Chapter 21 Slutty Dead Presidents
TWENTY-ONE
SLUTTY DEAD PRESIDENTS
SARAH
“You really came through. It’s hard finding group costumes for seven people that aren’t of the ‘Hi Ho’ or kidnapping into the mountains variety.” Kat said, admiring the fake wounds on her face.
“What’s more American than the Founding Fathers and dead presidents?” Mona shrugged. She’d taken point on our makeup since Britta was still out of town and knocked it out of the park.
Rae plopped down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. “You guys look gruesome.”
Olivia held out a handful of fake blood. “You sure you don’t want to come with us? You could be John Hancock. I’ve got a giant feather pen upstairs.”
“It’s gonna be fun,” Mona sang, struggling with her softball pants turned breeches.
Rae shook her head. “I’m fine here. The idea of being around a bunch of strangers and explosives doesn’t sound too appealing, especially after all this Kirksville Killer business.”
“The cops have him in custody,” Olivia said.
Rae waved her hand. “Until they make a public statement naming names, I’m going to play it safe.”
“Fair. You can’t trust these cops to do their job,” Kat said, tying a brass ring to a string. “My dad and stepmonster are always fucking shit up.”
“So you’re not going?” Rae asked, eyeing Kat’s costume.
Kat finished her beer, then said, “Oh no, I’m going. It’s going to take more than my healthy suspicion of law enforcement to keep me from a good party.”
Rae laughed, shaking her head. “Okay, then.”
“Well, call us if you change your mind. Jamie’s driving Kat’s van, and he can always come back and get you,” Mona offered.
Checking my phone, I saw that Jamie had texted, saying he was already at the Gamma house under Frattic. “Speak of the devil. Our driver’s here.”
I grabbed my overnight bag and led the girls out of Frattic. The humid summer air hit us like a wall, making sweat bead up under my makeup. I was the lucky one. I didn’t have white spray in my hair to mimic a powdered wig, and I’d paired my oversized suit coat with a summer dress.
“Wow. You guys look great!”
I adjusted the top hat of my Baberham Lincoln costume. “Thanks.”
Kat shoved her kite in the passenger seat, then turned to Jamie, holding out the keys to her van. “You’d better not hurt my baby.”
“I would never,” he said, carefully plucking the keys from her hand. “You can trust me.”
Kat’s eyes narrowed behind her round, old-timey glasses. “I seem to remember you wrapping Connor’s car around a tree trunk just a week ago.”
“Ouch.” Jamie held the keys over his heart. “You know how to hurt a guy.”
Kat snorted, a small smile playing at her lips. “I’ll kill you if you get even a scratch on the Grand Caravan.”
“Understood.”
We all piled in, careful not to smear fake blood everywhere.
Jamie fired up the engine and looked back at us. “Buckle up, ladies. Next stop, a real Kirksville party.” He gave us a mischievous smile that I wasn’t too fond of, but between the alcohol from pre-gaming and the nerves that begged for more, I didn’t think too much about it.
We chatted and laughed during the short trip to the outskirts of town.
A gigantic bonfire in the middle of a field came into view as we drove down a gravel road.
The silhouettes of people standing around increased my anxiety—there were way more people than Connor had led me to believe there would be.
“Wow,” Olivia muttered.
“Yeah.”
Jamie parked, and we all got out and made our way toward the big-ass fire. The closer we got, the clearer the outline of a barn and house became.
“Should we walk up limping? Go full zombie?” Mona demonstrated her best undead stumble.
“Let’s do it.” I bit back a laugh and shambled past a bunch of pitched tents toward a group of people standing on the outer ring of the party. Mona and Olivia limped along, while Kat stomped across the field as if she weren’t dressed as the decomposing corpse of Benjamin Franklin.
“Holy shit!” A deep voice boomed, and a shriek filled the air. Pride that our zombie walk scared someone made me break character and laugh, Olivia and Mona not far behind me.
“Who are you?” a beautiful, tall, blond girl asked, looking at us with a curious smile.
It was at that moment that I realized none of the people in front of us were wearing costumes.
No, they were dressed for a bonfire, complete with fashionable jeans and cute boots.
I peeked around them and saw only a handful of people in costumes.
Of course.
Olivia looked at me, but when it became apparent I wasn’t going to say anything, she said, “I’m Olivia, and this is Sarah, Mona, and Kat.
We’re friends with Connor.” She stuck her bloody hand out, but at the last minute thought better of it and wiggled her fingers in front of her. “Sorry. Zombie hands.”
The group chuckled—well, except the blond.
She was too busy inspecting me. Her gaze wasn’t unfriendly, but it sure as hell wasn’t warm and fuzzy.
“Connor should be right back. He’s grabbing me another beer.
” She crossed her arms and scanned the field.
“There he is.” With that, the blond, who had still not introduced herself, turned to the girl next to her and started to speak in hushed tones.
Rude.
Dismissed by her, I looked to where Connor was walking toward us, and my jaw dropped. Wearing skintight spandex leggings, a curly blonde wig, and insanely tall red heels was Connor.
“Oh. My. God. You’re Bad Sandy!” I ran up to him, and he dropped the red solo cups in his hands and caught me, spinning us around in a hug. Burying my nose in his neck, I was overwhelmed by the smell of fire, beer, and a hint of something sweet.
He put me down, holding me at arm’s length. “And you’re the prettiest zombie Abraham Lincoln I’ve ever seen.” He leaned down and pecked my lips, then pulled me to his side and led me back to the circle of people talking. Olivia and Mona grinned at us. They were team Connor all the way.
“Everybody, this striking dead president is Sarah. Sarah, you’ve met Grant and Tom—”
“Oh, you’re Danny Zuko!” I yelled, looking between the two guys.
“Guilty!” He dipped his chin in false modesty.
“And that’s Kimmy, Laura, and Linc.”
“Hey.”
“They scared the shit out of us, Con. For a second, I really thought we were about to have our brains eaten,” Tom said with a laugh.
“You had a good chance of getting away. We’re clearly slow zombies. Now, our friend Rae would give you a run for your money.” Olivia inched closer to Tom.
He eyed her with appreciation before tossing an arm around her shoulders. “Better keep you close since you’re an expert.”
“Do you want a drink?” Connor drew my attention away from Olivia and her inappropriate—because she kind of had a boyfriend—flirting. Michael was an asshole, but he existed nonetheless.
“Yes, please!”
“And you can get me a replacement for the one you dropped,” Laura interjected from across the circle.
Connor rolled his eyes, but smiled the whole time. Super drunk Connor was a ray of sunshine. “You got it. Anything else, princess?”
He was obviously talking to her and not me, which made me feel a little weird, but I was new to the group, so that was to be expected. I was just glad my friends were there.
“Make it quick.” She winked at him, and Kimmy laughed while the guys looked uneasy.
Connor kissed my cheek, then whispered, “I’ll be right back” in my ear and toddled off in his spiked heels toward the other side of the fire. The way his ass swayed walking in those heels made me sad that all men didn’t wear them.
Laura’s cheery voice pulled me out of my contemplation of Connor’s exquisite assets. “So how did you meet Connor?”
“We met at the Epsilon Chi Barn.”
“Connor was at a frat party?” Her eyes widened in disbelief.
“Yeah, it was a disaster. When I went inside to tell my roommates I was leaving with him, he disappeared.”
“He didn’t bail, did he?” Tom asked with a laugh.
“I thought he had. Man, I was so pissed!” Everyone chuckled. “Imagine my surprise when I show up for my first shift at the Wel, and there he is. God, I was such a bitch.”
“How do you go from thinking he bailed on you?” Linc glanced at Laura, his smile dimming a bit. “To showing up here?”
I pursed my lips, wondering what Laura’s deal was. “Well, I started tutoring Jamie, and after a few run-ins, I finally let Connor explain what happened.” Looking around the circle, I was relieved that everyone was still listening since I was a terrible storyteller.
“Apparently, Jamie had too much to drink, so the Epsilon Chi brothers asked Connor to take him home, but before Connor could explain he was waiting for me, Jamie ran away, and Connor had to chase him all the way to his apartment.”
Everyone burst out laughing—except for Laura. “That’s the McCormick boys for you. Jamie screws up, and Connor runs to the rescue. Literally.”
Kimmy giggled with her friend, while everyone else took nervous drinks.
“Jamie’s a good friend of mine,” I said, feeling the urge to stick up for the goof.
“Me too.” Kat was glaring at the beautiful duo, but they didn’t notice, or they didn’t care.
“Jamie’s a blast, but, seriously, he got asked to leave a frat party?”
Tom, clearly having heard enough from Laura, turned to me and asked, “So, then what happened?”
Shaking off my annoyance at Laura, I focused on Tom. “We started hanging out and now here I am, channeling my fiercest undead president.”
“I’m glad you guys made it. The more, the merrier for sure. And this party could always use a few more fun people. Who doesn’t wear a costume to a theme party?” he sneered at his friends.
“Adults, Tom. Adults.” Kimmy said, eyeing the five of us in costume with disdain.
“More like you’re boring, Kimmy.” A mocking smile replaced Tom’s genuine expression.
“Fuck you. Some of us had to grow up.”
“If growing up means having a stick shoved up my ass, I’ll pass.”
“I don’t remember you hating a little ass—”