Chapter 10
CECILIA
Idon’t see Gabriel the rest of the week. If I had to guess, it’s intentional on his part. He’s avoiding me. Not that I let myself dwell on it, or on his words from Monday at the pool.
I just … can’t. Not when I’m barely keeping my shit together.
I’m losing time. It’s happened before, but this time it’s worse.
One second, I’m changing back into my clothes in the women’s locker room, and the next I’m home, lying in my bed.
I don’t remember the drive. Or getting home and walking up the stairs to my room. I don’t remember any of it.
I lost over an hour that day. But what’s more concerning are the days after.
There’s something wrong with me. It’s like I’m in a haze.
I don’t recall attending my classes last week.
I have notes so I was there, and I must have paid attention.
But, I don’t remember any of it. Not the lectures. The assignments. Nothing.
I eat little and I sleep even less. Neither of which are new. Not since … well, you know. But this seems worse. I barely remember last week and the weekend is little more than a blur. I’m pretty sure I stayed in my room for most of it, not bothering to venture out for even a swim.
I think Mom talked to me at some point, but I have no clue what about.
Rationally, I know I should tell someone. I do. But I know what comes next and it’s not something I want to deal with right now. I’m still trying to find a sense of normalcy, and I can’t handle the freak out that will ensue if I tell my parents what’s going on with me. They worry enough as it is.
Better to just add this to my already long list of things I’m choosing to ignore. I’m aware it’s not healthy, but it’s life. Sometimes you just suck it up to survive.
Sighing, I grab my bag and cut across the parking lot to my first class of the day. I’ve been walking into the communications building each day in an exhausted state of paranoia, just waiting for Austin to jump out at me.
We don’t have any classes together. Thank god. But we both have morning classes in this building, making him virtually impossible to avoid.
Holding my breath, my gaze darts around the hallway, but there’s no sign of him. Not taking any chances, I dart through the halls, careful to keep my head down.
Foreboding niggles at me with each step I take and as I turn the first corner I catch sight of Austin. Shit.
“CeCe,” he calls out, immediately spotting me.
I force my feet into motion, increasing my pace.
“Aww, don’t be like that.” Austin falls into step beside me, hands tucked into his pockets.
Speed walking now, I try to out-pace him, but he easily keeps up thanks to his long-legged stride.
“I’m digging this hobo vibe you’ve got going on.” He flicks the collar of my shirt and I rear back, my skin crawling.
“Don’t touch me.”
Anger flashes in his eyes and Austin does more than touch me when he spins me around and slams me back against the wall. I suck in a pained gasp and my eyes dart left to right, waiting for someone to notice what he did.
But no one does. Everybody here is too worried about getting to their own classes on time to bother paying attention to anything we’re doing.
“Austin?” The plea in my tone is evident, though I’m not sure what I’m asking for.
He steps close to me, bracing his hands on the wall behind me as he cages me in. “Are we going to have a problem, Cece?”
My face heats up at the reality of being cornered like this. Why does no one say anything?
“No.” I shake my head. Tugging on the open lapels of my flannel, I cross my arms and hug the material around my chest, as if the added layer of fabric can ward him off.
I’m eye level with Austin’s jaw and I watch through my peripheral as a muscle ticks.
I haven’t looked at his face and I can tell it bothers him. Austin isn’t used to being ignored. As one of PacNorth’s star athletes and a member of Zeta Pi—the largest fraternity on campus—he’s used to women fawning over him, desperate for any crumb of his attention.
Sucks for him because he’ll never get that sort of reception from me.
Dropping his hands from the wall, he places one on my hip, fingers digging into my flesh in warning.
I flinch, barely managing to keep myself still. Panic rises in my chest.
Auston chuckles, seeing my reaction and leans into me. “See that we don’t.” His breath fans across my neck and ear like he’s sharing a secret. I fight back a shudder and wait for him to move now that he’s terrorized me for the day. Mission accomplished. Only he doesn’t step away.
His fingers flex on my hip again.
“Austin,” I warn.
His lips ghost across my neck. It’s a move intended to remind me of my place. That he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, and I can’t stop him.
This time, I do shudder.
He chuckles, enjoying my reaction.
“You might pretend you’re not interested but I remember the way your body responded to mine.”
I hold myself perfectly still, praying he’ll step back and release me. Of course, it’s never that easy. This is how he gets his kicks. Posturing. Intimidation. A proverbial game of cat and mouse.
“You liked me touching you, didn’t you?”
Swallowing hard, I shake my head and tears prick the corners of my eyes. No. I very much did not like him touching me. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
I want to give voice to my denial, but more than that, I want to get the hell away from him, and keeping my mouth shut is the quickest path to that outcome.
I turn my head, desperate for someone, anyone to intervene when I catch sight of a familiar face. Kim. She stands a few class doors down from us but her attention is focused solely on me. Her lip curls in disgust, like Austin pinning me to the wall somehow confirms her original doubts.
I shake my head, my gaze pleading with her to understand it’s not like that. I don’t want him.
Austin looks over his shoulder, following my gaze. “She was fun,” he says. “But she’s served her purpose. Time to move on.”
I choke on my own spit and he turns his attention back to me.
“Look at me,” he demands.
I take a deep breath before shaking my head.
At my refusal, Austin cups my jaw, and forcefully tilts my chin up to meet his gaze.
To anyone else, the action would look sweet.
Two lovers sharing a moment. He strokes the side of my face and offers me a cruel smile, enjoying how uncomfortable his touch makes me.
The glint in his eyes wreaks havoc on my nerves, but he gets whatever reaction he’s looking for because he finally steps away, giving me space to breathe.
“Better run before I get any ideas,” he laughs.
Not giving him the chance to change his mind, I bolt for my class, ignoring Kim’s furious expression as I all but run past her. That I’m doing exactly what he said, running, makes no difference. I just want to get away.
Austin’s loud laugh echoes behind me and I rub my arms as goosebumps break out over my skin.
Not seeing him over the last part of summer break has left me ill-equipped for the reality of facing my attacker every single day. Especially when he enjoys cornering me at every opportunity.
PacNorth boasts over thirteen thousand students. I don’t know or even recognize the good majority of the people going here, yet I still can’t seem to escape him.
Fate is a fickle bitch, and I swear she likes to screw with me.
Even now, what should be a beautiful day is tainted by only one interaction. I chance a glance over my shoulder. He’s right where I left him, a wide smile on his too handsome face like he was just waiting for me to look his way. Austin doesn’t have a care in the world, and I hate it. Hate him.
Sliding into class, I take a seat toward the back of the room before checking to see how much time I have before class begins. Five minutes.
My classmates filter into the room, taking their time as they loiter with friends. My cell phone buzzes in my pocket and a quick glance at the screen shows me I have two new messages. The first is from my mom.
Mom: Have a wonderful day! Maybe after your classes we can do lunch!
I sigh, and ignore it.
Mom hovers a lot. She hides it under the guise of bonding, but if she’s not working or otherwise occupied, her favorite place to be is glued to my hip.
I’m letting it be for now, pretending I believe her when she says she wants my opinion on a dress so I need to go shopping with her.
Or when she says my father refuses to watch a particular rom com with her and would I please hang out in the living room so she isn’t forced to watch it alone.
For the record, my father has never said no to a thing that woman has ever asked for. My dad loves my mom. It can be gag-inducing at times, just how much they love each other, so I know when she uses lines like that, that Dad refused her some random inconvenient thing, that she’s full of crap.
But I pretend to be offended on her behalf and sit beside her while she munches on popcorn and fake cries at all the lovey-dovey parts. She probably thinks spending time together helps me.
It doesn’t.
The second message is an unwelcome surprise. I didn’t even know she had my new number.
Kim: We’ve barely broken up and already you’re moving in on him? Get a life, Cecilia!
My blood heats but, before I can decide how to respond, a hush falls over the classroom, and I look up in time to see Gabriel walk in. Our eyes meet and he doesn’t look at all surprised to see me. In fact, without missing a beat, he heads straight for me, stopping beside the empty seat on my left.
“This seat taken?” he asks.
Not giving me a chance to reply, he drops down into the chair and my heart chooses that moment to kick start into action, punching me in the ribs as it pounds inside my chest.
He slips his backpack off his shoulder, setting it down beside him before he props his feet on the back of the chair in front of him as he settles in. My brows furrow. Is he lost? Gabriel isn’t in this class, but with the way he’s relaxing, it seems like he thinks he is.