Chapter 28
Matthias
I’ve been in the hospital waiting room for seven hours now. I keep hoping it’ll be my turn next, and even though I was the first person here this morning, it hasn’t happened yet. I was here last night, too, but since she didn’t have a room yet, I wasn’t allowed in. It’s also not like I’m next of kin or anything, just some ex-boyfriend from her youth. She probably barely remembers me, or if she does, she probably wouldn’t want to see me. But here I am anyway, desperate, hoping to see her.
Alex walks out of her room, coming back down the hall, giving me the nod. I’m on my feet instantly, heading the direction he just came. Finally. I pause when Alex calls out to someone behind me.
“Hey, man. Glad you could make it,” Alex says.
“Where is she?” the new guy asks.
“Room 304.” Alex turns back to me. “Matthias, think you could give him a minute to go first?” Who the fuck is this guy?
“Uh, sure. Why not?” What’s another hour? Just 17 years, plus another hour. Britain’s nurse rounds the corner as she’s getting ready to enter the room.
“Hold your horses, buddy,” she says to the new guy. “I need to get her changed. No visitors right now, okay?”
New guy is flustered by this. “I need to see my wife, right now.” Oh. The nurse's eyes go wide, same as mine. She just takes a step back and motions with her hand for him to enter, then heads back to her station to wait. So that’s Damian Scott, huh? Lucky bastard, should’ve been me.
By the time I finally tracked Britain down, she was married, with her second child on the way. It was hard to stomach the thought of some faceless man with her, but seeing him now only makes my blood boil. I’m still jealous. Pathetic.
I sit back down and Alex silently joins me, again.
“You know I wanted to kill you back then? For what you did to her.” This is the first time he’s spoken to me all day.
“You weren’t the only one. I wasn’t too big a fan of myself either. I’ve spent a lot of years regretting it, hating myself. Whatever you felt towards me, I bet I’ve already felt it towards myself. Ten fold.” Alex seems like the type to understand self-loathing. He just nods in consensus.
Damian’s already back out of her room, looking distraught. He runs a hand through his reddish hair before coming over to Alex and myself.
“I think I’m just gonna take her straight to the airport from here, take her home. The jet’s waiting. There’s no sense in prolonging this disaster any more.” Alex doesn’t immediately respond, just sits there thinking.
“I wouldn’t exactly call what she has back there ‘home,’ would you?” Alex finally responds.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Damian asks.
Alex just scoffs. “Why the fuck do you think it’d be a good idea to take her back to an empty, 6,000-square-foot house and leave her all alone? She’s just experienced a couple pretty traumatic events. She needs a couple nights sleep and a couple decent meals, surrounded by people who love her before I’ll feel comfortable sending her back there. What? Are you and your assistant going to come do a sleepover with her?”
“Fuck you, Alex. You haven’t even been around the last decade. Don’t try and pretend like you care. I’m still her husband, and I think she should come home with me.”
“And I’d say you fucking surrendered that title when you left her for your EA. So, no,” Alex says. This is quickly escalating. I was trying to stay out of it, but I’m not smart enough to just keep my mouth shut.
“Okay, okay. Let’s just take a pause, and think about what’s best for her,” I say.
Damian immediately turns to me. “And who the fuck are you?”
Alex responds before I get the chance. “He’s the one who broke her in the first place, 17 years ago.”
Damian’s eyes fill with disdain and he turns back to me. “So you’re the one who ruined my marriage, huh? The one she never got over. Hell, you’re a Greek god, no wonder.” Damian sounds fucking pissed. She never got over me? My stomach rolls with this realization.
Alex re-engages. “No, Damian you did a good job of ruining your marriage all on your own. Ain’t that right?” And that was the last straw. Damian swings at Alex. Bad move, man. Alex dodges easily. He looks like he's had a dozen more years of hand-to-hand combat training than Damian. Instead of disarming or de-escalating, Alex swings back. Wasn’t expecting that. I can hear the crack as his fist finds purchase. Damian stumbles backward, and Alex backs off.
“I’m tempted to not stop, but I don’t want my nieces to think their dad got his ass kicked. At least now you can say, ‘you should see the other guy.’”
Damian’s holding his bloody nose with a hand, but he starts laughing and Alex does, too, but it only lasts a moment before a nurse is out from behind her station.
“Alright, that’s it. You two, out. Off my floor, now!” She moves them to the elevator, and Alex calls out to me. “Let her know I’ll be waiting for her downstairs.” Damian doesn’t say anything, silently acknowledging he lost this round.
Seems like there’s a history there I’m not aware of, but I can at least piece together Damian left Britain for his assistant. Somehow she ended up with Liam in the interim. I still can’t wrap my head around that, yet. And now I’m here, trying to make a play after she’s just had a head injury at her engagement party.
I’m just about to rethink what the fuck I’m doing when one of the nurses pushes her in a wheelchair out of her room. For a second, my breathing, my heart beat — everything stops. It’s like a movie. I forgot what this was like, to see someone and everything else ceases to exist except for them.
She sees me and startles. I give her a small wave, trying my best to display a warm smile, but I can’t tell if I’m being overeager or not when she looks at me confused.
“I thought you’d left?” She knew I was here?
“Um, no. Still here. I was just waiting my turn.” She just nods. The nurse starts pushing her towards the elevator and I follow alongside. Guess this is it. I’ll take her to Alex, then head my separate way.
At the elevator, she finally speaks again. “Looks like I’m gonna make it. Thanks for checking in on me, but I’m fine.” Now I’m confused. It must show because she continues. “Alex said you were the one who found me last night?” She thinks I’m here for some sort of welfare check. Got it. I feel a bit stupid now, that’s definitely not why I’m here. I mean, of course I want to make sure she’s okay, but mostly I couldn’t miss my chance with her again.
“Right, okay. Glad to hear everything’s going to be okay then.”
“Yep, just peachy.” She gives me a fake smile then turns away from me, but I can still see the tears running down her face. I don’t know exactly what happened yesterday, but obviously something. Between Alex’s somber demeanor, Sandy coming out of Britain’s room bawling, and Damian looking distraught, I’d say the traumatic event wasn’t just the fainting and head injury. Shit. I know I look like a real jackass now.
Liam’s message was brief, nondescript. For all I knew, she broke up with him, but I’m beginning to think that’s not how it played out. You don’t show up to an engagement party when you just broke up with your fiancé, which means Liam broke up with her. And you don’t go to an engagement party for you and your fiancé if you’ve just been dumped, which means he probably did it there. Son of a bitch.
I don’t know what to do, but I put myself out there. “I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I’m sorry…I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”
“Are you sorry?” The look she gives me is the same as when she told me she’d never see me again. It’s ice and fury, burning and pain. “Sorry for the hurting I’m feeling now, or the hurting you did back then? Or sorry for ruining my life back then, or for ruining my life now? Which is it, Matthias?” The nurse gives me the side eye. Yeah, I get it, that sounded bad.
“Yes, all of it. I’m sorry for back then, I’m sorry for right now. I didn’t mean to ruin your life then, or now. I don’t know how I’m still ruining your life, but I’ll own it and apologize anyways, because I am sorry. Very sorry. I don’t think you’ll ever know how sorry I am.” So she definitely remembers me, and still hates me, too. Alright.
The elevator pings and the doors slide open. Britain and the nurse go in first, and I follow behind. I look at her as I step in, and damnit, she looks so fucking sad. And tired. I forgot what it’s like to hurt from someone else’s pain, too. She’s still the same gorgeous Britain, but she’s just a shell of who she used to be. Some could argue the same for me, I just think I’ve gotten really good at hiding it.
I realize I’m seeing her at a very vulnerable point. Traumatic experience, breakup, head injury, in a wheelchair, wearing scrubs, and I’m here trying to get her attention like an asshole. I’m finally getting my chance with Britain, but I’m so far up my own ass about it, I can’t read the damn room. That’s what desperation will do to you.
“I shouldn’t have come here today. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Everyone else came and got their slice of Britain’s embarrassment pie, why not you, too?” Her tone is punishing. It’s one of a woman scorned, again, and again, and again. I fucking get it, and I can’t say I blame her. Fuck it, I’ll probably never see her again after today. I turn to her, getting her attention.
“I didn’t come here today to see you down and out. Honestly, I didn’t even come to make sure you were okay. I came here today for the same reason I came to Colton’s last night. I couldn’t miss another chance with you. No matter how fleeting, or small the chance was, I couldn’t pass it up.
I’ve spent years waiting for you. Hoping you’d come back and hoping you’d get a divorce so I’d finally get to tell you about how wrong I was back then. How I didn’t just ruin your life, I ruined my own. I was deeply, madly in love with you when I broke up with you. And I still hear your voice getting ready to confess to me when I lay in bed at night, sleep eluding me because of you! You! From 17 years ago! It’s crazy, right?!”
The nurse isn’t even pretending to look away anymore. “And I showed up today without a second thought for what you were going through. I’m sorry. That was selfish of me, but I had to tell you before another day, hour, minute went by, that I’ve never gotten over you. I’ve never forgotten you no matter how hard I tried. You have haunted me every fucking day of my life since that night 17 years ago.” I release my breath before continuing.
“I chose wrong that night. I know I did because I see you today, and all I can think to myself is ‘I’m still in love with Britain Palomino.’” Our eyes are still locked and Britain is just sitting there in shock. The elevator door pings and slides open. Damian and Alex are waiting right in front of us.
“Who’s up for some In-N-Out?” Alex asks, overly cheerful for the occasion. The nurse rolls Britain out of the elevator, and I’m directly behind them. Britain doesn’t say anything, though. Well, at least I won’t have any regrets. I told her how I feel about her. I put it out there, and if she doesn’t want any part of it, I’ll accept it and finally move on. I’ll have to.
We all walk together in silence, out to the circular drive where Alex parked his Jeep. The nurse and Alex surround her, to help her out of the wheel chair as Damian and I stand back watching. She shoos them both away though. “I am capable of walking, but thank you.”
She passes her bag off to Alex before turning to Damian. “Damian, I’m going to take you up on your offer, and stay here for two more weeks. If the girls are in camp, there’s nothing in Virginia for me but a big empty house. I’ll be home when they get home from camp, though.” He just nods.
“Alex, I want In-N-Out, but I need clothes. Can you take me to Target first?”
“What about all your stuff at Liam’s?”
“I told Sandy she could donate it or burn it. I don’t want it.” Wow.
I’m still hanging around like a stray dog waiting for scraps. She realizes it at the same time as me.
“Matthias, can I talk to you privately for a brief moment?” I nod my head and lead her away from her brother and husband.
She’s standing in front of me, fidgeting, and when she finally looks up at me something like regret passes in her expression. “Why couldn’t it have just been you at Broken Ridge that day?” She shakes her head crossing her arms in front of her. “Matthias, your timing is absolute shit. Then, and now. Liam just dumped me, publicly, yesterday. I’ve just had a fall and hit my head, and I’m pregnant with the man I thought was the love of my life’s baby. I’m not unaffected by everything you just told me. I’m mad at myself right now because it did affect me. And I’m telling you all this because if I can’t be honest with you then seeing you again is completely pointless. That is, if you’d even want to see me again.”
I interrupt her to make my point clear. “I do, want to see you again.”
“Really?” she asks, astonished, unbelieving. “After I just told you all that, you would still want to see me again?” She holds up one hand, not letting me answer. “Wait, I should also mention that I have two teenage daughters, and I live in Virginia. It’s a non-negotiable. Also, did you hear the part where I said I was pregnant? With your ex-best friend's baby who I thought was the love of my life.”
“Yes, really.” I keep my tone completely serious. I don’t want her to doubt my sincerity for one second.
She drops her shoulders and her arms, and her voice turns quiet. “I can’t promise you anything. I don’t have much to give at the moment, and I won’t be here much longer. You’d be fine if this never becomes anything more than a rekindled friendship?” I’ll take anything.
“Yes.”
She sighs. “Okay, then maybe in a couple days we could meet for coffee. Well actually, I already know I’m not going to want to leave the house, so maybe you could come over for coffee. I’ll be at Georgia’s house until I leave.”
“Absolutely, I’ll look forward to it.” I smile for the first time all day, meaning it. I’ll take whatever she’s willing to give me. No matter how small, I want it. She doesn’t return the gesture, but that’s okay. Baby steps. Building blocks. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I’m in.