15. Han’some Valentine
The voice in my head wouldn’t shut the fuck up for even a second to let me breathe.
Instead, my mind kept replaying Koi saying she wasn’t happy about being pregnant.
Children were a blessing from above, and considering she knew how much a family of my own meant to me, I expected her to take the news better.
But she hadn’t, and I was left questioning everything.
Was she not happy because she didn’t think I would be a good enough father?
Was she not completely committed to our marriage and would one day walk away with my heart in her hands?
Was she regretting her decision to get involved with me because she didn’t have genuine feelings for me?
I yanked the fitted sheet down around the corner of the mattress at just the possibility.
I shook my head with a deep sigh. There was no way she could be faking her feelings.
She wore them on her sleeve for the world to see.
Whenever we were around each other, we were sucked into a dimension where only our consciousnesses resided, and neither hands nor attention were kept from one another.
That girl had become my entire world in a short amount of time.
I wasn’t too macho to admit that, in my opinion, no good day started without her being in my arms.
The thoughts continued to come while I busied my hands with making our bed. Koi hadn’t come out of the bathroom yet, and I wondered if her mind was as chaotic as mine. Glancing at the door, I wished I had the ability to see what was happening on the other side.
Once everything was in place the way we liked it, I sat on the edge and waited.
On one hand, I could give her space, but my heart ached at the thought of there being any distance between us.
So, that meant the only option I had was to respect her enough to be okay with whatever decision she made regarding the child we’d created.
I slowly lifted my eyes toward the bathroom when I heard the door crack open.
Koi paused in the doorway when she saw me waiting for her.
She wore a pink, silk pajama short set with a floral-designed bonnet on her head.
Below her eyes were two patches to keep the skin there looking youthful and plump.
Just seeing her in our bedroom dressed like that made me certain that I could never be away from this woman.
I was happiest to see her in her most natural state, and I still felt nothing but awe because her beauty radiated brighter than any star, planet, or moon.
I watched her chest rise and fall and her little fists clench at her side. “Come here,” I requested in a gentle voice. My intention was not to create strife between us, so being soft was the only solution.
She gulped loudly, glancing toward the door and probably wondering if she could escape first. I couldn’t make the choice for her, so I sat and waited.
Waited while every inhale burned like cognac.
Waited while tears burned the back of my eyes in fear of what her choice would be.
Waited while the future hung in the balance, heavier than a ton of bricks.
Just as I was ready to give up hope, she pivoted toward me and slowly made her way over.
I sighed in relief as she got closer. I opened my arms, and she crawled in my lap.
While her nose found a home in the crook of my neck, my arms anchored around her just to pull her deeper into my body.
One whiff of her perfume was enough to settle my nerves and place me in a lethargic state.
No matter what came next, Koi would still have my heart, and she could do whatever she wanted with it—even if her choice was to walk all over it.
I didn’t realize she was crying at first, but her sniffles grew increasingly louder and more violent. “Talk to me,” I begged, in need of her vulnerability. Because honestly, her silence was much scarier than her tears.
“It just all feels too fast,” she confessed in a soft voice.
“We just got married and gained partial custody of Skye. I just started working with Galaxy and being able to experience real freedom. And now there’s a baby .
. . I’m not sad because this happened; I’m sad because it doesn’t feel like the right time. ”
My heartstrings tightened, and I had to rest my forehead on her shoulder to steady myself.
Even though I’d decided to accept whatever choice she made, it didn’t feel good to hear.
It actually hurt like hell, and as her man, I had to take it on the chin because she was right.
I’d come into her life like a wrecking ball that offered one life yet produced something more consuming and all-encompassing.
From the day we started, it was all or nothing with us, and we both dove in head fucking first.
My voice was trapped beneath the heaviness weighing on my heart, forcing me to keep quiet. “Like, can you really sit here and say you’re ready to have another child? Ready for more responsibility so soon?”
I slowly lifted my head to find her eyes boring into me with fire.
“Even if I wasn’t, I would get ready, Adora.
A nigga is blessed, so why would I complain about getting the things I want?
” She glanced away, but I still saw a tear cascade down her cheek.
I wiped it away then palmed her face to force her to look at me.
“Koi Adora, I promise you, I am so serious about us. I need this marriage like a cloud needs rain and a lost child needs a rainbow. I know it’s happening fast, and it feels like too much, but that’s because you haven’t heard my prayers.
I’ve been alone for most of my life. Having you, Skye, and potentially another child feels like God finally remembered me.
” My voice cracked because I was laying my entire heart on the line right now, and I had no control over how she chose to respond.
“I can’t promise you a perfect life, because I’m me, but I can promise you a life you won’t regret when you take your last breath. ”
I didn’t realize I was crying until she wiped my tears away. The longer she stared into my eyes, the harder it was to hold it together, and the harder it became to fucking breathe.
“Okay,” she replied so low, I almost thought I dreamt it.
“Huh?”
“I said okay. I believe you,” she said in a steadier and louder tone.
All I could do was cry and nod. “I promise I got you, Koi. I promise I have you and my children. You will have no worries, because I will shoulder them all, so long as you’re the one holding my hand through every storm.”