Chapter 25
Britain
We were supposed to be at Colton’s at 8:00 tonight, but I asked to make it earlier so I could eat there. It might be my last chance for a while. I can’t believe it, but I’m really going to miss this place. I’ve gotten used to always being able to see the lake and taking my morning walks in the forest. I love how it’s never humid and how the warm days always lead to cold nights. I wish there was a way for me and the girls to move here, but I just don’t see how it could ever work.
Liam’s taking a quick nap while I call Damian. I wanted to nap, too, but I also really need to make this call. Probably best to do it while I don’t have someone listening over my shoulder. Not that Liam does that, it would just feel weird I guess. A wave of anxiety washes over me as I hit the call button.
“Hey, Britain.”
“Hi, is now an okay time for a quick chat?” It’s so weird, I used to know his schedule like the back of my hand. I could tell you what time he took a break in the morning for coffee. Or whether he was doing a push or pull day at the gym, and now, we’re back to being strangers.
“Yeah, what’s up? Wait, before you start, though. I just wanted to say congratulations.” Shit.
“You already know?”
“Yup.” I’m trying to gauge his tone, but I can’t get a read on him.
“Damn, Jess and Tommy work fast. Sorry, I was planning to tell you myself.” He just laughs lightly.
“It’s alright. I’m surprised, I was surprised. I, uh, didn’t know that was something you were looking for. I just mean, last I asked, Jess said you were very opposed to dating.”
“You asked Jess if I was dating? Why?”
He lets out a long sigh. “What do you mean, why? I still care about you. I still love you. I still want you to be happy, but I also selfishly hoped you wouldn’t move on. I don’t know.” This is awkward.
“You left me…for someone else, and you hoped I wouldn’t move on?”
“See, it sounds stupid when you say it back to me and I hear it. I just hoped that you’d finally realize how much you actually loved me after I left, but instead you found someone else to love. I guess I just always felt like I was your runner-up, your number 2 pick, and there was a part of me that wanted you to feel the same way, that you were now the runner-up.” Wow.
“Jesus, that’s pretty fucked up…but I, uh, I do understand. There were a lot of things I never told you about why I left home, and that wasn’t fair to you. I think, maybe, what you’re trying to say is you feel like I never gave our relationship my all, I never gave all of myself to you. And I’m trying to say, you’d be right. There was someone who hurt me, badly, and I never got over it, over them. I’m sorry, Damian.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“Right, so,” moving past whatever the fuck that was, “I want to make sure you’re okay with me introducing the girls to him. And then we also need to start figuring out living arrangements so we can key in on the custody agreement.” I need to keep the conversation to logistics. That’s what Damian and I do best.
“I would like to meet him myself first, but then regardless, you can introduce him to the girls.” That’s right, because regardless of what he thinks, it wouldn’t stop me from moving forward with Liam. This is all just out of courtesy. “Summer and I are looking for a place in Virginia right now. Probably inside the beltway, though, since we’ll keep commuting to the city for work. I’d love it if the girls could stay with you the rest of the summer until we’re settled, but then once school’s out next year, we split the time in half? Either every other week, or just half and half. I’m flexible.”
“Okay, that works. We can worry about next summer when it comes. Do you have any vacations you want to take them on during summer break this year?”
“Yeah, Summer wants us all to go to Disney World, like end of June. Does that work?”
“By all means, go. The girls would love that, and you know I can’t do Florida in the summer.”
“Yeah, by all of us, I meant you, too. Summer wants to know if you’ll come, too.” Oh.
“Oh, um, I don’t know, Damian. I think you and the girls and Summer should just go. It’ll be a good chance for you guys to get used to being your own family unit, you know? Maybe help the girls bond with Summer?”
“Copy, I will relay that. I’ll book everything then and get you dates.”
“Great, because I’m thinking I want to bring the girls here for a couple weeks towards mid to late summer. They’d love the lake, and I could show them where I grew up, and Georgia’s house. You good with that?”
“Yeah, not a problem. Um, so is that where he lives? Or is going to continue living?”
“His name is Liam, and yes, he has a home here, but he is going to move to Virginia. Since I won’t leave the girls, we’ll be wherever they are.”
“Okay, and like you’ve vetted Liam, right? He’s not just with you for your money or something?” Wow.
“Damian, I cannot believe you just asked that. He’s very successful in his own right. He doesn’t need anything from me, least of all my money, I can assure you. He’s not an assistant looking for a big fish.”
“Sick burn, Britain.”
“Thanks.” For someone who dumped me, he has a lot of fucking gall saying some of this crap. “So now, this is just a heads up, once the girls meet Liam and are comfortable, he will be moving in with us.” I’m done with the courtesy, now he can just eat shit.
“Understood. Sorry, didn’t mean to be so insulting.”
“It’s fine. I’m sure you just can’t imagine someone loving me enough to want to be with me for me, huh?”
“You know I don’t think that. You just, you’ve basically been a dead woman walking the last couple of years. It’s hard for me to picture that person finding someone and falling deeply in love, enough to get married after knowing each other for a month.”
“Well, I’ve technically known him longer than you, for one. And two, I guess he was just able to bring me back to life in a way you never could.”
“Damn, you're cutting deep today, Brit.” Yeah, I should probably cool it, but he just really pissed me off. I didn’t know it was still possible for him to get under my skin like that.
“Yeah, that was shitty. Sorry.” I sigh. “You just know how to push my buttons, don’t you?”
“Same to you.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, about everything.” I say, trying.
“I’m sorry, too. Let’s try again, okay?”
“Yep, starting over.” Try to be good at divorce, Britain.
“Quick debrief and then let’s wrap it up.” I laugh at his nonsensical business tone.
“I pick up the girls from school June 7th, take them to camp June 8th. You pick them up from camp June 22nd and then that following week you take them to Disney World. I will have the girls the rest of the summer, during which I will be taking them to Spearhead for two weeks, and I will let you know those dates as soon as they’re locked in, but I’m thinking mid to late July.
You will meet Liam when the girls are at camp, and once they’re home from camp, I will introduce them to him. At some point later this summer, Liam will be moving in with me and the girls. Does this all sound agreeable to you?”
“Yes.”
“Great, then I will let you get back to your Saturday evening.”
“Great, I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Britain.”
“Bye, Damian.” I end the call, releasing the tension in my shoulders. Fuck, that could have gone better. It wasn’t horrible, but not great. I grab a bottled water out of the fridge before I head into the great room, typing dates into my calendar so I won’t forget, but I’m startled to see Liam sitting there.
“I thought you were napping?”
“Couldn’t sleep without you there.” He doesn’t turn around to look at me when he speaks and his tone is clipped and short.
“What’s wrong?”
“You never got over him?” He sounds destroyed when he says this, and something in me cracks. I have to just be honest with him. I wasn’t with Damian, and that didn’t serve anybody well.
“No, not really, but-”
“I should have just handed you over to him when you showed up at my doorstep. I’ve been a fool.”
“What? Liam, no, I don’t–”
He cuts me off before I can finish. “Just, please. Stop.” Damnit. I’ve never heard him speak in this tone before. It’s cold and hard. “I will see you at Colton’s for your farewell party. I need to go do something.” He gets up, heading straight for the front door, never once looking at me.
“Liam, please just wait,” but he’s already out the door. I immediately pull up my call history, pressing the call button by his name. It rings and rings, until all I get is his deep voice on the other end of the line. “You’ve reached William Millar. Leave a brief message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” Hearing his voice in that tone soothes me, but also feels like a knife slicing in between my ribs. Why does it hurt so much?
He said he’ll see me at the farewell party, it’s not like he’s left me. He’s coming back. Maybe he just needs some time to process or cool down. I repeat this sentiment to myself over and over, hoping it’s true. But there’s that gut feeling, burning low in my stomach that tells me it’s not. I try calling two more times, getting his voicemail. Two more times.
I’ll send him a text.
Britain
Liam, please come back. If you’d just let me explain, you wouldn’t have left. I hadn’t gotten over Matthias, but then I ran into you, and somehow, some way, you made me forget about him more and more with each passing day until I realized I don’t think I ever actually loved him. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. It’s only ever been you.
I wait for a response, a little bubble with dots, anything. But 30 minutes has passed and he hasn’t responded. I set down my phone, noticing the tremble in my hands and I just let the tears fall. He said he’d be there tonight. He’ll be there tonight. When I see him, everything will be better. He’ll say sorry for overreacting and I’ll say sorry, too. I don’t entirely know what for, but I’ll say sorry because I do know the sound in his voice before he left. It was hurt.
I check my phone again, for the hundredth time. Nothing. I don’t know why I do, I haven’t let my phone out of sight since he left. I even took it in the shower with me just in case. I feel sick to my stomach, my palms are sweaty and my hands won’t stop shaking. It takes me ten minutes just to get eyeliner on, I have to keep wiping it off and starting over.
I’m going to be late. What would normally take me 45 minutes to shower, do a blowout, and makeup has taken two hours and I’m not even dressed. I head to my closet, but stop before entering. I turn around and head into his closet. It smells like his cologne, my favorite scent in the world. I run my hands over his suit coats. It’s my subconscious saying goodbye. Stop it, Britain. He’ll be there tonight, and everything will be fine.
I head back to my closet again, grabbing the first dress I see. A baby blue dress by Bardot. I slip on my sandals and watch, and head for the full-length mirror by the ensuite. Objectively, I think I look good, but my eyes are tinged red from crying all day, and there’s something off about my expression. It’s a dead look in my eyes, it’s a weight in my bones. No, it’s not. It can’t be. Not yet. I head to the bathroom sink, slipping on my engagement ring.
As I’m walking out the front door, my phone pings. I nearly drop it as I fumble to pull it out of my bag.
Sandy
Have y’all left yet?
The disappointment is enough to make me start crying again, but I try to keep it together.
Britain
I’m leaving right now. Liam isn’t there yet?
No, he’s not coming with you?
He had to go run an errand, so he’ll meet me there. I’m walking out the door right now.
See you soon, baby!
I just stand on the porch trying to calm myself down. Deep breaths. My phone pings again.
Damian
Hey, I thought about it, and does it just make more sense for me and Summer to take the girls to camp? That way you can stay there a few more weeks?
Britain
If you guys want to do that, that’s fine with me. But check with Caroline and Elodie first. Make sure they’re okay with it?
Already did, so you’re good to go.
Wow.
Okay, sounds like a plan then.
He taps back a thumbs up. I open a new message.
Britain
Can you cancel my flight for Tuesday? I’m going to stay another week or so. I don’t need to book something right now, I’m thinking about flying home private anyways.
Jess
Absolutely, need me to do anything for the girls?
You can check with Damian, but I don't think so. Him and Summer are going to drive them to camp.
K, have fun on your little pre-honeymoon then! Love you.
love you too.
I sink into the driver seat of my car. I can do this, I just have to get there and everything will be fine. Liam will be there, and we’ll be back to normal. I turn on the car, reversing out of the driveway to head towards Colton’s. My phone rings. The name pops up on the center dash, as the speaker says, “Call from Matthias.”
Would it be too much to ask for my fiancé to just call me back! I hit “decline” from the steering wheel, not interested in dealing with that right now. Two months ago, if Matthias would have called me, my stomach would have dropped into my ass and I’d be equal parts excited and terrified. But now I’m just annoyed. Why does he think he has any right to come back into my life?
Matthias fucked up my life. He’s the reason why I left and never came back. He’s the reason I wasn’t here for Georgia in her final months. He’s the one who cut down a young, sweet girl, turning her into a depressed, hardened shell of a human. Liam is the only one who’s been able to piece me back together. To make me feel whole, and right. What are you doing, Liam?
When I pull up to Colton’s, I’m astonished at how busy it is. There aren’t any parking spaces left, so I head down to Sandy’s and park in front of the coffee shop. I’ll just have to walk over. As I’m making my way, a Range Rover flies past me, Liam’s car. But he doesn’t stop at Colton’s, he’s headed to the house. Maybe he just needs to change before coming back?
I’m torn. Do I get back in the car and follow him? Do I go in without him? I’m already late. I don’t get the chance to decide, though.
“Britain!” It’s Carly. She just parked right beside my car and is coming up the path behind me. My chest gets tight knowing I waited too long, like I’ve somehow made the wrong decision. That’s that feeling.
“Hi, Carly.” I try my best to muster a tone that passes as cheer, all while I’m actually trying to swallow down the bile rising in my throat.
“You look stunning tonight!” she says as she eyes me up and down. No one in Spearhead has ever seen me dress up, I realize. This is the first time I’ve even touched something from a hanger, aside from that first night at Liam’s. My chest gets tighter every time I think about him.
“Thank you, Carly. You look absolutely gorgeous, too.” My tone is more subdued, but I mean it, I hope she knows that. She looks amazing, in a tight, form-fitting black dress. She’s wearing heels, so her 5’3” finally surpasses my 5’5”. Her chocolate brown hair is in perfect beach waves down her back. Just like she’s never seen me dressed up, I’ve never seen her out of her chef’s coat and kitchen clogs. How is she still single?
She links arms with me, leading us straight to Colton’s.
“Where’s Liam? You guys didn’t come together?” I have a feeling I’ll just be repeating this over and over tonight.
“Uh, no, he had an errand to run. He’ll be here soon,” I hope. Whatever I say, triggers Carly, though. She stops me, eyes wide and says, “I can’t believe I forgot, let me see it.” I’m confused. It must show, because she expands, “The ring, I want to see it!” Oh.
I laugh a little. “Right, here it is.” I hold my hand up and she grasps it in hers, turning it back and forth. “Let me guess, Sandy told you?” I ask.
It’s her turn to laugh. “No, Liam had me do the cooking for the picnic. He had me make the miniature wedding cake, too. Did you like it?” It must still be sitting in the mudroom fridge.
“Oh, he ended up proposing spontaneously before his planned proposal, so I hate to say I haven’t gotten a chance to, but I hope I will tonight.” I give her my best smile, my stomach rolling.
“Spontaneously…sounds romantic.” Her eyes are bright and joyful. I should be like that, too. I was like that, eight hours ago.
“Yeah, it was.” I urge us to keep walking.
When we get outside Colton’s, Carly stops us. “Crud muffin, I forgot. You stay here, okay? Come inside in one minute!”
I laugh. “Okay,” and I do stand there for one minute, hoping to see Liam pull up, but he doesn’t.