Chapter 27 #2
My pathetic confession hangs heavy between us. Admitting it out loud doesn’t grant the respite I think either of us hoped for. It only intensifies the crushing weight on my chest. Why do people think talking about this kind of shit will make them feel better? It doesn’t.
Fuck.
I rub a hand over my chest.
It hurts. This feeling. It fucking hurts, and I need to figure out some way to make it go away.
Julio squeezes my shoulder, tone softening. “Damn. I’m sorry, man. I know how much she meant to you.”
Does he, though? My throat tightens around the bitter lump expanding inside my throat. Cecilia isn’t some casual fling I can move on from overnight. She’s so much more than that. She’s … everything.
“I thought we had something real. Something that could go the distance.” My voice cracks on the admission.
But I saw a future with this girl. “I know she has shit to deal with. Of course, I know that. But …” I hang my head.
“It felt real. It felt like more than just … I don’t know.
” I rub the back of my neck. “Guess it was all one-sided. Whatever it was. She made it crystal clear where she stands.”
Julio nods, eyes shining with sympathy. “I know it’s hard to hear, but maybe this is a good thing. I hate to see you hurting like this. We all do. But you said it yourself, she’s got her own shit to work through. Letting her go sounds like the right call.”
I jerk sharply out of his grasp. “Letting her go?” I repeat incredulously. As if my feelings for Cecilia can be boxed up and set aside like this week’s trash. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
His dark brows draw together.
I’m not letting her go. Julio’s one of my best friends. He’s not supposed to tell me to move on. He’s supposed to, I don’t know, give me advice or some shit on how to get her back.
“You’re an asshole,” I tell him.
Resentment simmers in my veins. I know why Cecilia is pushing me away. She’s scared of needing someone. Scared of relying on me too much to keep her demons at bay.
But she shouldn’t be. And yeah, she ended shit, but I’m not giving up on us that easily. Right?
Right.
The more and more I think about it, the more determination settles in my bones. I’m not going to just lie down and let her push me out of her life. Not when she’s shut out everyone else around her.
She doesn’t get to dictate my feelings.
This is bullshit.
I refuse to be just another person who’s abandoned her when things get too hard. I’m not about to be added to the growing list of people she can’t depend on or open up to. Nah. Not happening.
Cecilia’s let me in before.
An idea forms in my mind.
She’ll let me in again. This is only a setback. Cecilia needs to know I won’t bail. That I’ll put in the work. That I’ll be there when she needs me, no matter what.
“You don’t get it.” If anyone could understand, I thought it’d be Julio. “She needs me right now, even if she won’t admit it. I can break through her walls again if I try hard enough. I can fix this. Fix … us.”
My voice trails off as I realize how weak and desperate I sound.
I don’t care.
Cecilia is worth fighting for. What we have, it’s worth going all in on. I have to believe that. Because, fuck, I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on myself if I don’t.
Julio’s shoulders slump in defeat, and he walks back to the door with a heavy sigh. “I know you love her,” he tells me.
If he knew what I felt for her, he wouldn’t tell me to let her go.
“But don’t let this destroy you, too. Not after how much you’ve been through. How far you’ve come.”
My jaw flexes.
He hesitates by the door, turning back to face me.
Doubt shadows his dark brown eyes and I can see how much he’s weighing his words.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but moving on is for the best. I truly believe that.
You’ve already been through hell yourself.
With your brother. And then all the bullshit with your parents.
Taking on Cecilia’s trauma too—” He shakes his head.
“That’s a lot for anyone to handle. Even you.
You’re not invincible, Gabriel. You bleed red just like the rest of us. ”
My jaw clenches, teeth grinding together hard enough that pain shoots up behind my eyes. But I remain silent. I let him speak his mind, as misguided as he is. Julio needs to get it out of his system.
He runs a hand through his short-cropped hair.
“I’m just saying, sometimes love means knowing when to walk away.
Cecilia has a mountain of issues to work out alone before she can handle being in a relationship again.
Sometimes it’s just …” He hesitates. “The right girl and the wrong time.” I get the feeling we’re not only talking about my relationship now.
“She doesn’t have to go through it alone. Not when she has me.”
He nods his head and gives me a sympathetic look. “You’re my best friend. My brother. I don’t want to see you wrecked when you win her back, only for her to break it off again later on down the road. It’ll hurt that much more. We both know that girl isn’t ready for anything serious right now.”
I stare back at him, anger simmering beneath my skin even as I fight to keep my expression carefully blank.
I don’t want him to know how much this hurts—his lack of support.
How it fucking guts me. Because yeah, he is my best friend.
My brother. We’re ride or die. Familia to the bitter end.
Which is what makes all of this that much worse.
After a painfully long moment, Julio turns back to the door with a disappointed shake of his head. “Just think it over,” he says quietly. “Sometimes it’s better to make a clean break now than to drag it out. It’ll save both of you a lot of pain in the end.”