CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Goddamn,” Drew Palmer said with a low whistle as they dressed for warmups later that night. “That’s a hell of a hickey there, Rass.”
Leif’s face went hot and he glanced down. He hadn’t seen anything in the mirror earlier. He’d checked too. Maybe it showed up later?
Drew rotated his finger. “Not there. On the back of your neck.”
Leif slapped a hand to the spot, suddenly remembering the scrape of Tanner’s teeth against his skin and the wet heat of his mouth. Shit. They should have been more careful.
Drew smirked. “Guess we know who took it up the ass last night, huh, boys?”
There were a few laughs from around the room and Mirsad Renner turned away, looking vaguely disgusted.
Stomach churning, Leif was confused and a little horrified by the whole situation. He bit back the urge to correct Drew and tell him it had been this morning, not last night. But that would probably only add fuel to the fire.
Awkwardly aware that everyone except Renner was still staring at him. Leif went hot, then cold, glancing around the room like he was going to find some sort of help there.
“Hey, guys, knock it off,” Nicky said but it was halfhearted at best and in the background, someone muttered something. Nicky’s gaze met Leif’s, then slid away. From the guilty looks Ian Salter was shooting him, he felt guilty too.
But Ian and Leif weren’t the kind of guys who spoke up much. They were more of the ‘keep your head down and get along’ types.
And he guessed maybe Nicky was too. He didn’t really know. Nicky hadn’t been around to lead the team much.
An ache built in Leif’s stomach. He hadn’t wanted to start anything like this.
Because what? Was he supposed to be ashamed of bottoming? Like it would be fine if he was gay but not if he was the one who took it up the ass? Not that old garbage.
Leif clenched his jaw, trying to come up with a decent retort, but Nicky glanced at the locker room clock on the wall and said, “Get moving, boys!”
Everyone hurried to finish dressing and they went through their usual routines. Nicky made a little speech about how important the game against D.C. was, that they needed to win tonight and that they all needed to pull together.
But it felt hollow after the mocking from Palmer. Half the guys in that locker room thought Leif’s sex life was a fucking joke. They were an older team, with more guys from the time before Noah Boucher came out.
New York was still stuck in that era and no one had done much to drag it into the future.
It really hadn’t bothered Leif before but hearing the way Tanner talked about his team, about how tight the Harriers were, about how open and comfortable they were with queer players, well …
it made Leif wish that the Rockets were different. Better.
As Leif filed out into the hallway, he caught Nicky’s gaze. Leif nodded at him in thanks for what he’d said. Had he done much? No. But it was more than anyone else had.
Nicky just frowned.
Leif sighed because he’d gotten it wrong, apparently.
Maybe Nicky was disappointed in him and Ian for not doing more to clean up the locker room while he was gone? But Leif had never expected Ian to stand up for Leif. Why would Ian say anything when he wasn’t gay?
Or at least, not that Leif knew, anyway. Salty didn’t talk about his personal life.
So why would Leif expect Ian to speak up for him?
If anyone should have done it, it was Leif, only he hadn’t wanted to cause any trouble in the locker room while Nicky was gone. Hadn’t really felt that it was worth making waves for.
It was only as he glided onto the ice that he realized that he should have deflected the comments Palmer made with, “At least I got laid last night. You couldn’t get someone if you tried.”
But Leif wasn’t usually good with comebacks. Especially about something like this.
There were guys who knew how to make jokes, turn it back on the asshole.
Tanner would be great at it. Hell, Leif knew he was, because he’d already been like that in the locker room when they both played for the Belmont Furies.
At sixteen, he’d been a better leader when it came to that stuff than Leif was at twenty-six.
Leif thought of what this locker room would think of Tanner and almost laughed aloud.
“Something funny?” Coach Pittman barked.
“No, Coach,” Leif called back. “Just looking forward to the game.”
Coach Pittman gave him a skeptical look and someone muttered, “Suck-up,” under his breath.
Leif sighed again.
Yeah, this was why he didn’t speak up much. It rarely went the way he wanted it to.
Later that week, Tanner settled across the table from Jesse and said, “Is it just me or is Crawford being weird lately?”
Jesse laughed. “Isn’t he always?”
Tanner shrugged. “I dunno. Different weird?”
“Hmm.” Jesse took a sip of water. “Yeah, I have noticed that. Now, I don’t know about you, but I am starving today. Figure out what you want quickly because I want to order ASAP.”
“Seriously,” Tanner said, scanning the menu. Oooh, they had some new stuff since the last time he was in there. Fun.
A few minutes later, a waiter arrived and took their orders.
They were eating dinner at a restaurant near HCI after practice and a photo shoot.
These days, Tanner and Jesse didn’t hang out one-on-one a lot.
Jesse was busy with Connor and the kids and goalie stuff, but Evie and Maura were with Connor’s ex-wife today, Nolan had an away game, and Connor had some promotional thing, so Jesse was all Tanner’s for a couple of hours.
“I suppose you’re right. Crawford was in a terrible mood a few days ago,” Jesse commented when the waiter was gone. “Barking at everyone even more than usual. But then he’s been almost … cheerful since then.”
“I know, right,” Tanner said with a grimace. “It’s so strange. He was humming in the shower today.”
Jesse squinted at him. “He never hums.”
“That’s what I thought! I don’t think he even realized he was doing it but it’s fucking weird.”
“I think he’s getting laid on the regular,” Jesse said with a knowing smile.
“Maybe he’s dating someone,” Tanner offered, leaning in. He fucking loved gossip and Jesse always knew what was going on.
Jesse scoffed. “I don’t think he’s a relationship kinda guy.”
Tanner shrugged. “People can change.”
“Sure,” Jesse said with a grin. “I’m the poster boy for that. Met the right person and, bam, happily settled down. I’m just saying, I don’t know that Luke’s the type.”
“He kinda had some vibes with the hot mom who came to the Make-A-Wish Day for Harper though.”
“Oh, Brie? Yeah. I dunno know about that.” Jesse hummed. “It seemed like he was just being nice to her because of her kid.”
“The timing checks out, right?” Tanner said. “I mean, he wasn’t really acting weird before then.”
“True,” Jesse said. “To be honest, it seems to me like he had more chemistry with her brother.”
Tanner hooted. “Vintage Jersey Guy? No fucking way.”
The idea of Luke having chemistry with the guy who showed up in the penalty box to chirp him made Tanner laugh loud enough that the people at the next table over glanced at him. He shot them a smile and they smiled back.
Tanner lowered his voice and leaned in again. “Luke isn’t gay.”
“He could be bi or pan,” Jesse said with a shrug.
Tanner snorted. “I know that. I’m just saying the dude has the straightest vibes I’ve ever seen. And I have great radar for that. Besides, c’mon, he calls all of us ‘rainbow guys’ like we’re some other species.”
The way he said it wasn’t mean and Tanner knew he’d take down anyone who seriously made fun of them for being queer—look at the way he’d punched their former forward, Bobby Tucker, when he’d said some shit—but still. Crawford didn’t exactly act like he was part of the queer group.
Jesse opened his mouth to reply but a moment later the waiter arrived with their soup.
After that, the conversation switched to practice and an upcoming game. They were still talking hockey after Jesse paid for lunch.
“Hey,” Jesse said when they were out on the sidewalk. “I need to drop some stuff off at Catherine’s house. You want to help?”
“Sure!” Tanner said. “I love seeing Mama O’Shea.”
Jesse smiled. “She loves seeing you too.”
“So when are you and Connor actually going to tie the knot?” Tanner asked a few minutes later as Jesse carefully pulled his green Jaguar into traffic. “I’ve been wondering. I’ll be the best man, right?”
“Of course you’ll be the best man.” Jesse’s bright smile fell and he sighed. “Honestly, I have no idea when it’ll happen. We keep talking about it, but life has been so crazy with the kids and hockey and …”
Tanner nodded.
“We’re going to talk more about it this summer,” Jesse said.
“But right now everything’s kind of in a holding pattern with Connor’s shoulder.
We don’t know when the season will end or if he’ll be having surgery or what.
And I know that we can hire a wedding planner but I fucking love parties and I want to do more than just tell someone what vibe I want and have them do everything, you know? ”
“Sure,” Tanner said, grinning because Jesse’s Halloween party had been fucking epic last fall. He could only imagine how amazing the Webber-O’Shea wedding would be.
“What about you?” Jesse asked. “Anyone on your radar lately?”
Tanner shrugged. “I’m having fun.”
Jesse shot him a look out of the corner of his eye. “Just having fun?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know.” Jesse shrugged. “It just seems like you’ve been talking about recent hookups less lately. I thought maybe things had changed for you too.”
Tanner swallowed. Ahh shit. Fucking goalies. They noticed everything. “Umm.”
“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything,” Jesse said. “But I’m here if you want to talk about it. That’s all.”
“There’s sort of … someone,” Tanner admitted. “Who I’ve seen a few times. And I’m kinda into him and we talk a lot, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
The moment the words left Tanner’s mouth they felt weird and wrong but before he could correct himself Jesse spoke. “Do you want it to mean something?”