Chapter 26
26
Aaron
I sit back in the chair and wipe the tears that have been flowing freely for a while now. I knew things were bad at home for Holly, and she told me some of it, but reading this awe-inspiring story, this baring of her heart and soul, put so much into perspective. When Holly told me she’d found her safe space, I thought she meant Scotland and here at the inn, but reading through Holly’s thoughts, opinions, and feelings allowed me to see things in a much deeper light.
The list may have been more of a sex list, but the way she expressed it in her book showed me it was so much more to her than that. To Holly, losing her virginity was more than just getting to experience sex for the first time—it was about something solely hers that no one could control and how she chose when and how to give it freely. Karaoke was about finding her voice. Primal play about trust and the steps it took to relinquish the control she held on to so tightly. She still hadn’t crossed the tattoo off her list, and I now knew it was a symbol of a new era for her. One where she took back everything she lost.
I close the laptop and grab my phone. I make an appointment with Andy, the island’s most sought-after tattooist. I know he doesn’t work on a Friday, but I let him sleep in the inn for free when his girlfriend cheated on him and kicked him out of their apartment. He owes me one.
Next, it’s time to call Spence. I hit his number and feel a calm wash over me. I know what I’m about to do is probably going to go over like a ton of brick but I’m doing this for mine and Holly’s future as well as my relationship with Spencer. I need him to see that I am in love with his sister.
“It’s about fuckin’ time,” Spencer says.
“How’s it going in sunny South Africa?”
“Too sunny, that’s why I called. Would it be okay for me to come out for a couple of weeks? I could use a break from life over here for a bit.”
Hearing Spencer say this makes me wonder if he’s had a touch of what Holly has been through now that she isn’t there but I promised Holly I wouldn’t get into it with Spencer so I don’t ask. I’m grateful I’ve decided on this call because Spencer would’ve heard me waver if he’d been the one to call me. “More than okay. When are you thinking of arriving?”
I already have an idea from his call with Holly but I’m hoping his answer will lead to a natural segue into what I have to tell him.
“A couple of weeks before Holly leaves. I was thinking of flying back with her.”
“Speaking of Holly. I have something to tell you.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine.” Okay, that’s not precisely true but I’m hoping she will be when I talk to her.
“All right. So what’s up?”
“I love her.” Okay, that just popped right out of my mouth.
There’s silence. And maybe it only lasts for seconds but it feels like hours.
Finally, he speaks. “Does she know?”
“Yes. She loves me back.”
“Jesus Christ, Aaron. Will there ever be a time when you didn’t only think with your dick?”
I clench my jaw. “I am thinking with more than my dick. I’ve been thinking of more than my dick for years.”
“Have you fucked her?”
“What happens between me Holly and me is our business and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about Holly that way. I don’t owe you an explanation and neither does she but because I respect you, I will say this. I think I’ve loved Holly since the moment I first lay eyes on her. And believe me, no one thinks I’m more undeserving of her love that I do so you can fucking quit shoving that down my throat. But she makes me want to be a better man for her. She makes me want to do better. And she makes me imagine every important moment, good, boring, and fucking terrible with her by my side. I love you, bro, but I love her too. And I make her happy. Fuck knows how I got so lucky, but I did. If you won’t accept us together it will break Holly’s heart and gut me. But nothing will stop me from loving her, and being with her.” The words pour out of me in a rush because they are words I’ve wanting to speak for years I just didn’t have the courage. Holly gave me the courage.
Spencer blows out a breath. “What are you going to do about the distance?”
“Again, that’s our business. Look, I’m not trying to be a dick here. It just isn’t my place to speak for Holly.”
Again, there’s a ton of silence. “You better not fucking hurt her.”
“I’m going to, and she’s going to hurt me. That’s what building a life together is about. But not one moment of it will be intentional, and no one will give me more shit about it than I will.”
Spencer laughs and I sigh with relief. “I guess I’ve just been told.”
“Bro, I mean no disrespect.”
“I know. It’s been me that has disrespected you all these years. I’m sorry.”
Nothing would’ve surprised me more than if he appeared through the cell. I chuckle. “I’m fucking shocked, bro.”
“No more than me.”
“Look, I need to go speak to Holly. We’ll call you back later.”
“Video call please. From a standing position, with all your clothes on.”
“Bro.” I warn.
“Sorry. Sorry. Call me later.”
I hang up the phone and I take a minute because I think I’m going to throw up. Nothing would stop me from being with Holly, but Spencer’s approval means more to me than I let on.
Now, I need to get to Holly because a minute apart from her feels like a lifetime, and I’ve spent enough time apart from her because of my own stupidity. Not only did Holly give me the privilege and honour to see into her mind, but through Holly finding the courage to find her own freedom, she has given me the courage to find mine. And I need to thank her for it.
I search the inn and pub for Holly. My heart sinks as I run outside, certain I’ll find her driving away in a taxi, but then I remember she left her passport in the safe in my suite.
When I spot her, I nearly blubber and laugh at the same time. Holly is sitting on Mr McGregor’s fence, watching the sheep. To my utter surprise, Basil is sitting at her feet, staring off in the same direction she is, as if the relationship between them has always been as tranquil as the scene in front of me suggests. When I get closer to them, they raise their heads and turn to me. Holly has been crying, and it breaks my heart. I caused those tears because I couldn’t see my life here as a gift instead of a burden.
“I see you’ve made friends.”
Holly looks down at Basil. “I’m not sure about that. Basil may just be making sure I don’t trespass into his yard.”
“Can we talk?” I blurt, needing to say everything crashing around my heart.
She pats the fence next to her and I hop up, facing the other way so I can see her face when I speak to her. “I finished the book.”
She nods.
“I’m a dick, Holly. A spoiled arsehole who has seen the last two years as a burden instead of a privilege. I’ve been so resentful of my father leaving me with the responsibility of the inn and Mam, that all I felt was that resentment.”
Holly looks at me with nothing but sympathy and love, and it gives me the guts to continue. “Just before we left South Africa, it felt like I had everything I wanted on a silver platter, and everything else I wanted was within reach. We came to Scotland for the holidays, and that’s when my parents dropped the bomb on me about the move. As soon as we landed back in South Africa, I went to the dam and saw that dickwad Oliver grinding on you. I nearly fucking lost it.”
“As I recall, you did lose it.”
“All right, fair enough. I know guys like Oliver, and all he was interested in is getting laid.”
Holly scoffs. “And you weren’t? I agree with you that Ollie probably didn’t have the best intentions but back then you were working your way through girls like rugby balls.”
I hang my head, ashamed of who I used to be. “You aren’t wrong. I had a reason for doing what I did and I’m not proud of it. I see now that fucking as many girls as I did was not the way to handle not being able to be with you. It’s always been you, Holly.”
She inhales sharply.
“I couldn’t have you, so I tried to distract myself. It didn’t work and wasn’t fair to anyone. I suppose I should probably make some amends.”
She elbows me. “There isn’t enough stationary in the whole of Scotland for you to start writing apology notes, and I will dip your nuts in liquid nitrogen if you ever phone, text, or messenger pigeon any one of them. Are we clear?”
I clutch my balls. “Crystal.”
“Besides, it’s not like those girls were being taken advantage off. The line went twice around the building to try get you in their panties, and the graffiti on the bathroom walls expressed great amounts of gratitude for you and your tongue, and your?—”
I blush a deeper red than the housecoat Holly had on the first day she was here. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Nope. You had a standard nine-out-of-ten rating. Kerry McGillis was the only one to give you an eight, and that was because you didn’t have a piercing.”
I shake my head. “Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that side of me.”
She smirks. “Or not, as it were. But I am loving the side of you I get to see now.”
I jump off the fence and Basil gives me the side eye. Has the little fucker switched allegiances?
“Holly, please forgive me. I had my head so far up my arse that I didn’t see through all my bullshit. I felt so sorry for myself that I thought this was a life to avoid instead of embracing. I’m so embarrassed for even thinking I had it hard when what you went through was so much worse. And I used Spencer as an excuse to myself because I didn’t want to admit that I was acting like a shit.
If you’ll have me, I want to show you the real me, and not the kid who thought he had a tough lot in life. Holly, I’m asking you to stay.”
She jumps off the fence and into my arms. “Took you a while, but guys are always a bit slow in that way.” She’s joking but she’s not wrong.
“Is that how it’s going to be?”
I walk her over to a similar mud puddle that she fell into six weeks ago. I widen my legs and threaten to stand her down in the puddle.
“Aaron, don’t you dare. I just bought new suede boots, and I will kill you.”
I swing her and she squeals and holds onto my neck with all her might. I chuckle. Fuck. It feels good to laugh without the weight of my happiness being on a timer. I step to the side and place her gently on a dryer patch. Only the bottom of her shoes get mud on them.
“You are washing these shoes.”
I salute her. “As you wish.”
Her eyes go wide. “Aaron, watch out!”
“What? I said I woul?—”
I feel a thump against my legs and stumble back. Holly covers her mouth with her hand to stifle her laugh. I know what’s going to happen before it happens purely from the amused shock on Holly’s face and the smugness in Basil’s eyes. Yes, the fucker is looking smug.
I step back into the hole I was teasing Holly with just moments before and my leg sinks into the mud. I lose my balance and flail my arms. It doesn’t do anything to help stabilise me, and I know I’m going to fall. “Basil, you fuckin’ bastard.”
Holly laughter peals out of her like Christmas bells. “That’ll teach you for threatening me. Here, let me help.” She holds out her hand to me.
Instead of letting her help me out, I tug and pull her in. She lands on my lap, so she doesn’t get too muddy, but her precious boots are ruined once more.
She narrows her eyes. “You’re going to pay for that.”
“How about you make a revenge list now that you’re done with your fuck-it list.”
“I’m not quite done.”
“Yeah, that reminds me. I’ve made an appointment to get your tattoo.”
She looks surprised. “For when?”
“In about an hour, so you better get yourself cleaned up.”
That earns me another death stare from Holly.
“Wait. If you made it for an hour from now, you must’ve been mighty sure of yourself.”
“Sure of us, Trouble.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re such a charmer.”
“Nope, I’m just the luckiest guy on earth.”
I kiss her, pouring everything I just said and everything I plan on saying to her for the rest of my life into it. I won’t tell her yet.
Baby steps.
“Besides, if you said no, I would’ve just tattooed arsehole on my forehead. That way, I could see it every day for the rest of my life.”
Holly frowns and smears the mud on my cheek. “And mess up that pretty face of yours? I don’t think so.”
“Don’t you mean handsome and rugged?”
She snorts. “Your ego needs its own postal code.”
“All I need is you.”