Chapter 16
John helped his mom and Charlie clean up after dinner. After he cleared the table, Charlie said he was going out to the garage for half an hour to finish a job he’d started earlier. He gave Sarah a kiss on the cheek before he went out through the mudroom door.
“You two are cute,” John said. “It’s nice to see you so happy.”
“It still feels like a dream.”
“Good for you. You deserve it, Mom.”
“Yes, I do.”
John laughed at the emphatic way she said that. No one had ever deserved happily ever after more than she did.
“What about you?” she asked in the casual tone mothers everywhere used when they were looking for information from reluctant offspring.
“What about me?”
“Are you going to see Niall again? He seems like such a nice young man. I was so glad you brought him to dinner the other night.”
Unsure of what she was really asking, John continued to wipe the countertop. “He is nice.”
“Johnny.”
He stopped what he was doing and turned to her, shocked to find her watching him with a knowing look on her face. “What?”
“Do you like him?”
“Yes, of course. We’re friends from the Beachcomber. I met up with him when I was out running and…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s just that I think he’s great, and it seems like maybe you do, too.”
“We’re friends.”
“Are you ever going to tell me the truth?”
John felt like he’d been hit by a hot arrow to the chest. “About what?”
She tipped her head and raised her brows. “About everything. Do you think I don’t know what you’re trying so hard to hide from me? Or that I won’t understand or won’t support you the same way I always have?”
John was so shocked, he had no idea how to respond.
She came closer to him, put her hands on his shoulders and looked up at him. “We’re no longer living in Mark Lawry’s house.”
“Thank God for that,” John said with a nervous laugh.
“That means we’re all free to be who and what we are, including you.”
He heard what she said, understood the deeper meaning behind the words, but couldn’t bring himself to reply. It had become second nature to him to hide from the truth, which meant he had no idea how to broach the subject, even with the opening his mother had given him.
“If you want to talk about it, I’m here. I love you unconditionally, now and forever.”
She would never know what those words meant to him.
He stood frozen in place as she went back to wiping down the stovetop.
The words he wanted to say burned on the tip of his tongue.
Just say it. Tell her what she seems to already know.
He wanted to so badly, but all he could hear was Mark Lawry’s voice in the back of his head saying none of them had better be gay, that he’d rather be dead than have a gay child.
His father’s hateful words were burned on John’s soul in permanent ink.
They’d forced him to live a lie for most of his life, until he finally took a chance on what he wanted and had it blow up in his face in spectacular fashion.
He hadn’t even told his mother why he’d quit the department.
It might be better, for him, for everyone who loved him, to keep the truth buried, and he might’ve done that if his mother hadn’t told him he wasn’t fooling her.
“I, uh… Mom.”
“Yes, Johnny?” she said as she turned to him, her expression open, loving and accepting.
“You already know.”
“I always have.”
Incredulous, he said, “How is that possible?”
She shrugged. “I just knew. I’m so sorry for the things he said and what I put you through by not getting you kids away from him.”
“We don’t blame you.”
“I blame myself enough for all of you.”
Her sharp retort stunned him.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t mean to snap at you.”
“You didn’t.”
“For the rest of my life, I’ll regret that I wasn’t strong enough then to do what needed to be done, that you and the others went through what you did at his hands. Every one of you carries scars from how you were raised, but you’re the one I’ve worried about the most.”
That shocked him. “Why me?”
“Because.”
That one word spoke volumes.
“Do you think he knew about me, too?”
“No,” she said. “Not at all. It never occurred to him. I’m sure of that.”
“I guess we ought to be thankful for that, because as bad as it was, that would’ve made it a thousand times worse. I went so far out of my way to hide it from him, dating girls and saying stuff to keep him from suspecting.”
“I know you did, and I’m so sorry, Johnny,” she said tearfully. “I’m so damned sorry for the things he said and did.”
He went to her and hugged her tightly. “You don’t need to apologize for him.”
“Yes, I do, and you have to let me. I should’ve done more.”
“You were terrorized, Mom. Please don’t take the blame. I saw so much of what domestic violence does to people when I was on the job. What matters now is that he can never hurt us again.”
“He continues to hurt us if we don’t live our truth.”
“I hear you, and it means everything to me that you understand.”
“I do, and I love you. No matter what.”
He hugged her again, fully aware of how lucky her support made him.
“Now, talk to me about Niall.”
John laughed. “What about him?”
“Do we like him as more than a friend?”
“Maybe.” It was still strange to admit such a thing to his mother when he’d spent his entire life hiding the truth from everyone around him—and apparently failing if his mother had known all along.
“What’re you going to do about it?”
“Haven’t decided yet.”
“Perhaps you ought to give that some thought, huh?”
“Perhaps I will.”
“Excellent. How about the job at the Wayfarer? What do you think about that?”
“I think it might be perfect for me. Work hard for four months and get paid an annual salary while coasting the rest of the year? That probably wouldn’t suck.”
“Probably not, and we’d love to have you here with us year-round.”
When John had first come back to Gansett for the housewarming party, his entire life had been a mess.
He’d lost a job he’d put his heart and soul into, his first real relationship had imploded, and he’d been living a lie for as long as he could remember.
Now, though… Things were looking up, and he couldn’t wait to see what happened next.
Hope waited until she got Scarlett down for the night and then went to find Ethan and Paul.
On the nights when Paul, a town councilman, didn’t have a meeting in town, the two of them could be found enjoying a bowl of ice cream while they watched some form of sports on TV.
Tonight, they had a Red Sox game on and were talking about how to identify the various types of pitches.
“See that curve?” Paul asked. “Right at the end? That’s how you know it’s a curveball.”
Hope would be forever thankful to Paul for treating Ethan like a son, long before she and Paul had admitted their feelings for each other.
Her son hung on Paul’s every word, followed him around like a puppy, and even imitated some of Paul’s mannerisms. She couldn’t think of a better man for her son to look up to.
She ached at the thought of anything disturbing their harmonious life, especially the man who’d caused them so much pain in the past.
“Can I talk to you guys for a minute?”
Since they’d planned this conversation earlier, Paul muted the TV. “Sure.”
“I wanted to talk to Ethan about his dad getting out of jail.”
“Oh,” Ethan said.
“As you know, he’s agreed to allow Paul to adopt you.”
“That’s still happening, right?” Ethan asked, seeming unnerved.
“It is,” Hope said, “but your father has requested the opportunity to see you, just once. I believe he’d like the chance to apologize for everything that happened. Paul and I have talked about it, and we think the decision should be yours.”
Ethan thought about that for a minute. “Do I have to see him?”
“No, you don’t.”
He looked at Paul. “What do you think I should do?”
Hope wasn’t at all surprised that he wanted Paul’s opinion.
“If I were you, I’d want to see him and hear him out so I could move on with my life without any regrets, but I want to add that if you think it would be too upsetting for you, then you shouldn’t do it.”
“What about you, Mom? What do you think I should do?”
“The part of me that still has a lot of feelings about what he put us through wants you to tell him to go to hell.”
Ethan laughed at her unusually harsh language.
“However, the part of me that will always be grateful to him for giving me you thinks that maybe we could give him an hour and then close the book on that chapter of our lives for good.”
“An hour is really no big deal, right?” Ethan asked.
“It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things,” Paul said.
“As long as you know that you’re my dad, that you always will be, I’ll see him,” Ethan said.
Paul took Ethan’s empty bowl and placed it on the coffee table. Then he put his arm around the boy. “I’ll always be your dad. Nothing could ever change that, and nothing could ever change how much I love you. If you want to see him, now or any time in the future, you should.”
“You promise you wouldn’t be mad?”
“Swear to God,” Paul said.
“When would it happen?” Ethan asked Hope.
“He doesn’t get out until later in October, so after that sometime.”
“Can we go back to watching the game now?”
“You bet, buddy.” Paul unmuted the sound on the television and looked up at Hope, his eyes full of emotion.
She smiled at him and mouthed the words love you to him, and he did the same back to her.
The luckiest day of her life—and Ethan’s—was when she came to Gansett Island to interview for a job helping to care for Marion Martinez. She never could’ve imagined that job would lead to a whole new life for herself and her son.
They were blessed beyond measure to love and be loved by Paul Martinez.
The bar was busier than Jace had expected for a post-Labor Day Saturday night.
He kept an eye out for Cindy while pretending not to save her usual seat by putting his jacket on it.
Niall was playing later, and the bar was full of regulars who’d come out to reclaim their island, as one of them put it.
Piper, who worked the front desk at the Sand & Surf, was playing a game of checkers with Niall before he began his first set.
Jace approached Oliver and Dara Watson, who’d arrived with another woman a few minutes ago, and put Beachcomber coasters in front of each of them.
“Let me guess, a rum and Diet Coke for Dara, a Sam Adams for Oliver and…” He took a measuring look at the newcomer. “Vodka and soda with a twist of lime.”
The woman’s smile lit up pretty brown eyes. “Close. Make the lime a lemon and the vodka Ketel One, and we’ve got a deal.”
“Just a soda water with a lemon for me,” Dara said.
“Sure thing. Are you guys eating, too?”
“Yep,” Oliver said. “This is Dara’s sister, Monique. We told her the Beachcomber has the best food in town.”
“I won’t argue with that.” Jace placed a menu on the bar in front of her. “These two know it by heart.”
“And we get the same thing every time,” Dara said.
“They’re boring that way,” Monique said to Jace.
“I’m not getting dragged into this argument,” Jace replied, grinning as he prepared their drinks.
“Monique just got divorced,” Oliver said. “She ought to come with a warning label for single men. Crazy lady back on the market and on the make.”
Laughing, Monique gave her brother-in-law a playful shove. “Shut up with that. It’s not that bad. Yet.”
“I stand warned,” Jace said gravely.
“Don’t listen to him.” Monique smiled as she brushed away Oliver’s comments. “It’s not quite that bad.”
“But close,” Dara said.
“The last few years with the husband weren’t great,” Monique said with a shrug. “I’m excited to get out and meet new people and start over. I hear Gansett is a good place to do that.”
She was gorgeous and vivacious. Jace doubted she’d have any trouble meeting new people.
Oliver and Dara were two of Jace’s favorite regulars.
One night, they’d shared the story of how they’d lost their young son in a tragic accident and had come to Gansett to be the new lighthouse keepers, hoping for a fresh start.
They seemed to be doing better, and he was glad to see them smiling and laughing with Dara’s sister.
“Cheers to a fresh start,” Jace said when he delivered their drinks.
He’d almost given up on her when Cindy came in, smiling at him as she pointed to the barstool he’d saved for her. “Is someone sitting here?”
“You are. That’s my jacket.”
When she realized he’d saved her seat, the affectionate look she gave him filled him with an unreasonable feeling of joy. The only time he’d felt anything close to that was when he’d seen his sons after years away from them.
He poured her usual glass of ice water and topped it with a slice of lemon. “How’re you feeling?”
“Much better, thank goodness.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“And ready for a couple of days off.”
“What’ve you got planned?”
“I’m seeing Owen, Laura and the kids tomorrow for haircuts.”
“On your day off?”
“That’s fun, not work. I can do yours, too, if you want.”
“That’d be great. Did I tell you I’m talking to Mac McCarthy next week about doing some plumbing for him?”
“No, but that’s wonderful. My sister Julia works for him and says he’s booked two years out.”
“That’s what I hear.” He handed her a printout. “Tonight’s specials. Be right back.” He went to pour another glass of wine for Piper and Niall’s Guinness before returning to take Cindy’s order.
“I’ll do the seafood casserole with a house salad, please.”
“Hold the onions,” he added.
“You know me too well.”
“Not as well as I’d like to.”