Chapter 9
GAbrIEL
The muscles in my arms burn as I shove the bar up from my chest. I hold it there for a few seconds before lowering it back down. My breath hisses through my teeth, and my arms shake, muscles straining to keep the weight up.
I adjust my legs, widening my stance, and pressing down on my heels to give me a more solid base as I repeat the motion.
Up. Down. Up. Down.
A muscle jumps in my bicep. I ignore it and do another rep.
Again.
Come on.
My biceps scream out for relief. Jaw tight, I glare at the bar nestled between my fists and struggle through it.
Fuck.
A sharp stab of pain spears into my shoulders. Almost there. Arching my back off the bench, I bare my teeth and shove up until the pain becomes unbearable. My lips peel back from my teeth in a feral grin.
What I’m feeling now is the reason I came here. I love lifting. The strain and agony it puts my body through. The sheer effort and determination it demands from me.
Pressing up again, I know I won’t be able to bench press another round, so I tilt my wrists back and set the bar on the rack.
Metal clanks against metal and I grunt, swinging myself into a sitting position.
Fatigue sweeps through me. So close. Another twenty minutes in the gym and I’ll wear myself out enough to crash as soon as my face hits my pillow. And then, bliss.
“Damn, bro. What are you benching?”
Using the front of my shirt to wipe the sweat from my brow, I look back at the bar and shrug.
“I don’t know,” I tell Felix. “Didn’t bother to count.
” There’s a small bite of pain working its way down my spine and I consider ignoring it.
All I want to do right now is catch my breath and then go at it some more.
I close my eyes and sink into the pain, eager to feel something physical. I’m damn near desperate for the distraction. Most of the time, hitting the gym is enough to take my mind off things. It’s always been there to clear my head. But the shit storm brewing in my mind refuses to go away.
“You didn’t count?”
I shake my head. “Nah.”
After leaving Cecilia at the pool, I came straight here to the gym on campus.
I needed to work off some steam. Didn’t really care how I did it.
So, when I sat down to bench, I threw on my usual plates and started, but it wasn’t enough.
Three reps in, I needed more, so I added them.
A few reps after that, I added another plate.
I benched and added, and benched and added, until it hurt. Until I could stop thinking about the pain in my chest and could focus on the ache in my muscles instead.
Felix cants his head to the side, his lips moving as he wordlessly counts. “Savage, man. You’ve got two-twenty racked up.”
I shrug. It could have been three hundred and I wouldn’t care.
I’m not here to show off or to get any sort of praise.
In fact, I’d be a hell of a lot happier right now if I were alone, but one look at Felix lets me know that isn’t going to happen.
He’s still staring at the bar, a somber expression on his face.
I don’t have time for him to read into my shit, so I grab the water bottle I left beside my gym bag and chug half its contents while I try to come up with a reason to get him out of here.
“Any particular reason you're here when it’s not one of our scheduled training days?”
“Nope.”
His brows furrow and he peers over at me. “Alright. Wanna explain why you’re being an idiot and maxing out weights without anyone to spot you?”
“Not particularly.”
I tug off my shirt and use it to wipe the sweat from my neck and shoulders.
Felix sighs solemnly. “Is this about Carlos?”
I throw my shirt in his face and shove to my feet. “I’ll catch you later.”
Of course, escaping my best friend isn’t that easy. Felix is hot on my heels as I storm out of the gym. “We made a deal, asshole,” he calls out behind me. I ignore him. This isn’t the same thing.
Felix runs to catch up and stops in front of me, shoving me back before stabbing his finger into my chest. “We have an agreement, cabrón.” Fucker. “You can’t just all of a sudden decide to go back on it. That’s not how family works.”
I bark out a laugh. “Fuck you, Felix.”
He pulls back like I hit him. “What the hell is your deal, man?”
My mouth fills with acid. Fuck! Felix doesn’t deserve my anger. I know he’s only looking out, but I can’t deal with this shit right now.
“Nothing,” I brush past him, my shoulder knocking into his. “Forget what I said. I gotta go.”
Felix makes no move to follow me, and I exhale a breath of relief as I cut across the parking lot to where I left my bike. I throw my leg over my Cbr1000 and reach for my helmet when Felix calls out, “Your ass better be going straight to the Pier.”
I glance in his direction, shielding my face from the sun as I shake my head.
He walks toward me. I consider throwing on my helmet and just getting the hell out of there, but I know how Felix operates, and his bike is parked only a few spots away.
He’ll chase my ass and tail me around town until I give up and stop running.
His persistence is one of the fuckers best qualities.
It’s also what makes him so damn frustrating to deal with sometimes.
“I’ll meet up with you later,” I say, but judging by the look on his face, he’s not having it.
“Not good enough. Bad shit is going on in that head of yours. I already messaged Julio—“
“Dammit.”
“—and he’s on his way. You know the deal.”
I tilt my head back and stare up at the sky, ignoring the blinding sun as I silently curse the universe for giving me good fucking friends.
Felix stands there and waits, knowing I’ll give in and do what he’s asking.
That was the deal we made. When shit gets hard, we meet at the Pier. Nothing and no one can touch us there.
We stumbled upon it one day when we were kids, out riding our bikes. I think we were maybe twelve at the time, and back then we thought it was the coolest place on the planet.
It's not anything special. An oversized dock with rickety planks that juts out from shore. There used to be restaurants, shopping, and even an arcade, but all of the businesses are boarded up now. And have been since long before we found it. It’s Richland’s very own mini ghost town. But for us, it’s a sanctuary.
Only this time is different.
I don’t need a heart-to-heart with my boys about a break-up. Or advice about how to navigate my parents’ divorce.
What I need right now is to be alone. Not at the Pier. Not working through my feelings. I want to figure out how to stop feeling like this. Like my heart is seconds away from tearing a hole in my chest.
It’s pure fucking agony.
This feeling consumes every viable part of me. Shredding my skin. Eviscerating my soul. I can’t deal with it right now. And I sure as shit don’t want to talk about it.
All I can think about is finding my brother. About losing my other fucking half. He killed a part of me too that day, and I’m drowning in the loss all over again. Relieving the days that led up to his death. The fights. The secrets. The vile words we threw at one another.
I didn’t realize the shit he was going through. I thought he was being stupid. Reckless. He never opened up. He was like a fucking tornado that entire last year. Blowing in and out however he pleased, uncaring of the destruction he left in his wake.
But when he needed me, when he all but begged me for help, I didn’t hear him. I ignored the signs. I knew shit was bad. But there was no way to know what he was going to do.
But I should have. I knew Carlos better than anyone else. I should have seen it. Should have known he was steps away from walking off the cliff.
Between the drugs and the parties, it was obvious he was spiraling. But we all assumed he’d bounce back. Sooner or later, he’d hit rock bottom. And I told myself when he did, I’d be there to help him up. He was my brother. I had his back. Always. No matter what.
Until I fucking didn’t.
My hands clench around the helmet in my hands. I’m so pissed at him for what he did. He left. Took the coward’s way out without so much as a backwards glance.
But I miss him. And I’m furious with myself for not finding a way to make him stay.
“Gabe—“ Felix’s expression softens.
Shit. How long have I been in my own head?
“Twenty-minutes. That’s all we’re giving you.”
I stare at my friend in confusion. Did I ask that out loud?
“Ride. Blow off some steam. But if you’re not there in twenty, we’re coming after you.”
I huff out a breath and give in before my composure has a chance to slip any further.
“Fine.” A cold breeze blows around me, but I barely register it despite my naked chest. Throwing on my helmet, I kick up my kickstand and start the engine.
Felix takes a few steps back, giving me room to maneuver the bike before I clamp down on the clutch, hit the gas, and tear out of there.
Wind slams into me and I hunch my shoulders forward, hugging the gas tank between my thighs as I weave through traffic, searching for the exit that will take me on the outer loop of town.
As soon as I’ve escaped the highway, I gun the gas and fly forward, everything around me morphing into a blur. I don’t want to think about shit with my brother, but now Cecilia is here and I’m drowning all over again.
I don’t know if I can help her. And it’s pretty clear she doesn’t want me to. But, I think I owe it to my brother to try.