Chapter 20
Wesley
I just kissed my best friend and I’m sweating bullets over it.
I take another deep breath and silently pray she doesn’t laugh in my face or friend zone me. The connection we share is undeniable; she has to feel it too.
I take in one last deep breath before I get back in the truck. I could throw up, I’m so nervous.
I look over at her after adjusting the heat and vents and she’s already staring at me.
“Wesley.”
It feels like there’s a cement block sitting in my chest. My body is almost shaking as my heart beats faster. I have held onto what I want to say to her for so long that it doesn’t even feel right to admit it now.
“How don’t you feel this?” I ask.
“I—”
“Years, Addie. I have loved you since we were kids. I wouldn’t know what love was if it wasn’t for you.” I shake my head.
The heavy words are slipping off my tongue so easily, yet I’m terrified of what she’ll say.
“Really?” her voice is soft. She wipes her eyes.
“Friends don’t do what we do. They don’t feel the way I do about you, and I’ve pushed it down for so long. It has been so hard.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because you were with him. The last thing I’d do is try and take someone else’s girl. I may not have thought too highly of him, but I have respect.”
She wipes her eyes again. “I had no clue. Anytime anyone ever gave us a hard time about it, you shut it down faster than I could. I never thought—”
“Yeah, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or make it weird.”
“I get that.” She looks down at her hands. “I guess…I’ve felt it too, but I’ve been in a relationship the last two years, so it wasn’t really on my radar.”
“Yeah, no crap,” I mutter.
“I’m sorry.” She lets out a small laugh.
The pressure in my chest releases slowly, allowing me to breathe a little better. “I don’t know what happens now or where we take it from here. We certainly don’t have to figure it out right now or anything. I mean, you did just get out of a relationship a few hours ago, so…”
“Right,” she utters and the cab falls silent.
“I’m pretty tired.” I point to windshield. “This isn’t letting up anytime soon, so I guess we’ll just…sleep on it?” I hold my breath again.
Addie chuckles. “Yeah…definitely.”
She pulls a blanket out from her bag and scrunches it up to use as a pillow against the window. I smile but she doesn’t see it. Joke’s on me for giving her crap about overpacking.
I turn the truck off to save on gas for now. I guess I’ll just wake up every so often and crank it to keep it from getting too cold.
About forty-five minutes go by before I’m woken by Addison adjusting her position. She opens the blanket over her and lays down on the seat, the top of her head almost touching my leg. She pulls her knees up to her chest.
“You cold?” I ask. The air that surrounds us is certainly crisp.
“I’m freezing,” she says, shivering, her teeth almost chattering.
“Well, gee, Addison, why don’t you say something?” I stifle a laugh, turning my truck on. I adjust the vents to point towards her.
She sits up and grumbles. “I can’t sleep like this, Wes. My legs hurt and my neck is already stiff,” she complains.
“Well, you can move down,” I say. “Here, come here.” I pat my leg and put my arm out, inviting her to use me as a pillow. She scoots over with very little hesitance.
“I’m not gonna bite,” I tease, just before her head presses on my thigh. My heart starts beating a little faster. This is very new territory.
* * *
When I wake up, I’m met with dark brown hair sticking to my scruffy beard. Addison is in front of me, her back against my chest, both of us lying on the bench seat of my truck. My body is curled around hers, my leg over her and the blankets over both of us.
Somehow, we fit perfectly together in the small amount of space. Even though it’s freezing, I slept like a baby.
The windshield and windows are covered in snow.
It’s starting to get brighter as the sun rises.
When I sit up a little to find my phone, Addison stirs, and I’m suddenly very aware that my one arm is under her head and the other is resting casually over her waist. My eyes draw to her lips immediately, and the memory of them on mine ignites a spark in my stomach.
I slowly move, but her eyes flick open and she sits up, her brown hair falling back into place.
“What time is it?” She rubs her eyes and yawns as she scoots into the passenger seat.
“Six,” I read off my phone.
“What are you smiling at?” she asks.
I didn’t realize I was smiling. “Nothing. You? I don’t know.” I laugh.
“Yeah? Why? ’Cause you got to sleep with me after all these years of apparently being in love with me…?” she jokes.
“Very funny.”
Ten minutes later, we’re on the road again. The roads are much better than they were last night, cleared and salted. The GPS says we’ll be home in just under two hours.
“I need something to eat and I have to pee,” Addison informs me.
“Already figured. There’s a gas station up here a few miles.”
“Good. They better have bagels and coffee.”
“I’m sure they have coffee. I could go for a bacon, egg, and cheese.”
“Mmm, me too.” She hums like she hasn’t eaten in three days.
* * *
Addison goes in to get her stuff while I fill up with gas. She comes out before I’m done, her hands full, coffees in each hand and a bag over her arm.
“I got it all,” she says.
“For me too?”
“Yeah, just go pee,” she suggests.
“Oh okay, cool.”
When I get back out to my truck, she’s got it all set out for me. A black coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. She’s already eating hers.
I reach for my wallet. “How much?”
“No, nothing.” She shoos my hand away.
“You’re not paying for my breakfast.” I thumb through my cash.
“You paid for everything yesterday,” she argues.
“I don’t care.”
I come across the thirty-five cents she gave me back yesterday, a funnier idea coming to mind.
“Here’s your quarter to call someone who cares.” I hand over the quarter and dime along with a ten-dollar bill.
“Very funny.” She smiles back at me.
We get back on the road, the conversation and kiss coming to mind again. We haven’t talked about it since then, and the space between us feels sorta awkward to me. I want to talk about it, I’m just not sure exactly what I want to say. I already said everything last night.
“So—”
“Wesley, I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now,” she says, like she read my mind.
“Okay.” A pit forms in my stomach. That’s not very reassuring, but I get it. It’s a lot to take in.
“I’m not saying I don’t have feelings for you, I just…this is a lot. I feel like I need to go through all the breakup emotions first before I jump into something else. Does that make sense?”
“Course. I didn’t want to even tell you yet—I would’ve given you time—but then we sorta got into it, and—”
“And you just couldn’t resist.” She smirks, dramatically tossing some of her hair back behind her shoulder.
“I guess I couldn’t.” I laugh, heat rising in my cheeks.
“I just…I needed you to know. Before you let a guy like that completely break your heart, I’ve been right here this entire time.
And I will continue to hope and pray that you’ll give me the chance to show you what love’s actually supposed to be like.
” I pause. “Because that guy, Addie…that guy doesn’t know you like I do.
He doesn’t know how to love you like I think I do. ”
She untucks her lips and smiles, looking down at her hands. I want to reach for her, touch her back or hold her hand, but I don’t want to overwhelm her. So I don’t.
* * *
Once we get back to her house, I help her with her bags. I don’t go inside or anything. The lights are on in the house, and her Mom waves from the window.
“Thanks for coming along. I hope it wasn’t the worst trip you’ve ever been on.”
She laughs. “No, it was fun.”
Her gaze lingers for a second longer than I anticipated. Like she wants to say something, or maybe she’s waiting for me to say something.
“Text me later?” she asks.
“Mm-hmm,” I hum.
She flashes one more smile at me before she heads up into the house. I get back in my truck, a whiff of her lingering scent bringing me comfort. It’s weird she’s not in here. That trip felt like it lasted an entire lifetime. In the best possible way.