Chapter 2 Selene
“And there’s no Prince Charming coming to give you that fateful kiss that will wake you from your curse.”
Selene
The last time we were together, I asked Neil to be exclusive.
I still couldn’t believe it. I must have experienced a temporary bout of insanity after he’d given me another little piece of himself.
He had actually admitted to me that he suffered from a sexual dysfunction that kept him from achieving orgasm with a woman.
Despite that, when he was in my bed, he surrendered himself completely to a passionate climax.
How stupid could I get? For goodness’ sake!
I knew that backing him into a corner and putting pressure on him definitely wasn’t the right move, and yet I’d let my gut feelings lead me astray.
Right before he fell asleep beside me, Neil had told me that he’d think about it, but I had a suspicion that wasn’t the truth and was instead just his way of shutting me up and putting an end to my interrogation.
By then, I knew him well enough to recognize his moves.
We’d talked on the phone the night before, and, like usual, I could tell that Neil was giving in to the dark thoughts that constantly inundated his mind.
He told me that I should hate him for the way he’d been with me, but all I could do was remember everything we’d done together the next morning.
When I got the wild idea in my head that I needed to taste him.
I turned bright red every time I thought about that moment, but, despite my embarrassment, I couldn’t bring myself to regret any of it.
It had been magnificent, seeing him so aroused for me.
I had to smile when I recalled the way he clenched his fist around my hair and how his golden eyes stared into mine reassuringly. And I pressed my thighs together as I thought about my lips sliding along him.
He was still fighting with himself, but, with me, he felt more than just the physical pleasure a man with his specific kinks usually felt.
He also managed to shatter every psychological barrier, even that of his own ironclad self-control.
Ever since he’d left, I had to admit that a strange desire had been kindled within me: I thought about him constantly and longed for a repeat.
I wanted to make love to him again and pleasure him with my mouth.
I was even wondering why I’d waited so long to explore his perfect body in such an intense and earth-shaking fashion.
My thoughts had me off kilter. Sometimes, I even thought it was wrong to want a man so much and that it might be bad for me.
Other times, I thought my brain was just becoming more lustful as I discovered the true beauty of sexuality.
“Did you know you have to massage your boobs every day if you want them to grow?” Janel managed through a mouthful of chips.
Janel, Bailey, and I were all on my couch watching an episode of Sex Education on Netflix.
Every so often, my friend would come out with some kind of nonsense like that, making me smile.
“What are you talking about? That’s an old wives’ tale. There’s no scientific support for it,” Bailey answered, not looking away from the TV because she was intent on understanding the sexual issue discussed in that particular episode.
“Now people just get surgery. I like my boobs the way they are, though. Little but firm,” I put in. I had a slight frame, but I had no complaints about my body.
“Of course, you can’t complain; you’re very proportionate. You were even a ballerina when you were a kid,” Janel shot back.
“True, but I only danced until I was twelve. Then I started on Pop Rocks and Cheetos,” I answered.
“Selene, you’re going to make me hungry if you keep talking like that,” Bailey grumbled with a noisy huff. “Have you ever tried a Goo Goo Cluster?” she added, licking her lips.
“I have. They’re so good,” Janel said.
“I’ve never had one. What is it?” I creased up my forehead and inched closer to the fireplace to warm up a little bit.
“It’s a round candy bar with a chocolate covering and peanuts, marshmallows, and caramel inside.
You should try one.” As Bailey rhapsodized about the characteristics of a Goo Goo Cluster, I began to feel too warm.
The air was suddenly sweltering, so I pulled off my woolly sweater, leaving just my short-sleeved T-shirt.
My friends shot me weird looks, and I gave them a nonchalant shrug.
“I’m too warm,” I explained quickly and turned my full attention back to Bailey. I frowned, however, when I noticed her eyes were fixed on a spot on my arm.
“What is that?”
My first thought was that I had some sort of bug on me, so I turned to look where she was staring in alarm. Instead, I saw faint but undeniable bruises on my skin. I had more of them on my hips and my neck, so I could guess pretty quickly what they had to be thinking.
“Selene…what happened to you?” Janelle asked softly. She reached out to touch me, but I ducked away from her. I knew perfectly well where those bruises came from; the problem was figuring out how to explain them to my friends.
“Nothing. I’m… This… I’m…” I didn’t know what the hell to say. A fall? That didn’t sound credible. I’d worn my hair down to cover the ones on my neck, but I hadn’t even thought about how taking off my sweater would expose more of them.
“God, it looks like someone beat you up,” Bailey declared, just as I’d feared she might.
“No!” I answered hurriedly. “Oh my God, no! Nothing like that,” I tried to be very firm to reassure her at least a little bit.
Except, I still had that irritating yearning sensation between my thighs that wouldn’t go away ever since Neil had gone back to New York.
No, he definitely hadn’t been gentle the last time we were together, but he hadn’t crossed any lines or done anything without my consent.
In fact, I’d been the one urging him not to stop, to keep pushing through until he got his long-awaited orgasm.
By that point, I had accepted him in his totality, even when that meant accommodating him when he was at his wildest.
“Selene, you need to tell us right now what the hell happened to you!” ordered Janel, who, despite not actually knowing him, despised Neil.
“Nothing. Truly, nothing major. We just… I mean…” I had no idea how to define what we’d done with each other. I was in real trouble now. “He’s just very passionate. And I don’t mind,” I admitted, rendering them both speechless. They exchanged blank looks before going back to staring at me.
“So…you’re saying he’s a sadist?” Janel cocked a skeptical eyebrow.
“Or he’s pushing you into unusual sexual practices like bondage or—” Bailey cut in, and I shook my head until she stopped talking.
“No, absolutely not. Neil isn’t doing any of that. He once told me flat out that he’s not into that kind of…thing.” I waved a hand vaguely in the air, and they both sighed with relief.
“So how’d you get all marked up then?” Janel pressed, still not convinced. I chewed my lip uncomfortably.
“I told you, Neil is kind of—” I didn’t even get all of my sentence out before Janel was finishing it for me.
“A brute? A barbarian?” she offered contemptuously. “That dude is an animal, and not in a good way,” she declared with finality, and I grimaced.
“Janel!” Bailey chided her, but she just kept going.
“No. I don’t like that guy, and I’m not going to change my mind. And these bruises only confirm my theory.” She gestured to my arm, and I immediately tried to cover it with my hand.
“It’s not what you think,” I squeaked out, embarrassed.
“Oh no? That dude fucks you. That’s what he does.
And don’t try to tell me he makes love to you and cares about you or any of that bullshit.
It is one hundred percent not normal the way he uses your body.
You are not a sex toy.” She moved an agitated hand over her black bob, clearly upset.
I wasn’t sure how to make her see that her understanding of Neil was only partially correct.
But I didn’t know how to explain this thing between us.
“No, Janel,” I murmured, tracking her with my eyes as she leaped to her feet, furious. “I promise you, he hasn’t done anything against my will. And I like the way he…” I turned my face down, incredibly uncomfortable.
“The way he…?” Bailey prompted, and I took a deep breath.
“The way he dominates me, basically.” I cleared my throat and rubbed my hands against my jeans. I couldn’t fully explain that bizarre idea nor the reason for the changes that seemed to be happening inside me. Who knew what my friends would think of this confession?
“Hold on… Explain more,” Janel demanded.
“The last time we…” I glanced at both of them before continuing, with difficulty.
“Okay, so, the last time he was here, I had this very intense experience…” I bit the inside of my cheek and prayed that this time they would understand, but, if anything, they just looked even more bewildered and confused.
“You mean…you got turned on because it was rough?” Bailey tilted her head to one side, and I blushed violently. All I wanted to do was end this conversation as quickly as possible.
“Maybe. Probably. I mean…yes?” I admitted breathlessly.
My face felt like it was on fire. “The sex is always great with Neil. He thinks about my pleasure every time; he’s not selfish at all.
And I’ve gotten used to the way he is. He’s never been gentle, except for that first time.
The first time that I remember, I mean,” I specified, thinking of what I considered to be our first “official” time, in my bedroom.
Neil had been passionate but also respectful and extremely controlled.
“So you’re saying that it’s never been sweet, never been kind, and that…” Bailey paused and looked at Janel.
“That you like it rough, basically?” Janel continued.