Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NICK
T he scent of cinnamon hits me as soon as I step into the bakery, clutching the stack of flyers in my hand like it’s a lifeline. It’s the only reason I’m here, after all.
Not because I want to see Rachel. Not because I want to make sure she’s all right after that disastrous ending to our night two days ago.
How many times have I pulled out my phone, ready to text her?
To ask her where things went awry, what I could have done differently?
But if I do that, it feels like I should apologize, as if I did something wrong.
And kissing her like that, nothing held back…
It had been completely right. Better than anything my imagination could come up with.
I’d felt her response, how much she wanted it, too.
So why did she basically say it was a mistake?
I’m not ready for anything with anyone.
There’s only one reasonable explanation I can think of.
She’s not over Kyle.
And isn’t that a punch to the gut?
Even so, when she’d sent me a link yesterday to the chili cookoff flyer she created, I’d responded with thanks, telling her I’d print out some flyers for the bakery and drop them off today. The cookoff is still happening, regardless if Rachel and I are… anything.
Hailey’s behind the counter as she usually is, and greets me with a smile. “Are those the flyers?”
“Uh, yeah.” I hand them to her, unsure what to do with myself now that my task is finished. What, did I think Rachel would happen to be out here, take one look at me, and ask if we can pick up where we left off?
I inhale deeply, that cinnamon scent once a comfort, but now tinged with sadness. Like something that could’ve been.
“Are you okay?” Hailey asks, concern in her voice.
Jesus, how pathetic do I look? “I’m fine, sorry. Thanks for handing these out.”
I intend to turn and leave, but the door to the back opens, and as if I willed her there, Rachel steps out, carrying a fresh tray of cinnamon rolls. Maybe that’s why it smells so strongly of cinnamon.
She doesn’t notice me, and I watch her, unguarded, reliving the last time I saw her. The way her body had fit perfectly against mine, her lips soft as she kissed me with passion. Everything I’ve wanted for years.
Then the way she had pulled back, breathless but certain telling me she couldn’t do this.
She shifts, catching sight of me, and stops mid-stride, setting down her tray on the counter. “Hey.”
Her voice is unreadable, face carefully neutral. Even so, there’s a sudden tension in her posture, enough to make my stomach sink.
“Hey.” I dip my chin toward the flyers Hailey’s holding. “Just dropping those off.”
She nods and it’s silent, the only sound the muffled noise coming from the street outside. Hailey glances between us, appearing uncomfortable, and grabs the tray of cinnamon rolls. “I’ll put these away,” she murmurs, moving further away to the glass display case.
Rachel is staring down at the counter, fingers curled over the edge, not meeting my eyes. So this is how it’s going to be.
Sydney pushes through the double doors to the back, gaze on Rachel. “Hey, did you…” She trails off, picking up on the vibes as she looks between us, and doesn’t say any more.
I look one more time at Rachel, her lips pressed tightly together, throat moving in a hard swallow. She seems like she might… cry.
Ah, shit. I really ruined everything, didn’t I? I pushed the envelope kissing her in front of the camera, and this is what happened.
I shove my hands in my pockets so I don’t do something stupid like reach for her, wanting to comfort her. That’s the last thing she wants from me.
“I’ll get going.” I don’t want to cause her any more distress. Seeing her like this is already making my own chest too tight. “If I don’t see you before the cookoff…” I’m not sure where I’m going with this. “Take care.”
God, I sound like a moron.
I leave, but not before I hear Sydney whisper to Rachel, “What did you do to that poor man?”
I drop off more flyers at the community center and library, pausing for a few minutes to talk to Mrs. Klassen about my next scheduled visit to story time, then as I pass by the grocery store, decide to pop in there, too. I can’t remember if they have a bulletin board I could post the flyer on.
I’m hardly in the door, though, before a petite Asian woman is flagging me down. It takes me a moment to place her, having only met her once before at the fire station. No, wait, she showed up at the bakery last month when they had the small electrical fire, too.
Jae drags a man halfway across the store with her, smiling all the while. “Nick, hi.” She places a hand on her chest. “I’m Rachel’s friend, Jae.”
“I remember you.” It’s hard to forget her calling Kyle a slimy, pencil-dick bastard in casual conversation. I thought I’d be persona non grata with her, but maybe Rachel didn’t tell her what happened between us. Even so, I can still be friendly. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m great.” There’s a knowing smirk tugging at her lips I’m not quite sure how to interpret. “This is my husband, Josh,” she says, introducing the man next to her. “Josh, this is Rachel’s friend, Nick. The firefighter ,” she adds meaningfully.
Well, clearly they’ve been gossiping about me.
Josh holds out his hand and I shake it. “Good to put a face with the name.” He looks down at the shopping basket in his other hand. “I’m, uh, going to keep shopping.”
Jae shoos him off, and he whispers to me before he leaves, “Good luck.”
Wonderful.
“So, not to get too personal,” Jae says, clearly about to do just that, “but why haven’t you asked my girl out yet?”
I nearly sputter at her directness. “What?”
That knowing look is back, as if we’re in on a secret together. “Oh, come on. It’s obvious you’re into her. Even if she willfully refuses to see it. And I haven’t got her to admit it yet, but I swear she’s into you, too.”
Okay, Jae hasn’t been kept up to date with the latest info. “Rachel’s not interested in dating me.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, you too? I promise she’s—”
“No, she told me,” I interrupt her. I rub at the back of my neck, involuntary heat crawling up my face. “She’s not ready for anything with anyone.”
That takes her aback. “She said that?”
I rock back on my heels, wishing I’d never stopped in here, bulletin board be damned. “Verbatim.”
It seems I’ve dashed all her dreams based on her crestfallen expression. Why does she care so much? Then again, Rachel said it was Jae’s idea for the pretend dating prank to begin with.
“I’m sorry,” she says, at a loss for words. “I really thought…” She doesn’t finish her sentence.
I shrug because I can’t think of anything to say either, and offer her one of the flyers still in my hand. “Want to come to the chili cookoff?”
“Yes, absolutely.” She grabs the paper like it’s a lifeline. “Do you need any help? Josh and I will do whatever you want.”
I wonder if her husband is okay with being volunteered, too. “Actually, we need a face painter.” That was one of the ideas Chief liked. “Any experience with that?”
“I’ll learn,” she says, committing to the job. “And I can talk to Rachel about—”
“Please don’t.” The last thing I want is Rachel feeling obligated to me in any way. “She doesn’t owe me anything. I just… never mind.”
“No, what is it?”
“I guess I don’t understand why she’s still hung up on Kyle, is all. Anyway, I’ll let you keep shopping. See you at the cookoff.”
I leave before she can drag me into any other awkward conversations or clumsy sympathy.
There’s only so much a man can take in one day.