Chapter 2
AVAH
Clutching the triple-shot cappuccino I got from the coffee cart on the first floor, I open the door to Vivienne Ravel’s office.
Every part of my body is tired, and I need the caffeine to kick in as soon as possible.
Flying to Florida for EJ’s away game last night wasn’t the best idea.
Especially since I had to fly straight back afterward to make the emergency meeting with my boss this morning.
But it’s the start of his season and I wanted to be supportive.
“You wanted to see me?” I ask the Editorial Director of Maple Row Publishing House, stepping into her corner office. The view from up here is absolutely breathtaking, and I can’t help but think I’d love an office like this too some day.
“Yes,” she says, tucking her steel-silver bob behind her ear before gesturing to the chairs in front of her. “Please take a seat, Avah.”
I nod, closing the door behind me. The crick in my neck has me rolling my shoulders before settling into the plush leather chair. She rearranges a few documents before settling her gaze on me.
“You’ve had an amazing year at this company, Avah,” she says, offering me a warm smile. “The perspective you bring to the table is exactly what we need here.”
“Thank you, Vivienne,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee. “I love working here.”
I swallow, hating that I’m not saying more. But my brain is fried. I should’ve slept on the plane, maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here like a zombie when given the chance to tell my boss how much I want to stay here.
But after my run-in with Declan, I couldn’t settle down. Our conversation kept replaying in my mind, over and over again. And every time the guilt in my gut doubled. Because I shouldn’t have said what I said.
The words that came out of my mouth stayed with me all night, haunting me. Even though they were true on some level, I shouldn’t have said any of it. I wouldn’t want someone to say something like that to me. I need to control my tongue when it comes to Declan Murphy.
“As you know, you came here on a J-1 trainee program, a fixed program,” she says, her voice firm but gentle. “The program ends in two weeks.”
I nod, taking another big sip of coffee. Factually, I know that my program is about to end. But for some reason, I never looked beyond it. Mostly, I kept my head down, working hard for Vivienne and this publishing house. This place has been enough for me.
“Yes, I’m aware of that. I assumed that’s why you wanted to see me this morning, to talk about my position in the company moving forward.”
That sounded coherent, right? Professional?
God, please. Why do I feel like something horrible is about to happen? You brought me here a year ago. For a reason. Why do I feel like it’s about to end?
Vivienne looks down. She sighs, folding her hands neatly over the stack of manuscripts waiting on her desk.
“Unfortunately we won’t be able to offer you a more permanent position.”
She smooths her blouse with perfectly manicured nails. Vivienne is always the picture of perfection in her pressed pants and silk blouses. Even her lipstick is perfect as she delivers the news of my world falling apart.
“What do you mean?” I ask, shaking my head as if that might help her change her mind. “You said I was an asset to this Publishing House. You’ve hinted several times about something more permanent. What changed?”
My mind is trying to figure out why I’m here, why I feel blindsided. I knew this program was only a year long. Why didn’t I have a back-up plan?
“The truth is Avah, you’ve really been instrumental to this team and our success over the past year.
” She looks up at me, her gaze determined.
“But despite your success and the book you’ve helped put out, we’ve had a year of loss.
With indie publishing taking off, traditional publishing houses are taking a hit, and this one is no different. ”
I nod, but it barely registers. I told myself I was working on my future by staying late, working hard to meet deadlines, putting in the hours…
but perhaps I was just coasting. A year has gone by and I’m no further along than I was back then.
I’m still holding onto the ring Axel gave me, I’m still struggling to feel God’s forgiveness and to see His Hand in my life.
I was letting it all go by without participating. And now I have nothing to show for it.
“But I mean, I could help,” I try, shifting in my seat. “If you give me a chance, I’m sure I can help you make a difference here.”
“I don’t doubt your capabilities, Avah,” she says firmly. “The fact is, after our budget meeting, the board decided that we’re cutting the foreign program. It’s about business. Really, it’s not personal. I like you, we all like you, but we follow the directives given by those above us.”
Her words don’t leave much room for argument.
I know the type of professional relationship I have with Vivienne, which is obviously why she felt confident to a degree to drop hints about me possibly staying on more permanently.
But the guys on the board and the higher-ups don’t know me.
To them it’s all about the money. I’m merely a name on a list they can cross off to save them another zero at the end of the financial year.
“I understand,” I mumble, my heart sinking as the hard reality sets in. “That means my visa…”
“You’ll have to go back to Stockholm, yes,” she says with a sympathetic smile tugging at her mouth. “You’ll have your thirty day grace period as soon as your program ends in two weeks.”
That’s six weeks.
Six weeks before I have to pack up my life and leave the country.
If I can even call it a ‘life’. I haven’t exactly made an effort to build myself a life here over the past year.
Unless you count a full-time job and a brother who plays professional hockey.
Those were the only two variables that took up my time.
I didn’t make friends in the office. A few of the other interns have invited me out for drinks, but I never went.
It wasn’t that I had something against them, just that I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to partake in laughter or casual socializing.
I kept my head down and I worked hard. The rest of the time, I spent with EJ and his team.
That was it. That was my year.
“So I suggest you take the month and do what you love to do most in the city,” she says, her voice lighter now, trying to end this on a more optimistic note. But there’s not enough site-seeing in all of Manhattan that’s going to cheer me up right now.
“I guess that means I’m losing my apartment too…” I add quietly.
“Yes, unfortunately,” she says, rummaging in her top drawer for something. “Corporate housing is tied to the program, so I’m afraid your lease ends the day the program ends.”
My gaze drops as I fight back tears. My job and my apartment are gone, in one fell swoop.
God, why is this happening?
“I’m so sorry, Avah,” she says. “Look at the bright side. You have at least thirty days to soak in all of New York. And from what I hear, Stockholm has cleaner air, so it’ll be better for you all around.”
I manage a tight smile.
“Thanks for everything, I guess,” I say, getting up while my heart remains on the floor.
She finds what she’s looking for and hands me a cream-colored envelope.
“Here, take this.” I glance down and recognize the logo of one of Manhattan’s most popular restaurants on the back.
“Vivienne…”
“Take it. It’s a gift and it’s almost impossible to get a reservation there so you can’t let this opportunity go to waste. Take a friend…or someone special.” She winks, mischief dancing in her polished features.
“So this is you telling me to go on a date?” I ask her with a faint smile.
“Well,” she says with a shrug. “Unless you’re able to find a company willing to give you a job and fast track the visa sponsorship, your only other option is getting married. And I’ve heard a lot of people get engaged at Cinzano’s, it’s the perfect spot apparently."
I chuff under my breath, shaking my head. “Thanks, Vivienne, but there’s no way an engagement is anywhere in my immediate future.”
“Well, I can make a few phone calls for you,” she adds. “I really like you, Avah, and you’re amazing at what you do. Maybe something will open up somewhere.”
With a final forced smile, I leave her office, defeat threatening to weigh me down. The irony is not lost on me. By now, I would’ve been married…secure in my home, my life, my future.
And here I am, a year later and sure of absolutely nothing.
“I think maybe you should take the rest of the day,” Vivienne calls as I reach the door. “Take your manuscripts home, and just let it all settle. We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
Nodding, I leave her office. My heart is heavy and my mind is spinning.
I believed God had a plan for my life by giving me this opportunity. It was sudden and it came at the right time. Now, just as suddenly, it’s taken away and I’m not sure what to make of it.
Have I just been kidding myself?
Have I been praying all this time, only to feel the same hurt, to sit in the same pain and now to add more to it?
God, I don’t understand. I don’t get it.
Please help me keep faith. There must be a plan. Help me see it.
* * *
“Hi mom,” I answer the phone, clutching it between my ear and shoulder as I unlock the door to my apartment. “How are you?”
“Fine, we’re all fine,” she says, her voice already filled with sass. “No thanks to you and your brother who left us all alone here on the other side of the ocean.”