Chapter 28
CECILIA
“You can do this,” I remind myself, clutching my books tighter to my chest. The bell is going to ring any minute, which means if I don’t walk inside right now, I’m going to be late.
I can do this. Deep breaths. Things are going to get better.
I know they will.
Right? I mean. They have to. Gabriel can’t hate me forever, right?
God, I hope not.
Sucking in a lungful of air, I walk toward my first class, eyes glued to my feet.
I bump into a hard body, and my heartbeat stutters. An involuntary reaction.
A knot forms in the pit of my stomach.
Before I can react, large hands grip my upper arms to steady me. Revulsion spirals through me at the unwanted touch, and I wrench myself away, skin crawling.
Breathe. I remind myself. You’re at school. It’s fine. Just breathe.
“Sorry. Excuse me,” I choke out, trying not to let this frazzle me, but when I look up to see who I ran into, I recoil.
Austin Holt leers down at me, blocking my path. I jump, barely stifling a shriek as he looms over me, his hulking frame casting me in shadow. I can’t breathe with the heavy weight of his stare dragging over me.
No.
What does he want from me now?
I cross my arms, hugging myself tight as I retreat further into the corner in a vain attempt to make myself smaller.
Invisible.
Anything to avoid notice.
But I’m never that lucky.
Nausea and panic rise like twin tides set to drown me. I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting to stay afloat amidst the waves. His cologne assails my senses. It’s thick and cloying. Like an Axe body spray commercial gone wrong.
Memories flicker across my closed eyelids.
Hands pulling at my clothes. A heavy weight pinning me down to the bed.
No. No. No.
Do not go there. You’re not there. You’re here. At school. You’re safe. Austin can’t hurt you here.
Except, he already has.
Just a few weeks ago, Austin slammed my head into the wall outside the campus pool. Both in retaliation and warning.
He doesn’t care where he is when he hurts me or who might see it. An audience doesn’t stop Austin. It never has. In fact, I’m almost certain he craves the attention. The impunity.
I can’t breathe. I can’t—
“Cece,” he drops his voice low in an almost seductive drawl. “Fancy seeing you here.” An arrogant smirk twists his mouth, and I tighten my arms around myself, fighting off a shiver.
He reaches a hand toward me, and I take an involuntary step back, sinking into the nearby wall. My heart pounds in my chest. Why won’t he just leave me alone? I can’t— I shake my head. I just can’t. Not today. Not ever.
Fuck.
I avoid his probing gaze.
Austin scrutinizes me like I’m a butterfly pinned to the wall.
Maybe if I refuse to engage, he’ll get bored and move on. That’s it. I just have to keep it together long enough for him to get bored. Austin wants a reaction out of me.
I won’t give him one.
“Aw, don’t be like that,” he croons, planting one muscular arm on the wall beside my head. He leans in close enough for me to get another whiff of his cologne. To see the blond stubble lining his jaw.
I clench my teeth to keep them from chattering and stare at the stupid puka shell necklace around his neck.
Austin presses into me until my back is flush with the wall, caging me in place as students rush by, oblivious. Their voices fade into the background noise beneath the roaring of blood in my ears.
They see us. Of course they do. But with the way we’re positioned, Austin and I look like secret lovers.
They don’t see him as the monster and me, his unwilling victim.
But that’s exactly what we are. Austin Holt will never be anything but the monster in my nightmares, and I hate him for it.
I hate him for breaking me. For stealing bits and pieces of who I am.
For turning me into this … this shell of a person. He ruined everything.
I swallow down my scream.
He ruined me.
The urge to cry for help overwhelms me, but fear locks up my throat, leaving me mute and trembling.
Austin’s smile twists cruelly as he places a fingertip beneath my chin and forces my eyes up to meet the arctic chill of his pale blue gaze.
“Wha… wha… what do you want?” I stumble over the words.
Dammit. I’m stronger than this.
Don’t show him your fear. Don’t give him what he wants.
Austin’s fingers shift until he’s cupping my jaw, but the hold isn’t gentle. It’s possessive. Controlling. Bile rises in my throat.
“I’ve been thinking about you,” he says. “Have you been thinking about me, too? About our night together?”
Tears well in my eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately. Especially since you’ve needed near constant reminders about our little …” he pauses until my eyes flicker to his, fingers digging painfully into my skin, “arrangement.”
His breath ghosts over my cheek as he leans in to whisper near my ear, “I’d hate to resort to more extreme measures to keep this pretty little mouth shut, Cece. So tell me, are you behaving yourself? Or should we revisit our night together? You know, for old times’ sake.”
Tears blur my vision, but I blink them back, refusing to show any more weakness in front of this monster than I already have.
His finger trails from my chin down my throat in a perverse caress.
Revulsion and nausea roil inside me.
“I’m doing what you asked,” I choke out in a ragged whisper.
“I’ve kept my mouth shut. I haven’t said a word since …
” I trail off, unable to get the words out, but he knows what I mean.
He knows I haven’t said a word about the assault since the morning after it happened.
Not since I realized no one was going to believe me. Not the school. Not my friends.
And if they don’t believe me, why bother going to the police?
Austin knew before he ever laid a hand on me that he’d get away with it. But it took me losing everything to come to that same realization.
Statistics for rape victims are deplorable in the United States. Richland is no exception.
One in every six women in the U.S. has been a victim of sexual assault. I’m not special here. Just a member of a club I wish I’d never been a part of.
Suncrest U did a study a while back that found less than six percent of reported rapes in the United States lead to an arrest. Less than one percent lead to a conviction. And only half a percent of those convictions result in jail time.
And that’s not even including the over sixty percent of rapes that aren’t even reported. Ones like mine.
It shouldn’t surprise me that Austin and his friends got away with what they did to me. I’m just another statistic. A silent, forgotten number that society couldn’t care less about.
Austin clicks his tongue, straightening as his smile sharpens with cruelty. “Keep it that way. Your boy is sniffing around my business. Get him to stop or—” He lets the threat hang in the air between us.
“I broke things off,” I tell him, hating the way that admission tastes on my tongue. My heart squeezes. Just thinking about Gabriel, about the look on his face when he told me he loved me, it twists something inside of me.
I look down at my chest, searching for the blood I know should be pouring out of my heart. It feels like someone’s stabbed a blade deep in my chest. There’s nothing there. But the pain is real. This ache. Austin found a way to take yet another thing from me.
He tilts his head, a curious glimmer in his eyes. “Trouble in paradise? Lover boy unable to—” He makes a crude motion with his hips, grinding into me. “—satisfy you?”
“Get off of me,” I shriek. Bracing both hands against Austin’s chest, I push with all my might.
He doesn’t even sway.
My breath seizes in my lungs. He’s too close. He’s going to … no. He can’t. He—Urgh!
A mocking chuckle pours out of him.
Fear skitters down my spine. I need to get out of here. But I can’t move. I can’t breathe. And I’m trapped between the wall and Austin’s body. My breathing grows labored, the sound loud in the near-empty hallways.
Where did everyone go? There were more people before. Did the bell ring and I somehow missed it?
“Is that what happened, Cece? Did you realize you need a real man to—”
“Get the fuck away from her,” an all too familiar voice bites out. The next thing I know, Austin is thrown back away from me and slammed into the wall across from me. His body bounces off the wall, a small grunt hissing past his lips.
My eyes jerk to familiar pools of amber right before Gabriel tears his furious gaze away from mine, only to shove his face into Austin’s. “I told you to stay the fuck away from her,” Gabriel snarls, fists twisting into the collar of Austin’s polo shirt.
Gabriel looks two seconds away from punching Austin in the face, but he can’t.
Not here.
There’s too much at stake for him.
“Gabe—” I start.
“Or what?” Austin bites back. “Last I heard, she dumped your ass. So, why don’t you mind your own business?”
Gabriel’s nostrils flare and he draws his fist back, but before he can swing, I lunge for it. Wrapping my hands around his wrist, I pull down on his arm, praying he won’t shrug me off.
“He isn’t worth it,” I tell him, my voice pleading.
Austin’s grin widens. “You sure about that?” His eyes rake me up and down with clear interest as bile scorches the back of my throat.
The first bell rings, a shrill alarm reminding me to get to class. Only I can’t just walk away from this. Not knowing that as soon as I turn my back, Gabriel will punch Austin in the face. He’d happily be the one to deliver the first blow.
It’s what Austin wants. I can see it in his eyes. He wants Gabriel to punch him, which means he already knows the repercussions Gabriel will face.
I can’t let Gabriel throw his future down the drain. Austin’s parents are lawyers. They’ll go straight to the Dean’s office—guns blazing—and have Gabriel expelled.
Screw him.
Austin doesn’t deserve that satisfaction. He’s ruined enough lives as it is. I won’t let him destroy Gabriel’s.
“What’s it gonna be, Hererra?” Austin taunts. “You gonna defend your girl, or are you gonna walk away like a scared little bitch?”
Gabe bares his teeth but eases back, his entire body vibrating with barely tempered restraint.
Austin’s hands raise in mock surrender even as his smile remains cold and satisfied.
He tips an imaginary hat my way. “The bitch route it is. Good thing you cut this one loose.” He chuckles.
“See you around, Cece. Enjoy class.” He turns to saunter down the now empty hall and disappears around the corner just as the late bell rings, his jaunty whistle echoing back to Gabriel and me where we stand.
I slump against the wall, shaking and fighting back irrational tears. I’m going to be sick. Or pass out. Or both. Now that the adrenaline is leaving my system, I’m falling apart fast.
Fuck.
Why won’t Austin just leave me alone? What is it going to take? I’ve done everything he’s asked. There’s nothing left for me to give. No further concession I can make.
Pulling in one gasping breath after another, I close my eyes, counting down from one hundred to quell the rising panic threatening to choke me. If Gabriel hadn’t been here … No. I can’t think about that right now.
I’m fine. Austin is gone. I’m going to be fine.
Deep breath in. Exhale. Deep breath out.
My hands tremble as I smooth back my long brown hair, my fingers unsteady.
I avoid Gabriel’s searching gaze, instead staring down at the Volcom graphic on my oversized T-shirt. It hangs off one shoulder, exposing more bare skin than I’d like. Should have stuck with a sweater.
I cross my arms over my chest and try to stop shaking.
Gentle fingers under my chin tilt my head up. I nearly flinch away but remind myself this isn’t Austin. It’s Gabe. And Gabriel is safe. He won’t hurt me. Even though when we last spoke, I was the one to hurt him.
His honey-gold eyes bore into mine, his jaw clenched. “Are you okay?”
I open my mouth but can’t find any words. I manage a slight nod. A lie. But denying that I’m all right won’t help either of us right now.
Gabriel’s nostrils flare, a muscle in his cheek feathering. I can see the effort it takes to rein in his anger. He doesn’t like my response. He doesn’t believe me.
His thumb brushes my cheek. A barely there caress before dropping away. My heart plummets, and already I mourn the loss of his touch.
“Come on,” he says roughly. “Let’s get you to class.”
He turns on his heel, shoulders rigid, but keeps his steps short. A way to ensure I’m able to keep up with his longer stride.
I trail after him. My legs are unsteady, and my gut churns with all the words left unsaid between us. Gabriel isn’t supposed to save me. I’m not his responsibility. Not anymore.
I just wish I was strong enough to save myself.