Chapter 13
13
Holly
“Hey, are you okay?” Celine’s tone is full of concern as she answers the phone. I flick a glance at the bar’s clock and wince. With the time difference, it’s one a.m. in Chicago.
I grimace even though she can’t see me. “Shit, yes, I’m sorry. I keep forgetting about the time difference. Did I wake you?”
“No, I just got in from our pre-signing party. This signing is going to be freaking amazing.”
I smile at the excitement in Cece’s voice. “I have no doubt. I’m jealous.”
She laughs. “Like I said yesterday…”
“I know, I know. That’s sort of what I’m calling you about, but it’s late and you have a full day tomorrow?—”
“Shut up and tell me.”
I inhale slowly before word-vomiting what happened with Aaron.
I haven’t even finished my play-by-play when Celine blurts, “Shut up! Shut up! I told you. Oh my god, I told you. I was right and you were wrong. Victory is mine.”
I laugh. “Are you done?”
“Not nearly, but I want to hear what happened next.”
“Nothing. He got out of there like his tail was on fire and that was it. But I will tell you one thing. Professor Johnson was right. Experience goes a long way with writing. After I managed to scoop my jelly legs off the floor, I went into my room and wrote that kiss scene like a boss.”
“I bet you did.”
“So…” I hesitate.
“So?”
I straighten my spine even though she can’t see me. If I’m not going to take chances and step out of my comfort zone here, I’m never going to do it. I can’t complain about having to conform to my parents’ version of the “perfect” child when I finally have the chance to live my own life, and all I do is play it safe. I take another breath, then let the words out in a rush. “I’m going to ask Aaron to help me with my list.”
Clattering comes through the line with a string of curses, more clattering, and then a breathy, “Sorry. Sorry. I got such a shock that I dropped my phone. Holy shit, Hols. This is huge!”
“I know. You’d tell me if I’m crazy, right?”
“Girl, you know I would. But I’ve been telling you to do this since you got your ticket. Of course, I thought you’d just flirt and see how things went organically, but grabbing the bull by the horns—or balls, in this case—is an approach I fully endorse.”
Just then, Aaron walks in. What is it with him catching me on the phone all the time? At least this time I was facing the door, so I know he didn’t hear anything he wasn’t supposed to.
When he sees me, regret flashes across his face but he quickly schools his features. Does he regret getting that close to me? Did I read too much into the almost kiss? God, maybe I should ditch my plan.
“Holly, if I didn’t think Aaron was into you, I wouldn’t let you do this. I love you, no matter how much shit I give you.”
Celine’s words fuel my confidence. What’s the worst that could happen? He rejects me. At least then I’ll be able to forget this childish crush and move on with my life.
“Cece, I’ve got to go.”
“Go, but I want all the deets tomorrow.”
“You’re going to be exhausted.”
“Not too exhausted to hear about this. Go get him, girl!”
I laugh even as nerves fizz in my belly. “Love you.” We hang up, and I pop my phone into my apron.
“Morning.”
“Mornin’. Did Max and Trevor do this before they went home?” Aaron looks around at the chairs arranged neatly around the tables, the lit fire, and the bingo cards laid out for the game later.
“No, I couldn’t sleep so…” After making my decision last night and writing that piece, sleep was elusive in more ways than one.
The regret I saw a few seconds ago is back. “Holly, I want to apologize for yesterday. I?—”
“Don’t apologise, the thing is…uhm…it sort of inspired me.”
Aaron shoves his hand in his pockets and rocks on his heels. That devilish smirk makes an appearance. “Yeah?”
I roll my eyes. “Not like that. It inspired another idea.”
Is that disappointment I see on his face? The thing is, I was inspired to write a fantastic kissing scene, and while I can’t say for sure if it will hit the mark with readers, it certainly turned me on, and that’s a far cry from what happened when I tried the previous time. This time, I was moved to touch myself. Last time, I was in tears. I don’t tell Aaron any of this, though.
“Care to share?”
I swallow hard. It was all well and good when the idea struck after a round of self-love (if you know what I mean), but standing here in front of Aaron now, knowing what I’m about to propose, is a lot harder in practice.
“You know what, never mind. I…I’m just popping to the bathroom.” Really, Holly? I could’ve said anything, but I choose to bring up the bathroom.
I turn to walk away but his strong hands on my shoulders stop me and steps in front of me.
“You can’t start something and not finish it.” He winks.
I laugh. “Yeah, I guess that’s your job.”
His eyebrows raise. “Touché. Holly, I don’t mean to?—”
I place a finger on his lips. I don’t want to hear what Aaron has to say before I spill my guts or else I might chicken out. “I need your help with something.”
His face softens, and I lower my finger. “Sure, anything, Holly.”
Here goes nothing. “I need help with my fuck-it list.”
He blinks. “Your what now?”
“Oh, you’re probably not familiar. It’s sort of something in the book world. It’s a list of things you want to try that is out of character… No, that’s not right. It’s just a list you have when you’re like fuck-it, let’s do this.” I’m rambling and I wish I could suck the words right back into my mouth.
Aaron runs a hand through his hair. “Like a bucket list?”
I tilt my head. “Without the imminent death on completion, yes.”
“And you have one of these lists.”
I nod. Why does this feel stupid?
“Do you have it on you?”
I should lie. “Yes.”
He holds out his hand. “Lemme see it.”
I shake my head. “Oh no, you don’t.”
“I can’t help you with your list if you won’t show it to me. Tell me about it then.”
Suddenly, showing him the list seems to be the better option.
I pull the list out of my back pocket. I toy with it between my fingers while trying to work up the courage to show it to Aaron. When I look up, he’s watching me patiently, his brown eyes dark with intensity.
“I’m not going to judge you, Holly. You can trust me.”
His tone is sincere, so before I lose my nerve, I hand him the paper, then shove my hands into my pockets and look down at my feet. Oh my god, this is mortifying. Maybe I don’t need to be an author. I can quit my creative writing degree and get a job pumping petrol. There’s absolutely no creativity at all in pumping petrol. I can live a long, happy life doing that.
I’m about to snatch the paper back when I hear his sharp intake of breath. I guess he got to item three.
“Holly?”
When I was a kid, I used to think if I stood really still and told myself I was invisible, then it would be so. After all, our neighbour, Mrs. Brown, strongly believed in the power of manifestation. So maybe if I believe hard enough, my molecules will vaporise, and I can either be invisible or disappear. Either way is fine with me.
He captures my chin between his warm fingers and forces me to meet his eyes.
He clears his throat. “Is this an updated list?”
My heart is lodged in my throat, and all I can do is nod.
“Fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair as his tongue darts out.
My gaze drops again. Even though I could stare at his tongue darting out every minute of every day without ever getting sick of it, I just can’t take the intensity of his gaze right now.
“You’re still a virgin?”
I snatch back the list and shove it in my pocket. “Look, never mind. It’s stupid.”
I turn to get the hell out of Dodge when he stops me again. He cups my face. “Holly, come sit with me please. Let’s talk.”
He holds out his hand and nothing could stop me from taking it—not even the utter mortification I feel right now. When we’re settled on the couch, Aaron stares at our clasped hands. I should probably move my hand, but I just can’t seem to make myself do it. The romance author in me stares at our interlocked fingers and can’t help noticing how beautiful they look together. How my hand fits so perfectly in his, like they were always meant to be together.
Now I just need to convince Aaron of that.