CHAPTER 21
Harvey
It’s Friday night, and I missed Claire’s call earlier while I was showering. I debated calling her back, but in the end chose not to.
This is for the best.
I need to prove myself to Gemma. I’m not sure which gesture would show her that I’m trying here. We’ve been hanging out a little more in the evenings the past few days, and it’s been nice honestly, even though we barely talk.
Gemma seems to be in a better mood tonight. She brought home takeout, so we eat on the couch while watching TV.
Then I wait for her while she changes, coming back in a long T-shirt, fuzzy socks, and a loose hoodie.
Cute.
I stare at Gemma and notice the green earrings she always wears, the ones she mentioned her mom gave to her when we first started dating. She’s put her hair up in a bun and a few strands are flying around her face.
This is it.
The grand gesture.
She needs to know I’m serious about this, despite my feelings for Claire.
“What’s wrong?” she asks me, with an edge to her voice. The poor girl, the last time she asked me that, I had kissed another woman.
I really am a prick.
“Nothing. I wanted to try something.”
She deserves it. I kissed another woman. It’s the least I can do. I haven’t touched her in so long. My heart is beating uncontrollably, but I don’t relent.
“Try what?”
Before she has the chance to say anything else, I take her hand, intertwining our fingers, coaxing our bodies closer together on the couch.
I clear my throat. “I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me.” I gaze into her green eyes, leaning closer to her until my lips press softly against hers.
I remember how passionate our kisses used to be.
Oh, how time has changed everything between us.
Time and circumstances.
I glide my hand down her neck and then bring my forefinger to her collarbone. I wish I felt something—anything—heat or lust or my dick growing hard. Instead, I feel the hollowness in every bone in my body.
We haven’t fucked since the accident—something that would affect most men. Yet I’ve been able to abstain due to my depression and because I didn’t feel shit.
Until Claire came into the picture.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve gotten stronger physically and mentally—I don’t know. Maybe it’s that my confidence grew. Or maybe with Claire I was never trying or forcing it, and it just happened.
I deepen our kiss, but Gemma pulls away. A small laugh escapes her lips, then suddenly she speeds to the bathroom and shuts the door.
Okay.
I’m tempted to go knock to make sure she’s alright, as I can hear her vomiting, but soon she comes back and sits on the couch next to me—though farther away.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Must’ve been the takeout.”
I nod, and she takes my hand and squeezes it, reassuring me.
That’s the thing with Gemma—I never truly know what she’s thinking. Trying to pull ideas and thoughts and feelings out of her is like getting a root canal.
When we’re done watching TV, she cleans up, and I transfer from the couch to my wheelchair.
“I’m proud of you,” I hear her say behind me.
I swallow, knowing how much those words affect me and touch my soul. If anyone would’ve asked me before the accident what I wanted to hear from a woman’s mouth, I might’ve said a compliment. Now, it’s those specific words.
Claire says them too, with so much conviction.
I smile back at Gemma and wheel away. “Good night, Gemma.”
I had a great morning with Hen and Gemma. Breakfast was amazing.
Now I’m at my PT appointment with Stefan, watching my brother and Gemma chill and laugh in the sitting area. I wonder if she laughs like that with her boss too.
“Damn, Harvey, you’re distracted lately.”
I chuckle. “My bad. Is this even necessary at this point?” I ask him as each of my legs are attached to robotic braces that help me walk on the spot. It’s the Lokomat, basically a robotic treadmill training system.
Gemma keeps looking back at me, and it bothers me.
I can feel my cheeks redden.
I hate that she’s seeing me like this, attached to this thing—unlike her boss.
“It’s helping you progress faster, Harvey. The repetition helps your brain adapt and improve, especially combined with Claire’s daily training.”
I nod. “Yeah. She’s good at what she does.”
A little too good maybe, since I fell for her.
I look up and swallow, knowing I’m in too deep. I don’t know what the future will bring. I have no idea which woman to be with.
Stefan makes me perform different exercises this time, and I’m dripping sweat by the time I’m done. I nap when we get home, while Gemma and Hen hang out, before we order pizza and watch TV together at night.
The last few days have been completely different than last weekend—it’s almost hard to wrap my head around it.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Gemma asks as I’m heading to my room once Henrik’s gone.
“Sure,” I answer, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve been with people all day, and I need the night to unwind.
“Did Claire tell you?”
My heart starts pounding without warning. “Tell me what?” I ask, wishing I knew what the hell she was talking about.
“I met with her yesterday for lunch.”
Well, imagine my fucking surprise.
So that’s why Claire took off early. It’s probably why she called me later, to warn me, though I don’t get why she didn’t tell me beforehand. I mean, we literally spent half the day together.
Women and their secrets, I swear to God.
“I wouldn’t know.” I’m dying inside. “I didn’t answer her call yesterday.”
“Yeah, well…she apologized and said she’ll keep things professional from now on.” I watch her stare ahead, pushing her hair behind her ear. “I think it’s time to reduce her hours. I think…I think you’re more independent than you give yourself credit for.”
“What?” I chuckle. “ What did you say?”
“Harvey, she doesn’t need to hang out with you all day.”
“Why do you care if she’s here? Are you going to quit your job, hmm? Stay away from your boss?”
She doesn’t answer. Instead, she gives me a slow, disbelieving headshake, and I know that it means she thinks I’m being silly with my questions.
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Are you kidding me? Claire stays. End of discussion.”
She gets up from the couch, balling her fists at her side. “Why am I here? Why did you beg me to give you another chance if you can’t let her go?”
That’s a good fucking question—I don’t know.
Why did she have to go and ruin the night?
I scoff, ruffling my hair with my hand. “I’m doing better with her help.” It’s not a lie—I am. I probably wouldn’t have progressed as fast without her daily exercises.
I’m stronger physically, muscle-wise.
And mentally because…well, other reasons, clearly.
“I just asked you to reduce her hours!”
I shake my head because, fuck, I’m a piece of shit and I know it, yet I can’t let her go. “Then she might quit. And besides, I’m not okay with that arrangement, not unless you quit your job.”
We both know she won’t.
“You know what, Harvey?” Her voice cracks, and it breaks something inside of me. “I need this job.”
She goes to leave, but I catch her hand at the last second. “Don’t—don’t fight me on this. I need you .”
I do. Gemma keeps me whole.
Without her, I’ll break.
Yet Claire has been here every step of the way, watching me rebuild myself.
“Come game with me, please.” I need to fix things with her. Damn , and we were having such a good day. “Please,” I beg further.
I let go of her wrist, and she nods.
I’m happy when we spend the entire night gaming in silence like the good old days, hoping tomorrow will bring another good day as well.