Chapter 12
12
Aaron
I walk straight out the pub, through the kitchen and out the backdoor. Thank God, Mam is visiting my aunt Elsie for the night because I definitely can’t deal with her asking me a million questions. And I definitely can’t deal with her while sporting a hard-on.
As soon as the frigid air hits my face, I lean over and rest my hands on my knees. The icy air stinging my nose and throat is the only reason I know I’m getting oxygen in because right now, it feels like I’m suffocating.
I’m a fucking idiot. Being that close to Holly, showing her exactly what I’d love to do to her under the guise of helping her research, had to be the most intense form of torture. The space between us felt charged, like the electrical storms I used to encounter back in Johannesburg. I could feel her breath on my face. See the rise and fall of her chest. Feel the heat pulsing off her. I wanted nothing more than to close that miniscule gap between our lips and take what I’d been craving for all these years. I swear I could even see the plea in Holly’s eyes. She wanted me to follow through and kiss her.
I straighten and focus on the plume of vapour rushing from my mouth. My hands are shaking, my feet begging me to walk back to her and finish what I started. Right against that wall. What if I had kissed her? Would that have been the start of something beautiful or a mistake that would hurt her, hurt Spencer, and ruin our relationship?
I wish I could blame Spencer for being distrusting of me with Holly. When we were in the tenth grade, I was on my I-need-to-forget-Holly mission, and Belinda Thomson was interested in me. She was a good friend to me and Spencer. She pursued me, and I kept rejecting her because I knew it would be more than a quick fuck to her. Holly had announced she was dating Ben, and Belinda once more propositioned me. I went for it. I told Belinda exactly what it meant to me, and she said she was fine with it. But I should’ve known better. She wasn’t fine and ended up hurt. And Spencer was left to pick up the pieces. So, it makes sense that Spencer would want me away from Holly.
I’ll have to live with the regret of not going for it. The bigger part of me knows I did the right thing. Respecting her, respecting Spencer, matters. Still, it doesn’t make the ache in my chest any less real. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to hold her, to kiss her like I know she deserves.
But I can’t. Not like this. Not when Spencer’s warning to me sits in the forefront of my mind like a flashing reminder of my promise to him—a promise I’ve come close to breaking on more than one occasion.
I’m so tangled up in the emotions swirling in my head and heart that I haven’t paid attention to the thing that had me glued to the spot when I overheard Holly’s conversation.
What did she mean about scrapping the whole virginity part? Surely, she didn’t mean she is a virgin? I know she was when I left South Africa, but she’s in university. Fuck, it infuriates me to think of anyone touching her, holding her, tasting her when that’s all I wanted to do.
I’d fucked enough women trying to get her out of my mind, but it never worked. I shake my head. Maybe she was talking about the plot of her book. And the inexperience she spoke about had to be about being kissed against a wall? Fuck, I don’t know.
The chill really starts seeping in now because I don’t have a jacket. Sighing, I head inside. It’s none of my business if she is or isn’t a virgin. And it won’t ever be. No matter how much it hurts.
I have to focus on the bigger picture. I have to be the friend Holly needs, the friend Spencer trusts, even if it means putting my own feelings on hold. But damn, it’s going to be hard to forget how it felt to be that close to her, knowing she wanted it too.
But first things first. I need to get back to the bar before Max and Trevor arrives so I can make sure Max keeps his grubby paws off Holly.
God, I need a fucking drink.