29. Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
“ M arcus,” I hiss when I’m seated next to him in my mother’s living room. “Start explaining. Now.”
He groans, running hands through his hair. “If I said I came here to apologize, you wouldn’t believe me, would you?”
I grit my teeth. “No. Absolutely not.”
Funny to think that at the beginning of the summer I would have died to see Marcus Matteson travel to apologize to me, rom-com style. Now, I don’t want anything less.
“You gotta believe me, Geeg,” he mutters. “I did come here for you. I just…” He scratches the back of his head. “I got distracted at a party, and my buddy bet me to—”
“Wait,” I sneer, holding up a hand to stop him. “You ended up with my mother over a bet?”
“I didn’t know it was your mom, Geeg! ” Marcus exclaims. “I just thought she was—”
“First of all,” I snap, standing up. I ball my hands into fists at my sides, staring down at Marcus. “It’s Gigi. Not Geeg. ”
His hands fly up defensively, his face reddening. “Okay? But Gigi, you’ve gotta understand—”
“Marcus, honey,” Belinda calls from the kitchen, “will you come help?”
Marcus stares up at me, wide-eyed. I step aside, motioning for him to lead the way.
“What the hell?” Marcus exclaims as he rounds the corner to the kitchen. “What the hell are you doing, bud ?”
Belinda tears away from Cade, eyes wide, lipstick smudging. “He kissed me,” she says quickly. “He just came on to me suddenly. He overpowered me.”
“Cade?” I ask in a whisper.
He’s in front of me in a second. “Gigi. She started saying all this weird, fucked up—”
“Don’t blame her,” Marcus sneers. “When you were the instigator.”
“In what god damn universe would I ever want to kiss my girlfriend’s mother? You’re just as fucked as she is,” Cade spits as he hooks his thumb toward Belinda, still standing there like a deer in headlights. She’s not even attempting to fix her lipstick. “You have no room to be involved in this,” Cade tells him. “I suggest you go.”
“I should hit you,” Marcus decides, “for making a move on my woman.”
I stare at Marcus, mouth agape. Cade would kill him, but it’s cute that he thinks he has a chance.
“That nutjob,” Cade explains through clenched teeth, “is not your anything.”
“Boys,” Belinda croons. “There’s absolutely no need to fight.”
I’m met with the most smug smile, a light in her eyes, like she’s excited to watch what she’s done. And then it all clicks. The dinner. Having her newest date show up, even if she didn’t know it was Marcus. Even getting Cade to work at the diner, I’m realizing, was all part of her plan.
She just wanted Cade for herself. Couldn’t stand the thought of me having something she lacked, even Cade.
My eyes are burning. I’m shaking so much that I’m unsure if my legs will let me cross the room to confront her. I don’t know how I get there, but I’m in front of her before I know it.
“You are,” I spit, “the most vile, the most selfish, heartless—”
“Gigi,” she says coyly, the smug grin breaking out into a devious smile, “that’s no way to talk to me.”
I snap my mouth shut, blinking at her.
She has no shame.
I can’t take it anymore.
“I have tried,” I begin, “to be okay with you. I have made every excuse for you. I have told my parents not to hate you, because surely there was a reason behind you leaving me behind. You weren’t a heartless bitch. There had to be a reason you abandoned me.
“And then this . I give you another chance, even though I haven’t heard from you since I graduated high school. You missed my graduation, you know. You didn’t bother to call and congratulate me, no card, nothing. You’ve never done anything that shows me you give a shit about me, Belinda. I am your daughter! I’m your child .”
The front door slams shut, and I’m relieved to see Cade still standing behind me protectively. Must have been Marcus who fled the scene.
I wouldn’t hesitate, either. I’d feel bad for him if I wasn’t so full of hatred.
“I had a cruise planned,” Belinda says. “I had a cruise. That’s why I didn’t come to graduation, sugar.” She places a hand on her hip, staring into my eyes. “See what your outburst has done? You’ve made Marcus think it was best he leave. You have no idea how to behave in front of guests, do you, sugar?”
“Stop fucking calling me that!” I exclaim. “I hate nicknames. I’ve never told you that, so you could keep the peace in your dreamland where you’re actually a good mother. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you know what? Fuck you and fuck your feelings, Belinda. It’s obvious you have never given a damn about mine.”
She’s unmoving—a soulless statue. “Are you willing to destroy your relationship with your mother over some little jealousy squabble, Gigi?”
My jaw drops. “You really think that’s all this is? That I’m jealous of you?”
She levels her gaze at me, lips pursed. “Clearly. Seeing me get attention this summer has evidently riled you. Plus, I’m sure your father is reeling at my success here while he lives his homely life.”
I take a breath, my shoulders shaking. “You will never understand, will you?” I feel a tear streak down my cheek. Another. I plead with my eyes and the ache that has started at the back of my throat to just hold out for a few more minutes.
“Why do you think I worked at your diner the whole time I’ve been here? You asked, and I wasn’t going to tell you no. But all you did was not pay me properly, make me work crazy hours, and take advantage of—” I take a breath, but the aching in my chest makes it hard.
“I didn’t force you,” she chides. “You offered.”
“Oh, my god,” I say, stepping back to put some much-needed distance between us. “You are unbelievable.”
“You’re being extremely unreasonable over nothing,” Belinda says flatly. “I don’t know what to say because I have no idea why you’re breaking down on me. On what was supposed to be a good day. A good dinner, that I—” She takes a breath as if to calm herself. “You know what? You will never appreciate what I do for you. It’s a shame that being stuck with your father and that woman made you so ungrateful.”
“My dad and my mom are the best parents,” I whisper. “They are the best parents in the entire universe. You don’t know a thing about that. You don’t know how to be a good parent, let alone be a parent at all.”
I turn, storming past Cade and up the stairs to start packing a bag. He follows me closely, and when we reach my bedroom, he clicks the door shut.
“Is it wrong of me to say that I’ve never been more turned on by you in my life than I am right now?” he mutters.
I throw a pink satin pillow at him. “Mommy issues turn you on? Now who’s the creep? Maybe you did make a move on her.” I cackle wetly.
“Give me the biggest fucking break, princess,” Cade sighs, his jaw pulsing. He loops an arm around my waist, pulling me into him and kissing the back of my head. “Pack quick so we can go get you some ice cream.”
“I never thought the woman who brought me into this world would be the one to try and steal my boyfriend from me.”
Cade’s eyebrows raise. The hairs on the back of his neck are surely standing at attention. “You know what I mean,” I tell him as we climb the stairs to the apartment.
His shoulders relax, like the tightly wound string finally has some give. “I know,” he says. “I want to drink bleach.”
“That’ll kill you,” I say flatly.
“Fine. Gargle bleach.”
I wince as Cade pushes the apartment door open and we step inside. Rory is on the couch, a book in her lap. “Hey,” she says. “How did dinner go?”
“It ended in a kiss,” Cade tells her, feigning joy. “It sucked, though, because Belinda kissed me and not Gigi. Or her date.”
Rory sits up, moving her book aside and clasping her hands in her lap. She stares at us thoughtfully, gaping. “What did you just say?”
“You heard him,” I tell her, falling down next to her on the couch. Cade takes a seat on the loveseat across the room. “When we showed up, her boyfriend was there. The funniest part? Her flavor of the week is my ex-boyfriend from Connecticut, and Belinda had him right where she wanted him. She kissed Cade to make him jealous, like she wanted him to see it and punch Cade in the face or something.” My shoulders sink. “I’m sorry, but we aren’t coworkers anymore.”
Rory frowns, giving me a disappointed look. “You quit?”
I nod. “I finally got some nerve, told her exactly why she’s the worst human being I’ve ever met. Safe to say I can’t work for her anymore or stay at her house.”
“You’re staying here,” Rory says, clasping our hands together. “I’m sorry, Gigi. That really sucks. Like really sucks.”
“You don’t live here,” Cade tells Rory. “You can’t decide who stays.”
“You don’t live here either, fuck face,” Rory tells Cade. “And it’s not like you don’t want your girlfriend here all the time.”
Cade goes to rebut, but snaps his mouth shut.
An excited chill goes down my spine.
“It’s decided,” Rory says, “you’re moving in. But how are you going to get your stuff?”
I chew indecisively on my cheek. “I guess I didn’t consider that. I packed what I could and left.”
“Looks like your boyfriend and I are getting your stuff for you,” Rory decides. “Can I use your house key?”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll go when she’s at the diner tomorrow and pack things up.”
“I’m coming with you,” Cade says.
“You have a shift tomorrow,” I remind him. “And I’m sure it’ll coincide with Belinda being at the diner.”
Cade considers this. “So, I’ll go after work.”
“I’m perfectly capable of packing a suitcase by myself,” I tell him. “I don’t need your help.”
Cade’s jaw flexes. “I beg to differ,” he muses.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” Cade whispers into my hair. We’re on the beach, in our secluded spot from the July fourth party. So far, Cade has gotten me ice cream, asked if I wanted any other comfort food, and demanded we go spend time outside so “my sadness can blow off of me.”
He doesn’t know much about consoling somebody, but I’m pleased he’s trying.
“ I’m sorry. I should be the one apologizing profusely. My mother accosted you.”
“But all I did was get an unwelcome smooch on the lips,” Cade says. “You think that hasn’t happened to me before?”
My eyes do what they do every time Cade speaks. It certainly feels like I’m doing it every time he speaks, anyway.
“You lost your relationship with your mother for good; I got an unsolicited kiss. Those are two totally different things, Gigi.”
“Still.” Every time he says “kiss,” the image of Belinda forcing Cade’s head down to her and pulling herself against him flashes through my mind. I wince.
“You’re allowed to be sad about it, you know.”
“I’m not sad about losing her,” I admit. “I’m happy she’s out of my life for good, and hurt over the scene she pulled tonight. I’m starting to think she hired you because that was her plan all along.”
“To kiss me?”
I shake my head. “To ruin something that was making me happy, so I’d have to spend time with her. Because all that matters in Belinda’s universe is her own feelings.” My heart hurts. I want to cry. I do. But my mind won’t let me. Like my brain is protecting me from a breakdown.
“It’s things like this that make me glad me and EJ’s dad just dipped,” Cade says, running grains of sand through his fingers.
I turn to look at him. His eyes, and frankly, the rest of him, look… sunken in. “What do you mean?”
“Well.” He swallows, clears his throat. “Like, that way, he couldn’t disappoint us repeatedly, right? He did his one-and-done act of neglect and didn’t try to take any prisoners.”
“I—”
“Gigi,” Cade says. “If you are about to try to defend that woman right now for the way she treats you, you’re a lunatic.”
“I was going to say you were right,” I tell Cade gently. “One big break is better than a bunch of tiny ones.”
And that applies to more than just my fractured, unrepairable relationship with the woman who gave birth to me and decidedly did little else.
“She’s always been like this?” Cade asks.
I nod. “Makes sense if you take a second to think. Who does Belinda love the most in this world?”
Cade hesitates. “College students? Sleeping with college students? I guess that last one is an activity.”
I would laugh if I had the means. “Herself. She loves herself more than she will ever be capable of loving someone else. Even her own daughter . She loves herself more than she will ever love me, if she feels anything positive toward me at all.”
“Gigi. I am so sorry.”
“Please stop apologizing. I knew this would happen with us, eventually. It was only a matter of time.”
“You lost your mom today.”
“I have a mom already, Cade. Belinda was the spare, and she’s not needed anymore.”
“You’re acting like you just popped a tire, not severed a familial tie.”
“I’ve been preparing for the depressive episode of Belinda being gone for good for a long time. I’ve cried enough about her not loving me. I feel numb right now.”
“You need a shower,” Cade decides. “The breeze didn’t blow off the sadness. Maybe a cleansing will.”
“I don’t think I can right now,” I tell him.
“I knew it was a bad idea to act like you had a choice,” Cade says. Before I can register what’s happening, he lifts me up into his chest.
It hits me instantly: clove, his warmth, the gentle caress he uses when he touches me. I’m upset he thinks he can’t be mine forever.
“You are taking a shower, whether you think it’s necessary or not.”
“Thank you,” I mumble into his chest.
He doesn’t reply, but I don’t expect him to.
Cade understands. That’s all I need.
It doesn’t occur to me until after I’m out of the shower, sopping wet, that I didn’t bring pajamas. And, in typical man-apartment fashion, there’s no towel hanging on the rack. I’m so used to those things being there, existing without me thinking about them.
Of course, I didn’t notice that—Cade was much too enamored with massaging pine-scented man shampoo into my hair. Or, I guess I was too enamored with the feeling of Cade’s hands massaging shampoo into my hair. It was our closest moment, the closest I’ve ever felt to who Cade truly is.
To who he wants to be, for me.
“Cade!” I call.
He clamors from his bed to where I am in the attached bathroom, opening the door an inch. Maybe two.
“Are you naked?” he asks.
“Yes. I need a towel. Please.”
Cade chuckles, and thirty seconds later, his tattooed arm is sticking out from behind the door, holding a towel. “Here.”
“You’ve seen me naked before,” I remind him. “A few minutes ago, actually.”
“This is a different kind of naked,” he says, and the statement makes my stomach jolt.
I get myself wrapped in the towel, making my way out to Cade.
“I may have forgotten pajamas.”
“Princess, you’re killing me.” He stands, walking over to his dresser and rummaging before pulling out a T-shirt. He starts to hand it to me, then switches gears. “Arms up,” he says.
“Give me the shirt,” I say. “I’ll go put it on.”
“We’ll slip this over your head,” Cade says, stepping closer to me. He’s warm, familiar, pine and clove, as he keeps the T-shirt from my hands.
I do as he instructs, lifting my arms. Cade holds my towel in place with one hand, deftly pulling the T-shirt over me with the other. He pulls the shirt down so it covers me to mid-thigh, then reaches up under the hem, his fingers moving up, up. “And then,” Cade says, making goosebumps rise on my skin and a chill cascade down my spine. He unties the knotted towel, his fingers steady. “We’ll get this towel off.” It pools at my feet.
“There,” he says. “All good.”
I never thought having a man help me dress was something that would ooze sex appeal.
But I understand why girls go to their boyfriend’s house without pajamas on purpose. Mollie did it once, and I thought that was the stupidest thing.
I get it now.
I totally, completely, undeniably get it now. Which leads me to stand here and gape at him, like a fish needing water.
“I think I’m feeling better,” I tell Cade, standing on my tiptoes to loop my arms around his neck. “Can I express how grateful I am? Do something in return?”
Cade rolls his eyes at me. For the first time ever, I think.
“No,” he says. “You just had the shittiest night ever. You aren’t about to go anywhere near my lower half, princess. No way.”
My heart does that thing again. Guys who don’t care wouldn’t be this respectful, right? Surely, a fling will want to fling you if asked, even after watching you cry and blubber about your sadness over a Styrofoam cup of strawberry ice cream.
Sex is sex.
“Come on,” I chide, my fingers tracing his waistband. “Please?”
His jaw clenches, and he steps away. I’m left cold, empty, missing his warmth.
“You,” he says slowly, “need sleep.” And then I’m airborne, only to be met with Cade’s bed.
I watch, bemused, as he wraps his comforter around my frame, tucking in the excess so I look like a human burrito.
“Cade!” I exclaim, laughing. “I’m stuck.” I wriggle, but to no avail. I really am stuck.
He brings his face close to mine, spearmint breath tickling my nose. “Good,” he whispers.
He kisses my forehead, then my nose. I catch myself pouting, wishing he’d kiss me kiss me. Just once.
Cade sits up. I frown, and he has the audacity to chuckle at me. “That’s how I want you.”
Oh yeah, I think as he leaves the room, telling me he needs to talk to EJ. This is definitely more than casual.