Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
A s if in a daze, I followed Teddy into the marquee, alive with tumbling feelings that were rocking me off my axis. I stumbled along behind him, barely aware of the stifling heat and press of bodies around us. The brush of his fingers against mine lit up my skin. With a quick glance down, I watched hypnotically as Teddy wrapped my hand in his and guided me through the throng of people towards the far end of the tent. And I was grateful. I felt grounded to this point of contact, the radiation of warmth, the steady stroke of his thumb over my skin, the gentle reassurance as he squeezed my palm.
We stopped in front of the lines of children’s entries – three tables full of gardens on a plate, artwork, flower arrangements and animals made of vegetables – and not for the first time I was immensely glad that Teddy was the one who was in this with me. Expectant parents and wide-eyed youngsters stood around, watching our every move as we perused the offerings, and Teddy murmured things like “What a lovely replica pond in this one, with the little pebbles and the painted waterfall”; or “How about this wonderful drawing of a pony”; or “What an amazing vegetable hedgehog, such inventive use of carrots as spines”.
And I nodded and smiled along with him, agreeing and trying to look as if I was paying attention and not just fixating on how his mouth moved as he spoke, or on the occasional glimpse of his tongue and the salacious memories it evoked, which completely derailed my train of thought.
“What do you think?” Teddy asked.
What I was thinking was not really appropriate for a family audience, so instead I inclined my head and said, “The hedgehog has to win, obviously.”
“I agree. Hedgehogs are definitely my favourite of all animals and are even better in vegetable form. Well done, Oliver, aged four.” Teddy placed the small red card with “first prize” next to the hedgehog, and a squeak of excitement erupted from a blond-haired little boy to his left. Teddy’s answering smile was dazzling. “It’s a great hedgehog, buddy.”
I didn’t know how it was possible for him to become any more attractive, but in that moment he was elevated to top-tier, bestselling romance novel hero, like the most swoonworthy Regency duke you could imagine, and I had to put my hand on the table to stop my knees from buckling. And wasn’t that embarrassing? Because Teddy noticed and gave me a sexy little half-smirk, which didn’t really help matters.
When we had dished out all the certificates, and some special prizes for some particularly young competitors, we finally escaped the tent, stepping back out into the sunshine and leaving the claustrophobic hustle behind.
“Well done, you two.” Fiona appeared out of nowhere. “Glad to see you’re getting on again now.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied, subconsciously stepping away from Teddy, trying to feign indifference. After all, old habits die hard, but I was fooling no one if the smile behind her hand was anything to go by.
Teddy leant down and kissed his mother lightly on the cheek, and she patted his face affectionately.
“You should bring Hannah home for dinner and let us all get to know her a little better.”
“Perhaps.”
He was being cagey, the sideways glance he gave me was anxious and questioning, and I didn’t know how to respond. My whole body was awkward. We hadn’t talked about this, I hadn’t really thought beyond the very real desire to rip his clothes off.
And despite his earlier admission, some little niggles of doubt remained.
“Always so evasive.” Fiona sighed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t ruin this, Edward. She’s an exceptional woman and she’s not going to wait around forever.” And with a smile at me, she turned on her heel and headed back into the marquee.
“I should go.”
“Not unless you have a genuine reason to leave. You’re not running out on me again.” Teddy grabbed my hand. “We’ve been through this.”
“What?” I laughed nervously. “I wasn’t running away.”
I totally was.
“You totally were.” His eyebrows knitted together and his voice took on a growly, seductive tone. “Please don’t run from me.”
“But—”
“I know what’s happening here. My mother inviting us for dinner has fried your brain, hasn’t it?”
“No.” But my head was nodding all the same.
“I thought so.”
Stepping into face me, he ran his knuckles softly down my cheek, his thumb dragging over my bottom lip, his other hand holding me tightly.
“We’re going to do this our way, just you and me. No one else is going to interfere, right?”
“Ok.”
I was being drawn in, leaning forwards, unable to resist, despite all of this being a bad idea.
“Including the little voice in your head telling you that this is a bad idea.”
How does he know about that?
“Because it’s not a bad idea, us being together. It’s the best fucking idea of my whole life, Hannah.”
“Ahh.”
The ability to speak was gone. Kaput. I was just a wobbly mass of feelings and squishy internal organs. So enraptured in the ferocity and heat of his gaze that I couldn’t back away. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than stare back into the dark pools of his eyes.
“Edward?”
The quiet, quavering voice nearby broke the spell, and we both turned as one to see Agnes, looking confused and a little fearful. Her usual twinkle was missing and her body was stooped and frail.
“Have you seen Frank? He said he was coming back, but he hasn’t. I don’t know where he is and I need him.”
“Agnes, it’s me, Teddy. Are you ok?”
He dropped my hand and stepped towards her, touching her shaking shoulder, his large hand dwarfing her thin frame.
“Where is he?”
“Shall we head back to the goats?” I suggested gently, and it was then that Agnes noticed me behind Teddy. A little spark of recognition lit up behind her eyes.
“Hannah?”
“Yes, Agnes. Shall we go and find Deidre?”
“Deidre? Yes.” The vacant look began to dissolve, and the Agnes we knew, the shrewd and intelligent woman with her bright, sharp gaze, returned. “There you two are.”
“Here we are. Is everything ok?”
“Yes,” She replied unsteadily. Perhaps she was still a touch uncertain, fighting through the fog of confusion as she looked at us.
Lacing my arm through hers, I started to steer her back towards the goat stand where a number of children were clambering on the fence and reaching in to pat Deidre. With some of them precariously close to falling into her pen.
“Come on. We’ll help you sort through this rabble, then get you home later. Is that ok?”
“Oh yes, dear, I’d be so grateful. Some of those children are really quite delinquent.”
Teddy laughed and took her other arm in the crook of his elbow, and together we walked back to rescue the goats from being mauled by sticky fingers, and to ensure that Deidre didn’t manage to eat everyone’s ice creams.
* * *
As the end of the day drew to a close and the crowds began to disperse, we tidied away the gazebo and loaded the goats into the back of Teddy’s Land Rover, hefting Deidre’s sizeable bulk into the vehicle alongside her kids and closing the door securely.
“Are you coming, Hannah? I can give you a lift back to the surgery.” Teddy opened the passenger door, and I slid across the bench seat and into the middle where I had to, unavoidably, place my legs either side of the gearstick, while he helped Agnes up next to me.
When he climbed into the driving seat, Teddy’s thigh was very firmly pressed against mine, and with a delightfully naughty smirk, he started the engine and reached between my knees to put the car into gear.
“I really love this car.”
Agnes chuckled softly to my left, and I felt myself set on fire every time Teddy reached to change gear on the fairly short trip back to Abbots Lane.
We dropped Agnes at her house and ensured she had some dinner and all was well again with her, then settled the goats back into the shed, before heading back outside, where the warmth of the day was now more tepid and bearable.
Leaning languidly against his Land Rover, Teddy studied me intently.
“Do you want to come in for a drink, and maybe a bite to eat?”
“Ummm…”
Noticing my hesitation, he smiled and stepped forward.
“It’s up to you, but it could be really nice .”
“ Nice , huh?”
His intonation did not go unnoticed and my heart began to thud wildly in my chest.
“Oh yeah. I’ve got a few advanced lessons on how to be nice that I want to show you.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Umm…”
Teddy laughed, heading for the front door of The Old Rectory.
“You coming?”
I dithered, hopping from foot to foot. I knew this was a pivotal moment. A point of no return. I was either going to throw myself into this head-first or run away and hide, and until my feet began to move, I wasn’t sure which way it would go. But the relief that washed over me as I took Teddy’s hand and stepped over the threshold was all-encompassing.
Teddy closed the door behind us, while I caught sight of myself in the large floor-length antique mirror in the hallway, its scrolled and gilded frame twinkling in the low light of the lamp that sat on the console table by the door. And I was hit with a sudden burst of disgust, the large and uninhibited view of my whole body causing a ripple of revulsion and self-loathing to radiate through me.
“Perhaps this was a bad idea.” I turned my head away, certain now that there was no way that Teddy was being honest with me. This could not be real. It wasn’t possible.
“Look at yourself, Hannah,” Teddy whispered, moving in close behind me, close enough that I could feel his warmth, but not touching me.
“I can’t,” I replied, my eyes cast down to the flagstones at my feet. I scuffed the floor with my sturdy ankle boots.
“Why? What do you see?”
“I don’t like what I see, so it’s better not to look,” I murmured.
My inner turmoil was raging and bubbling intensely.
“Then look at me instead,” he answered softly.
Gently he laced his fingers with mine, holding my left hand tenderly and using his right hand to sweep the long curtain of my hair back. He caressed his way over my shoulder, across my collar bone, the rough pads of his fingers brushing the skin at the opening of my shirt. Slowly, achingly slowly, he inched his hand up my neck, the side of his face now close to mine, breathing softly in my ear, he tipped my chin up with his thumb.
“Look at me, Hannah.”
I glanced up at our reflection, taking in my awkward gawkiness and his glorious self-assuredness as he stood behind me, the breadth of his shoulders against my slim ones, the difference in our height, the slight downward tilt of his head, and the way he pressed his nose into my hair. Our eyes met in the mirror.
“Good. Now keep looking at me, whatever happens, ok?”
“What’s going to happen, Teddy?” I asked breathlessly.
“I’m going to tell you how beautiful you are, and you’re going to believe me,” he replied. “But you’re only to look at me, ok?”
I nodded, captivated by him, by the insistent and persuasive tone of his voice, the feel of his hands on me, and the warmth of his body now pressed against my back.
His hand moved down the column of my throat, his eyes holding mine.
“Your skin is so soft here. I’ve never forgotten how you felt under my lips, how you tasted, Hannah, even after all this time, and the other night only whetted my appetite to taste more of you.”
I swallowed nervously, but I could see no mischievous glint in his expression, only sincerity.
Pressing his nose more firmly against my ear, he nuzzled in, his eyes closing briefly before he glanced back into the mirror.
“And the way you smell, like fresh morning rain, it has me totally spellbound, unable to think of anything else at all.”
His hand was on the move again, upwards, so that he was now caressing my jawline, his thumb brushing my chin, then smoothing over my lips. He let out a little groan, and the noise was soft and sensuous.
“Your lips are incredible, so full and sweet. How you used them to kiss me, Hannah. Better than any porn star, I imagine,” he murmured with a cheeky, lopsided grin, and I couldn’t help but smile, a quiet huff of laughter escaping.
With a gentle insistence, he dragged my lower lip down with his thumb, parting my lips.
“And your mouth, so warm and seductive… You have no idea of the fantasies I’ve had about your mouth, Hannah.”
I shivered, still staring at his eyes, which met mine unflinchingly. Releasing my mouth, he dragged a light grazing touch over my skin, tapping a forefinger gently on the tip of my nose.
“Your nose is impeccably cute and straight, and these freckles are everything.”
“You like my freckles?” I replied, hopeful yet unsure, not wanting to be teased and not yet able to believe.
“Do I like them? Hannah, I want to know every single one. I want to discover every freckle on your body and worship them all. They are unique and beautiful and so perfect that it’s almost impossible to believe that they’re actually real,” he murmured gustily, warm breath tickling down the side of my face as he pressed closer.
“Your hair is the colour of a warm golden sunset, and so soft and silky that I want to run my hands through it all the time. I want to mess it up and feel it fall against my bare skin, Hannah. I want to know how it is to lie back against my pillow and be surrounded by your hair, with you leaning down over me. I want to see how it looks first thing in the morning, when you’ve just woken up after we’ve made love all night in my bed. I want to know if it’s as wild and untamed as I imagine it to be.” Teddy paused and swallowed audibly. “Will you let me see that, Hannah?”
I gazed steadily back at the reflection of his face. His expression was open and sincere, and I saw a deep-seated desire in his returning look. I nodded hesitantly.
“Then, of course, there are your eyes.”
Gently, Teddy used his fingers on my chin to twist my head up and around to the side, leaning me backwards against him. His reverential expression momentarily blinded me.
“I’ve never seen eyes this green, this enchanting. The colour seems to change like magic, showing me everything you’re feeling. Your eyes let me in, even when you try to shut me out. They sparkle with intelligence and kindness, and I don’t think I’ll ever tire of staring into them.”
An infinitesimal movement of his head brought our noses close together. Our breath mingled, lips parting.
“Your face is the only one etched onto my memory, your scent the only one I’ve ever yearned for, your kisses the only ones I’ve replayed thousands of times in my mind. You will never see yourself the way I do, Hannah, I know that, but you should also know that, to me, there is no one more beautiful than you.”
I think it’s safe to say that I was a complete puddle of goo at this point. A person made entirely of liquid and no solid components. Did I think I was beautiful? No. Not even close, but that didn’t matter because this man thought I was. He’d said it. And he meant it. And for this brief moment in time, I’d felt it. I’d actually felt desirable and attractive. I was totally about to jump his bones when suddenly the front door opened and Henry and Clara walked in, and we sprang apart like guilty philanderers caught red-handed.
“Shit, Henry! Don’t you knock?” Teddy said, running his hand through his hair.
“Sorry, but you said to just come straight in with the takeaway.”
Henry looked really uncomfortable and Clara was just bobbing her head backwards and forwards between Teddy and me.
“Let’s put this in the dining room. Come on,” she said quickly, looking up at Henry’s concerned face and taking his hand to lead him away. The relief and love that poured out of him was palpable. I noticed the squeeze of his hand in hers, the nod and the soft smile that he gave her.
I followed their retreating backs enviously. To be so easy and free in someone else’s company, to wilfully, knowingly show how much you are in love with someone by the little gestures. I knew I would always struggle with that, knew that even though Teddy was opening up to me, I would undoubtedly find it difficult to do the same.
Teddy stood woodenly, unmoving except a faint tic in his jaw muscle. His eyes narrowed as he watched me.
“I should go,” I said shakily.
I’d been swept away in the moment and my instincts were screaming at me to slow things down. I needed to let myself breathe and get used to the idea that Teddy might actually be interested in me, and possibly not just for sex. And, perhaps this alien feeling in my chest, which was something rather more special than I would care to admit to, was greater than the obvious desire I felt for him, was secondary to something else, something more serious and frightening? Something I needed to become comfortable with before I shared it with anyone else. Especially Teddy.
“Yeah, perhaps you should just leave.”
“Are you ok?” I asked, surprised by his curt tone.
“Fine. You can see yourself out, right?”
I nodded mutely as he stormed away after Henry and Clara, so that I was left with only a deep-rooted ache for his company, and the debilitating feeling that I’d unknowingly broken something truly rare and beautiful.