like a punch to the gut. All facts, all fucked up.
He slowed his steps and stopped in front of me. Biting his thumbnail, he shook his head. “I’m sorry your future was placed on the back burner. That wasn’t fair, and I hate that it happened. You deserved better.”
I stood up and pulled him to me. We were about the same height and weight, but in that moment, he was the same little kid that used to run to me because he was scared of the dark.
“Hey.”
He sobbed into my neck, soaking my shirt, his body shaking against me.
“I told you, I don’t regret a thing.”
A muffled “really” was all I could make out in between the gasping and hiccups.
“Really. Obviously, I would’ve loved to have had a ‘normal’ childhood, but I figure I wouldn’t be where I am, who I am without my past. Our past. And I like who I am. I like who you are.”
That set off a fresh wave of crying, and I hugged Jamie fiercely because we both needed it. I was his friend, his brother, but it couldn’t be ignored that I was also a father figure for him, as fucked up as that was.
As he settled down, I loosened my grip. He wiped his eyes roughly, still sniffling a little, and we kind of just stood there, staring in opposite directions.
“Looks like Mom’s been slacking in here.”
Jamie‘s eyes followed me as I walked over to his trophy shelf.
“Your crown’s a little dusty.” I picked it up, brushing off the imaginary dirt. Glancing over my shoulder, I held it up. “You think it still fits?”
Tossing it at him, he smiled and caught it.
“Hot hands, Mr. Twenty-Three.”
“Shut up.” He laughed, not a full Jamie laugh, but it was better than tears. Placing the purple velvet crown on his head, he posed. “Do I still got it?”
“Real question is, did you ever have it?”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes, but he looked infinitely better than when I walked into the room.
“We should get back out there before Mom starts planning your wedding. You know she’s probably half in love with her already.” Jamie left the room, and I followed him down the hall.
Jamie suddenly stopped in the archway to the dining room, throwing his arm out to stop me. “Uh oh.”
Sitting next to each other, pouring over a photo album with two very full glasses of wine were Mom and Sarah. Sarah was laughing so hard she was crying as Mom enthusiastically flipped the pages. The sight of them bonding made my chest ache in the best possible way.
I fucking love this girl.
Thinking for a second about what could be so funny, I looked at Jamie, and both our eyes widened.
“Braces,” we said in unison.
Mom glanced up at us, taking a smug sip of wine.
“That is some serious headgear.” Sarah wiped her eyes and finally looked away from the pictures, her laughter kicking up a notch. “Why are you wearing a crown?”
“I’m a king, baby. You want to be my queen?”
“Jamie McCormick. That’s your brother’s girlfriend. Watch yourself.” Mom’s tone was biting, but her grin gave her away. “Now come over here and look at how cute you were in middle school.”
Mom brought out three different photo albums, and we looked at every picture, telling Sarah all about our childhood misadventures.
I closely watched Jamie as his spirits improved with every new story of us being dipshit kids, and Mom relaxed as we laughed and carried on.
By the end of the night, in true McCormick fashion, all the wine was gone, and our bellies were sore from laughing.
“Your butt better be in that seat next Sunday.” Mom demanded as she hugged Sarah.
“Ug, I wish, but I can’t do Sundays. Until the end of summer, I have meetings with the university about rush. And then when the semester starts, I have exec board and chapter meetings. I would love to come another time.” Sarah sounded legitimately disappointed, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll get your number from Connor, and we’ll figure it out.”
“Perfect.”
Mom hugged Jamie, whispering something to him, and he nodded with a small, sad smile. Then it was my turn.
“That girl is special.” She whispered in my ear as we hugged.
“I know.”
“And she loves you.”
My heart stuttered, and it was hard to keep my voice quiet. “What?”
She pulled back and gave me a soft smile. “Why else would she stick around after that train wreck of a dinner?”
I tilted my head, keeping my face blank. “Leftovers?”
Mom threw her head back, letting out a loud laugh as she slapped my chest. “Don’t get smart with me.” She leaned forward and said, “And don’t get in your own way.”
As we walked down the driveway to our cars, Uncle Rick’s big ass truck pulled up. He hopped out, a giant smile on his face. “Great news. They arrested the Kirkville Killer.”
“And?” I stopped next to Sarah’s car. “Who is it?”
Uncle Rick took off his ball cap, bending the bill in his hands. “Until they finish their investigation, they won’t be going public with a name.”
“But—”
“Not now, Con,” he said, walking past us to the house.
“Well, that’s good news,” Jamie said, completely ignoring the fact that Uncle Rick was keeping yet another secret.
“I guess.”