Chapter 23
Addison
Wesley clears his throat. “Alright. So, I thought we could read through Mark. Unless there’s something specific you’re thinking about?”
“Not tonight there’s not.”
We’re in his truck, parked in the middle of nowhere, doing a Bible study since there’s no small group on New Year’s Eve.
Neither one of us wanted to get together with friends, we just wanted to be with each other.
It’s been a little challenging to do so.
We haven’t told our families that we’re sorta testing the waters together.
I think, until we decide to for sure go for it, we’re just keeping it a secret.
Wesley turns on the overhead light and thumbs through his Bible. “Okay, so…” He clears his throat when he finds the passage. “Jesus healed many of them. They had all kinds of sicknesses.”
I’m trying to pay attention, but I have this desire to be closer to him. I scoot over and he reaches his arm around me but keeps reading. I scoot even closer, nuzzling my head against his shoulder.
“What’re you doing?” he asks.
“I want to be with you.”
His fingers trace my shoulder. “I’m right here.” He kisses the side of my head before continuing.
By the time we’re done, I’m itching to kiss him.
He sets his Bible up on the dashboard and grabs his water bottle, staring at me from the corner of his eye while he drinks.
Clearing his throat again, he screws the cap back on. “You have a very mysterious look in your eye, my dear.”
His playfulness gives me the reaction I was hoping for. I climb up onto his lap and drop my knees on the seat, straddling him.
His cheeks are getting redder. “Addison,” he says. “What are you doing?” He swallows hard.
“I’ve thought about it.”
“It?”
“Us.”
“And?”
“I don’t want to start the new year single.” I shrug my shoulders, watching Wesley’s smile grow like I just made his entire year already.
His hands grip my waist and he leans in to kiss me.
I can feel his heart beating faster as the kiss deepens. His hands are still resting in the same spot. I run my fingers up through the back of his hair, trying to influence him to move his hands, touch more of me, but he doesn’t budge.
“Wesley,” I mumble against his lips.
“Hmm?” he hums.
I pull back to see his eyes.
“Touch me,” I tell him.
His eyes grow slightly. “I am.”
I prop my hands on my hips. “You can move your hands, you know?”
“Sorry.” He laughs, his gaze faltering.
“Do I make you nervous?” I wonder. Not even thinking about it until now.
He lets out a breathy laugh and looks back at me. “You never used to…but sitting in my lap like this? Yeah, that’ll do it.”
I turn the overhead light off and press my lips to his again. “Don’t be nervous around me,” I murmur.
“Okay,” he whispers back.
His hands still don’t move. I reach for them and move them myself. Down to just below the waistline of my jeans. I’m expecting him to pull me closer to him, but he doesn’t. If anything, his grip loosens.
“Wesley, what’s that about?”
“This is too fast, Addie. I don’t want to mess this up.”
He turns the light back on, his face filled with worry.
“Mess what up?” I ask.
“Us. This. Don’t you feel a lot of pressure?”
I’m taken aback. I thought this was what he wanted. Now he’s hesitant?
“Not really…we’re just kissing.”
“I know.” He sighs, looking away from me.
“Wes.”
“Hmm?” he hums.
“Look at me,” I say, but he doesn’t. I use the tip of my finger to turn his chin. “Look at me.”
His soft brown eyes find mine, and there’s a vulnerability there that I still haven’t gotten used to seeing.
My hands cup his cheeks. “You’re the one who finally told me how you were feeling, and now I’m here, feeling the same way, and you’re not?”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then talk to me. Because right now it feels like we’re strangers.”
He pushes my hair back and softly tucks the loose strands behind my ear.
“That’s the thing, Addie.” His voice is low and steady, his gaze dropping away from mine again.
“What is?”
He lets out a deep sigh, like this has been pressing on him for so long. “I know how to be your friend, but I’m a little scared to be your boyfriend.” His voice is strained like he feels guilty. My heart breaks a little…he shouldn’t feel guilty.
“Baby.” I breathe. “You’re not supposed to—”
His eyes flick up to mine. “Call me that again.”
A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. “Baby…” My tone is playful, but the second the word leaves my lips again, something in his eyes shift.
His eyes darken and one of his hands tightens on my waist while the other moves up to cradle the back of my head, pulling me in as his mouth crashes against mine. The kiss is intense, demanding, like I’ve just undone him.
As our mouths move together. The heat that spreads through me is intoxicating. His rough, calloused hand glides over my bare skin just under the bottom of my shirt.
I do the same back to him, my fingers just brushing the skin on his lower back before they trace around to his sides.
His hands immediately clamp my wrists and he breaks our kiss.
“Addison…” he whispers, his voice thick. Our uneven breathing fills the air between us. “We need to slow down.”
“I wasn’t going to—”
“I know.” His fingers brush against my cheek. “We need to have some boundaries though.”
I understand what he’s saying. I guess that’s something I’ll have to get used to. Brantley was really touchy—all the time—pushing me past my comfort zone sometimes. I just didn’t want to disappoint him or fight about it. I felt like I had to make up for my anxiety getting in the way of so much.
I like Wesley’s hands on my waist though. I like being this close to him and I like how he kisses me. We haven’t really talked about boundaries explicitly. We both know what’s off-limits; it’s understood without needing to be said.
“I know.” I climb off his lap.
“I mean…our parents don’t even know we’re seeing each other.”
I laugh. “We should probably tell them what’s going on.”
“Yeah, maybe this weekend.”
“You could come for lunch on Sunday?” I ask
“Oh, you wanna tell them together?”
“We don’t have to, I just thought—”
“We can. Let’s do it.” He checks his phone. “I should get you home,” he says, clearing his throat, and shifting the truck into drive.
“Do you think we’ll get married?” I blurt out with hardly any hesitation. It just happened to come to mind.
He shoves the truck back into park and laughs. “You just have all kinds of things on your mind tonight, don’t you, sweetheart?”
I laugh. “Answer it.”
Wes looks at me, shifting in his seat before leaning back.
“If I don’t marry you one day, then I don’t marry anyone, Addison. It’s you or it’s no one.”
The raw edge to his tone is honest. I can feel it in my chest, how deeply he means every word. The way he looks at me…the way he’s always looked at me. The way he speaks, it’s undeniable.
A couple weeks ago, the idea of him as my future husband would’ve felt impossible, not even right. But now…now, I can’t even imagine it any other way.