Chapter 17
CECILIA
Silence stretches between us, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. I peer up into Gabriel’s eyes and, for a moment, it’s like he sees me. The real me. Not the mask I put on to go out into the world.
I don’t know his motives. He says he wants to help, but I still don’t understand why he even cares. But I realize none of it really matters. Not now.
We’re staring at one another so intensely that I catch the second his frustration and anguish bleed from his gaze, quickly replaced with something else. Something more.
I swallow hard and my body immediately responds to the heat building behind his eyes, to the want reflected in his gaze.
My nipples pebble beneath my shirt and my heart races inside my chest, my body coming alive for him. I thought maybe the kiss on my Jeep was a fluke. But this only confirms what I questioned before. I like him. Okay, maybe like is too strong a word. But I’m attracted to him.
I haven’t felt like this in months. Not since—before.
I wondered if I could feel like this about a guy again, and part of me doesn’t want to second guess it.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he warns.
Butterflies dance in my stomach and my tongue darts out to moisten my dry lips as anticipation builds inside me.
He eyes me intently, holding himself entirely still until I give him a barely discernible nod.
It’s all the permission he needs, and he closes the distance between us, pressing his full lips to mine.
My eyes close on instinct and I sag against him as his hands hold me firmly to his chest. He presses his tongue to the seam of my lips and I respond to his silent question, opening for him and meeting his tongue with my own.
Gabriel groans in the base of his throat and angles his head to deepen the kiss. A move I’m eager to reciprocate.
His lips are unhurried. Tender. I melt against him and, like in the school parking lot, he bends to grab the backs of my thighs, hoisting me up and into his arms.
My arms wind around his neck and I wrap my legs around his narrow waist, pressing myself against him. Gabriel moans into my mouth and carries me over to my bed, his lips never once leaving mine.
Dropping one knee on the mattress, he lays me back, all the while kissing me, caressing me. My body sinks into the comforter and I freeze, locking up at the feel of his strong, powerful frame hovering over mine.
I can’t help my reaction. Squeezing my eyes closed, I count to ten in a desperate attempt to talk myself down. Gabriel doesn’t notice at first. He continues to kiss me, trailing his lips across my cheek and along my jawline. One hand holds my hip, pressing me down, pinning me in place.
I can’t… I open and close my mouth, struggling to breathe.
Panic rises in my chest and my breaths come out as heavy pants. Gabriel shifts his weight, moving his position to settle himself beside me.
He props himself up on one elbow while his other arm curls around my hip, tugging me close as he rolls me to my side to face him.
“Hey,” he whispers against my lips. “We’re not going any further than this.
” His words are meant to reassure me, but I’m having a hard time getting enough air into my lungs.
I swallow hard and open my eyes, peering up at him between my lashes.
He lifts a hand and strokes his thumb along my jaw, eyes filled with concern.
“I’m sorry.” My cheeks burn and I look away, but his hand cupping my jaw draws my attention back to him.
“Don’t apologize,” he says. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m not here to get in your pants. That’s not what I’m after.”
My brows furrow together. “It’s not?”
He barks out a laugh and presses a quick kiss to my lips, unraveling the knot of tension inside me.
“I mean, I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about it.
” He waggles his brows and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
“But we’ll move at your pace. Whatever it might be.
This, us, it’s new,” he tells me, reaching down to lace the fingers of his hand with mine.
“We don’t have to rush things. I'll be happy if you let me hold you.” He presses another quick kiss to my lips. “And happier if I can kiss you.”
I worry my bottom lip, looking down at our entwined hands. I don’t want to over analyze what this means. He’s kissed me twice now. But that doesn’t mean this is a relationship. I’ve never done casual, but maybe casual is exactly what I need.
“We don’t need to take anything further than that,” Gabriel assures me.
“I—” His expression is tight, almost hopeful, as he waits for me to respond, but I don’t know how to put words to what I want to say.
Gabriel is infuriating, but there’s no denying I’m attracted to him.
That he brings out this side of me that I had buried away.
He pushes me, gets under my skin. But more importantly, he makes me feel alive.
“What if I want to do more?” I ask.
His adam’s apple bobs in his throat and he tucks a loose tendril of hair behind my ears. “I don’t think—“
“Please.” My eyes stay locked on his and electricity crackles between us as indecision plays out across his face. I want to chase this feeling. To know I’m not broken beyond repair, and I think Gabriel can give me that.
“You said we could be broken together,” I remind him.
His gaze rakes over my face, looking for any sign of indecision, but he won’t find one. I’m sure about this, or at least as sure as I can be.
He licks his lips and his eyes flick to my mouth, a hungry look taking over his expression. “Are you sure?” His voice is husky and I squeeze my legs together as I nod in confirmation.
“Yes.”
“We’re not having sex.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he raises one hand to stop me.
“I’m not saying I don’t want to.” He pulls me impossibly close, pressing the hard length of his erection against my abdomen to show me the extent of his desire. “But, you’re not ready. And I’m not going to take advantage of you.”
I chew on my bottom lip, feeling the sting of his rejection, but nod my head anyway, accepting defeat until he adds, “That doesn’t mean I can’t make you feel good.”
My head jerks up and he grins.
“Would you like that?” he asks. “You want me to make you feel good?”