Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“S orry, Hannah, are you ok?”
Teddy’s lips were mere centimetres from my own mouth, his breath a warm breeze on my skin. His gaze was intense and enticing, as if he were showing me a window to his very soul, and I lay still like a rabbit caught in full beam. We stared at each other, unmoving, for about twelve minutes. All right, maybe not twelve minutes, but there was definitely enough time for my entire visceral system to liquefy inside my body, alongside a few embarrassed-sounding coughs from various onlookers.
“Ummm, yeah, I’m fine, but perhaps you should get up now?” My voice was a little off – breathy, you might say, and definitely not the voice of an ice queen or a prickly hedgehog.
“Oh, yeah, I should.”
But he still didn’t move. He kept on staring with fascination into my eyes. And all I could think about in the whole wide world was snogging his face off. Once again.
It was only the sudden loud throat-clearing noise above our heads that made him jolt his gaze upwards, and I followed his line of sight and found I was looking straight up Giles’s nose, accompanied by a curious Deidre by his side as she bent down to snuffle Teddy’s hair.
“I caught your intended quarry, Ted,” Giles said.
Still lying on top of me, like this was entirely normal and comfortable for everyone, Teddy smiled.
“Thanks, Giles. She’s pretty fast for a blind goat.”
“Quite. So perhaps you could release my colleague now? I’m not sure she necessarily needs holding captive much longer.”
Teddy grinned mischievously and said, “Shame. That’s right up there with your fireman fantasy, right?”
I snorted and bit my lip, trying not to give him the satisfaction of seeing me laugh, but he knew what he did to me with every look and every comment. He bloody well knew. With a final small smile and eyebrow twitch, he lifted his weight up from my body, a sudden cool flow of air filling the void where his warmth had been, just as a pair of shiny tan brogues appeared in my peripheral vision.
“Get off her, you boorish idiot.” Jonathan quickly bent down and grasped my hand, hauling me to my feet as Teddy stood back, frowning and brushing the loose grass from his clothes.
Jonathan continued in a petulant tone, “You really should listen to me and your mother and get away from this joke of a place. You’re far too good for these people.”
This day was already proving to be longer and more arduous than I could ever have imagined, and I snatched my hand from his.
“I rarely take anything she has to say on board, but I don’t know why you’re persistent with this, Jonathan. I’ve already told you my answer. I’m not returning to Bristol with you.”
“I do love you, Hannah. I’ve made mistakes and I regret them more than you know.”
He seemed sincere – perhaps even a touch desperate – and my heart began thumping in my ears. I briefly closed my eyes and tried valiantly to stop the explosion of emotions that was threatening to erupt.
“Why are you doing this?”
“I want you back, obviously.”
“No, Jonathan, the real reason. Why are you here?”
He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, refusing to meet my eye. Instead, he cast an appraising glance at the crowd still milling about in the show ring. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally speaking in a hushed tone.
“The funds from that large Horserace Betting Levy Board grant have been frozen. The first results we presented to the panel last week were inconsistent.” He gave me a beseeching look. “Some of the team have left in the last few months and the students haven’t been able to replicate your findings.”
I stared blankly at him.
Right. Yeah, of course.
No one in the world would be so hopelessly in love with me that they would show up and beg me to return. Not someone like me. No, he just wanted my lab notes and for me to tutor some fucking students. He wanted me to be his skivvy to do his experiments so he could keep his bastard funding. Reality slapped me across the cheek like a solid, wet fish, and some of the icy ire left my blood so that my shoulders noticeably sank.
“I see.”
“So, just to recap, you need Hannah to swoop in and save your research group who are dropping like flies? Because you’re too incompetent to manage your own experiments?” Teddy asked through gritted teeth.
“Well, I er?—”
“And you’re saying that you need her superior intellect and ability to cover your arse?”
“That’s not quite how it?—”
“But the only thing you’re prepared to offer is her old job back and a half-arsed declaration of love to sweeten the deal?” Teddy’s voice was steely. “Unbelievable.”
“I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand,” Jonathan sneered.
“You’re right. Someone like me would never be able to understand how someone like you could treat someone as amazing as Hannah so fucking appallingly.”
“You don’t know anything about it, so I think you should just piss off, you clueless meathead.”
Teddy lurched forward, hands already forming fists, but I grabbed his arm.
“Stop! Teddy, don’t. He’s not worth it.”
Jonathan smirked triumphantly at him, but Teddy turned to me, whitened knuckles resting lightly under my chin.
“No, he’s not worth it, at all, but punching his lights out in front of all these people would certainly make me feel better.” He paused and brushed his thumb across my mouth, grazing the pad over my lower lip so that my breath caught in my throat. “All that crap he put you through … you know you’re worth so much more, right?”
I went to shake my head, the inner confidence I held on to with a narrow thread fully deserting me. Honey-badger Hannah retreated into a safe, dark hole, hidden from view once more. But with a soft smile, Teddy gently tugged my chin, forcing me to nod my head, a reluctant twitch pulling at the corner of my lips.
“Good,” he whispered.
“Touching, really. But sentimentality isn’t going to get her a professorship at any of the major vet schools. Only I can do that for her.”
He was talking about me as if I wasn’t even here. Again.
Yep, still a total and utter dickhead of epic proportions , the honey badger whispered from her hiding place.
“I think you should leave now, ” Teddy said.
“I’m the head judge and guest of honour,” Jonathan replied with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Actually, with all due respect, Professor Pierce, I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with you being here, and I don’t think Hannah is either.” Giles paused and looked to me, questioningly, and I shook my head. “I thought so.” Turning back to Jonathan, he squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “I regret to inform you that I’ve decided to withdraw the support of our practice from your research project. I should never have agreed without discussing things with my colleague first.”
“What? Now, Giles, wait a min?—”
“No, actually, I think I’ll manage the rest of the judging today, so you’re no longer necessary and should definitely just leave. Right away, actually, if you wouldn’t mind. Thank you.” Giles had seemingly grown a massive pair of balls all of a sudden, and I was stunned into silence as I watched him hand over Deidre (who he’d lassoed with his leather belt) to a rather reluctant Teddy.
“Don’t waste your life on something so completely beneath you,” Jonathan called out as Giles firmly ushered him away.
“You ok?” Teddy asked, his voice low and calm.
“Yes, I think so.”
“Good.” He paused. “Right, I should get Deidre back to Agnes. Will you help me?” His tone was beseeching, nervous, his swagger lost for a moment as he realised he was now in sole charge of a goat.
My rational brain was running the show again since I’d gained a little space and was no longer drowning in the depth of Teddy’s pupils. Instead, conflict raged inside me and I knew I should be distancing myself from this twist of emotions, not tangling them up further so they became irrevocably knotted up in my very being. Logic was clear in this case: it was too risky to let my guard down and give in; too messy to contemplate spending any more time in his company. Love and romance were not destined for me. I could see that now. Plus, I was mad at him – mad that he’d not bothered to stay with me the other morning and mad that he’d avoided me all week. And really bloody mad that he’d turned me down and not succumbed to my epically awful seduction techniques. I should most definitely run in the opposite direction and save myself from any more embarrassment. Yet, the lure of him was intoxicating. He exerted a magnetic pull, as if he possessed gravity of his very own, and I was just inconsequential space debris hurtling towards him and my own destruction.
“Sorry, Ted, I think you’ll have to manage on your own.”
And before he could answer, before I could register the surprise that I knew would be there in his expression, I ran away into the growing crowds of people without a backward glance.
* * *
As midday approached, I wandered towards the huge white marquee that held the produce to be judged. I’d spent the last hour or so judiciously avoiding the hay bale tossing – an event that Teddy seemed to be running – and lurked in the shadows of multiple local craft stalls and the large fun fair that was in full swing, keen to avoid running into anyone I knew. But I couldn’t put it off anymore, and as I neared the entrance, a panicked Fiona Fraser came trotting over.
“Ah, Hannah, I was worried you’d run off!” Little did she know that I had perfected running away just recently.
“Nope, here I am.”
“Excellent, excellent.”
“What am I judging?”
“I’ve put you on the kids’ entries with?—”
At that moment, Teddy appeared from the tent entrance, rolling his shirt sleeves up to reveal his corded forearms, long fingers flexing around the folded linen at his elbows. “Mum, what have you roped me into…”
His voice trailed off as he saw me, darting his gaze away when he met mine.
“Edward, there you are. I’ve put you and Hannah together on the kids’ entries. Won’t that be nice.” Her eyebrows lifted and she reached up to pat his cheek.
“Well, that’s probably not a good idea,” I said just as Teddy muttered, “Umm, no, I don’t think so.”
With an irritated look, he ran his hands through his hair. “Do you really need us both? I’m sure Hannah has better things to do.”
There was a subtle barb there, a little dig, aimed at me. I knew I deserved it but it caused a little frisson of annoyance to tingle up my spine. I was avoiding him, yes, but why did it still hurt that he was now trying to avoid me too?
“No, I promised Fiona I would be here.” I let my hair down out of its ponytail, allowing my curtain of defence to fall free and partially cover my face. “But, Ted, as the chief tosser at the hay bale tossing stand, aren’t you missed back there?”
Hedgehog Hannah was coming to the rescue, covering up my hurt with prickly retorts. Normal service had resumed.
“It’s finished for the day. Anyway, given your speed when you ran away earlier, I was sure you’d be entering the charity running race this afternoon. It certainly looked like you were in training for it.”
Teddy’s posture was rigid, his arms folded, and his fingers were drumming an angry beat on his bicep.
Fiona’s head bobbed backwards and forwards between us, like she was watching a tennis match.
“Perhaps, with your great disappearing-act skills, you should offer your services to the magician in the children’s entertainment tent?” Hands on my hips, I glared at him.
Mirroring my expression, he loomed over me. “Perhaps, with your complete lack of communication skills, you shouldn’t be tasked with judging anything.”
“Well, clearly my recent judgement of your character is pretty abysmal – I’ll agree with you on that.”
The hurt and rejection in my tone rang through, stinging my lips with their venom, even though my heart unexpectedly ached as I spoke.
“Thank the Lord, she agrees with me about something!” Teddy said petulantly.
“Ok, ok! Stop! Stop it, you two! J’en peux plus !” Fiona said, exasperated, her French accent thickening in obvious frustration. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’re behaving like small children. You are both judging and that is final. Sort out your differences, like adults. Kiss and make up or something, but stop being so ridiculous! Non mais ca va pas, vous deux !”
Then she stalked away towards the Victoria sponges, shaking her head, and leaving Teddy and me desperately looking anywhere else but at each other.
“She only ever shouts at me in French when she’s really pissed off,” Teddy said, kicking his toe into the dusty grass.
“It’s a first for me to be shouted at in French. Madame Jourdan only ever told me off in English at school, even when she caught me staring at the rugby players in Year Ten rather than working out how to ask for twelve baguettes and a cabbage at the local market in Rouen.”
A small smile quirked over Teddy’s lips.
“I can’t believe you called me a tosser in front of my own mother.”
I fought my face, determined to keep the grumpiness, but it wasn’t working. “If the cap fits.”
“You’re not going to run off again, are you? I’m not qualified to judge the best animal made out of vegetables on my own, you know.”
“Neither am I.”
Teddy chanced a look at me.
“Don’t we make a good team, usually?”
I couldn’t hold his stare and I focussed instead on the long lines holding the marquee in place, fixing my gaze on where the metal peg protruded from the ground.
“We have, on occasion, been known to work well together.”
“On occasion?”
“Yes. When you don’t abandon me like a regretful one-night stand the morning after rejecting me because of my complete lack of attractiveness and seduction skills.”
There, I’d said it. It hung in the air between us, a blackened piece of my soul suspended on a silken thread, fragile, waiting for his affirmation of what I already knew. I held my breath, waiting to be destroyed.
“You think I rejected you the other night?” he asked slowly.
“Yes.”
“Because I didn’t think you were attractive or sexy?”
“Yes.”
Was he going to make me spell out the whole disastrous debacle again? My cheeks flamed with embarrassment.
Should have kept your mouth shut , the tiny, mean gremlin sneered in my head.
“And then you think I abandoned you the next day? That I didn’t want to see you again?”
“Yes! Yes, all of this, Teddy, but it’s fine. We should just leave it, because we’re good as friendly acquaintances, aren’t we? That’s best?”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Hannah.” He was bristling.
“It’s not bullshit if it’s true, Teddy, and you haven’t given me any reason to think otherwise.”
“Hold on, didn’t you read my note? I left it for you the other morning, by the bed?”
My mind flitted back to Aphrodite and the orange juice fiasco, the sodden notepad on the bedside table.
“No.”
He blew out a long sigh. “Well, this explains a lot.”
“It does?” I wasn’t sure what could possibly be in the note that would explain his ghost-like avoidance behaviour. But, whatever.
“Why do you think so little of me?” Teddy demanded, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair.
“What?”
“Why do you immediately jump to the conclusion that I’m some complete arsehole of a human intent on dumping you at any given moment?”
“Because we’re in different leagues. Men like you aren’t seriously interested in women like me. I’m not stupid.”
“That’s debatable.”
“Hey!”
“Do you want to know what was in the note?”
“Does it matter?”
“It matters to me. Maybe it will matter to you, if you just hear me out.”
“All right.” I folded my arms protectively over my chest. “I cannot wait to hear this ground-breaking and poignant prose. Go for it.”
Teddy shot me an irritated glance. “If you’d bothered to read it, you would have known that I had an early flight to Edinburgh from Bristol that morning, to work on the designs for a new visitor centre near Loch Leven, and that the phone reception was really patchy on-site.”
He raised an eyebrow, challenging me to disbelieve him.
“Ok, fine, that’s plausible.”
It was, I suppose.
“And, if you’d not jumped to conclusions that I was such a fucking bastard, and read my words, you would know that I decided not to wake you at 4am because you looked so peaceful and beautiful asleep in my bed. So much so, that I wanted you to stay there forever. That I nearly missed my flight because I didn’t want to leave you.”
He scrubbed his hand up his neck and through his hair again, mussing it so much that my fingers were biting into my arms in an effort not to run my hands through it.
“If you’d actually looked at the carefully written prose, you’d know that turning you down was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life, when all I wanted was to tear your clothes off and devour every inch of you.” He paused and swallowed. “If you’d only taken a moment not to run away from me at every opportunity since we first met, you’d know that I fell in love with you when I was eighteen years old, and not a single other person has held a candle to you since.”
I was aware I was staring.
“Your mouth is hanging open, Hannah.”
With deliberate slowness, I pursed my lips together.
“Any questions? Or should we get on with judging the creations waiting for us in there?” Teddy gestured over his shoulder and into the produce tent.
“Why did you turn me down?” My voice was little more than a whisper. I wished my honey badger would bloody well make an appearance in this, my hour of need, instead of the funny little softly spoken fairy creature I seemed to have become.
“I only turned you down because I don’t want the first time we sleep together to be some drunken fumble on my couch. I want you fully aware of what you’re doing, of what I’m doing to you, and what the hell that means, because”—he leant in close, his breath a soft caress over my skin—“once we do it, I’m never ever letting you run away from me again.”