CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO #2
“I don’t know,” Tanner said, frustrated. “Maybe? I don’t fucking know.”
“Well,” Jesse said. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“No,” Tanner scoffed.
“You do realize that’s the best way to figure it out, right?”
Tanner shrugged.
“I promise,” Jesse said drily. “No relationship—and that includes friendship—has ever been figured out by not talking about it.”
Tanner sighed. “It’s just … it’s complicated.”
Jesse snorted. “You think it wasn’t complicated when Connor and I started hooking up? He’s my captain. He was still wrestling with his sexuality and his religious beliefs. He was divorced, with kids, and I annoyed the crap out of him at first. That wasn’t exactly smooth sailing.”
“True,” Tanner agreed. “Do you ever miss the days when things weren’t complicated, and you were just … fucking around and having fun?”
Jesse was quiet for a moment as he navigated a rotary but he spoke a few moments later. “I miss things being simple sometimes. But there is no world where I’d ever pick simple over Connor and the kids.”
“Oh my God, and then Crawford had to hold a bunny rabbit named Elvis.” Tanner laughed.
“Yeah?” Leif asked, also amused as he took a final look around his hotel room.
The Rockets were currently in North Carolina and he’d just gotten back from a small group dinner.
Listening to Tanner talk about his day had become a comforting sort of patter in his ear while he went through his evening routine.
It was white noise sometimes. Not that Leif didn’t care to listen to what Tanner said.
It was simply that not all of it required input.
He could just sort of turn Tanner loose on a subject and let him ramble with only a few words of response to let him know he was still there.
At the moment, he was talking about a photo shoot the team had done earlier.
“I am so bummed we can’t have pets in our building.” Tanner sighed heavily. They were on a voice call because he was driving back from HCI. Apparently, he’d left his SUV there when he and Jesse went out to lunch, then to Catherine and Declan O’Shea’s house.
It always amazed Leif how casually Tanner talked about hanging out with hockey legends like that. Sure, Leif knew plenty of big-name NHL guys too but he rarely hung out at their houses unless they were hosting a party or something.
Tanner was a semi-regular guest at the O’Shea home when they hosted brunches and barbecues or whatever and sometimes just dropped by out of the blue and was welcomed.
Leif never went anywhere without an express invitation, worried that maybe he’d misunderstood. Maybe he’d read the person wrong, and they hadn’t meant to include him.
“How would you take care of a pet when you travel so much?” Leif asked, settling on the bed.
“Dude, that’s hilarious. That’s exactly what Crawford asked.”
Leif grimaced. He wasn’t sure he liked being compared to Luke Crawford in any way. Then again … “That’s what anyone with common sense would ask,” Leif pointed out, settling into a stretch, his left ankle pressed against his bent right leg.
Damn. He was tight today.
Tanner made a dismissing noise. “There are pet sitters, duh. And, like, neighbors.”
“Do you know your neighbors?”
“Of course I do! I hooked up with this one couple last season …”
Leif tuned it out because he didn’t want to hear about Tanner’s hookups with other people. He knew what that meant but he didn’t want to think about what that meant and so he ignored it. Focused on the stretch he was doing.
“I was bummed when they moved,” Tanner finished with.
Leif gritted his teeth, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the stretch as he looped his arms around his thigh and pulled his knee toward his chest or Tanner’s words. Maybe both.
Probably both.
“So what about you? Do you know your neighbors?” Tanner asked cheerfully.
Leif snorted. “No. And I’ve definitely never fucked them.”
“Tell me about the last person you fucked,” Tanner said.
“Uhh.” Leif cleared his throat. “It was you.”
“Yeah? Me too actually,” Tanner said. “I mean, you were the last person I fucked.”
The tension left Leif’s body so fast he fell back onto the mattress. “Yeah?” He stared up at the blank white ceiling, the image whirling for a moment.
“Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t like, trying or anything but …”
Leif closed his eyes and did his best to pretend like Tanner hadn’t just plunged a hot knife into his chest.
“Oh, before I forget,” Tanner said, interrupting himself. “Shit’s about to get busy for me. We’re heading out on a west coast road trip. Vegas, then the California teams.”
“So?” Leif said, his tone a little shorter than he intended.
“So, uh, I was just letting you know,” Tanner said. “You’re heading down to Florida next, right?”
“Yeah.” Leif rubbed his temple.
“So if we’re kinda busy, I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you or something.”
“Right. Thanks.”
“Are you okay?” Tanner asked slowly.
Leif sighed. “Not really.”
“Princess …” Tanner said and his voice was so soft it made a lump rise in Leif’s throat.
“I’m fine.”
“You just said you weren’t okay.”
“Ignore that.”
“What if I don’t wanna?”
“I could hang up on you,” Leif pointed out.
“Then I’d be sad.”
Leif opened his eyes, propping himself up on one elbow. “Would you?”
“Yeah. Of course. Talking to you is super fun.”
“Even when I’m not feeling very fun?”
“Yep. I just like hearing your voice.”
Tanner was so matter of fact, like he hadn’t said the single most devastating thing Leif had ever heard.
“You do?” he croaked.
“Duh. So talk to me.”
“About what?”
“Maybe about what’s making you not okay?”
Leif fell back again, sighing. “The locker room has been … weird lately.”
He could talk about that, even if he couldn’t say what was really bothering him.
“Yeah? Because Nicky came back and you’re worried about your spot?”
“Honestly? No,” Leif admitted. “That isn’t it.”
“So what is?”
“I’ve mentioned it’s not a very … welcoming locker room, right?”
“Yep.”
“Well, after—after that night we had in Boston,” Leif said, “one of the guys noticed the hickey you left. He made a crack about it.”
“Fuck!” Tanner said. “I am so sorry. I wasn’t even paying attention and I didn’t—”
“I know.” Leif cut his ramble off. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“So what did he say?”
Leif repeated it and Tanner made a low noise in the back of his throat. “Duuude, fuck that guy. I am so going to fuck him up the next time we play.”
“I don’t need you to beat up my teammates for me,” Leif said. Not to mention the fact that by pro hockey standards, Tanner was not exactly a tough guy. He was a scrappy puppy, nipping at someone’s ankle.
“You can’t stop me,” Tanner said darkly.
Despite himself, Leif chuckled. “It would be a nice change to have you annoy someone else on the ice.”
“You know you love it, Princess.”
I love you, Leif thought and for one horrifying second, he was sure he’d said that aloud.