35. Chapter Thirty-five
Chapter Thirty-five
Samantha
I leaned against the wall in the hallway outside the restrooms, catching my breath. Another hour, and we could leave. Nate and I could curl up in his bed, and hopefully, I’d be able to convince him to nap with me.
God, a nap sounded like heaven right about now.
My shoulders felt like concrete, every muscle pulled tight. Actually, a massage would have been just as nice as a nap. Maybe I could convince Nate of that too.
A woman pushed out of the restroom, her high heels stuttering when she spotted me in the hall. I straightened, preparing myself for polite conversation with one of Louise’s old friends. Then I took her in, realizing who she was.
A dozen memories rose to the surface like a zombie’s hand breaching the dirt of its grave.
Rosalie laughing in the Wells’ kitchen while Nate looked at her like she hung the moon.
Rosalie helping Adrian with a French essay because she was perfectly fluent.
Rosalie slipping into family pictures seamlessly, as if she’d always been there.
Back then, I’d envied her, a gangly teenager with a hopeless crush. I’d wondered how someone could naturally know what to say, how to stand, how to belong, no matter where she was.
Elegant and curvy, Rosalie’s brunette waves tumbled over her shoulders and down her back. She crossed the hallway with practiced confidence, skyscraper heels silent now. Her black dress fit her perfectly, understated and tasteful, as though she’d considered every detail before walking out the door.
“Samantha? Is that you?” she asked in her lilting, sweet voice.
“Rosalie.” Finding my manners, I pressed my lips into a smile. “I didn’t know you were here.”
Why was she here?
“It’s good to see you.” Her smile faltered almost immediately. “I wish the circumstances were different.”
I nodded.
She smoothed invisible wrinkles from her dress. “I haven’t quite plucked up the courage to venture very far into the room yet. I wasn’t sure…well, I heard Mrs. Wells passed, and I thought I would come to pay my respects. Now that I’m here…”
As gently as I could manage, I said, “This isn’t an easy time for any of them. It might be better if you leave this alone.”
“Of course you’re right. I admit I peeked into the room. The flowers, the pictures, it’s all so lovely. And there’s quite the turnout, isn’t there?”
“She had a lot of friends.”
She fidgeted with her hair, the simple gold necklace at her throat, the buttons on the front of her dress. I’d never seen her less than completely sure of herself. This was disconcerting.
“I saw you with them. The brothers.”
“Okay…”
She flushed pink, turning her head slightly. “You’re still good friends with Adrian?”
“I am.” And I didn’t want to spend any more time on this conversation. “Actually, I should get back, so—”
“Are you and Nate together?”
There it was.
“We are.”
“Oh. Okay. I didn’t know.”
“How would you?”
She blinked, as though rearranging her own personal reality. “That’s not weird for the brothers?”
“What?”
“I always thought you were like a little sister to them all.”
“I’m not Nate’s little sister.” I took a retreating step. “I really should get back.”
She closed the small distance I’d gained. “How is he? Is he taking his medication?”
I stopped cold. “That’s not for me to share.”
“No…you’re right.” She rubbed her lips together. “It’s hard to stop being concerned for him. We were together so long, and I saw him through a lot of ups and downs. You probably remember some of it, but being inside a relationship with him is so different from seeing it from the outside.”
Boy, were my hackles raised. She wanted to remind me how long I’d been on the outside? I knew full well. She was the one on the outside now, and she didn’t know Nate anymore.
“You don’t need to be concerned for him, Rosalie. I understand you have history with him, but that’s all it is: history.” I folded my arms across my chest. “Is there anything else?”
Her brows dipped with consternation. “I’ve offended you, haven’t I?
I’m so sorry, but I think, when it comes to Nate, it’s best to be frank.
He’s easy to fall in love with, but loving him is a feat.
I think you should be prepared for that.
He’ll run if things become difficult, and you’ll be so bereft without him you’ll find yourself chasing him.
It’s a cycle, and it doesn’t end until you choose to remove yourself for the final time. ”
I barked a dry laugh. “It’s funny, when I first saw you walking out of the bathroom, I remembered you so differently.
I’d always envied the way you’d seemed to know the right thing to say and do.
But I was seeing you through a child’s eyes.
Now? You’ve shown up at your ex’s mother’s memorial to trash-talk him to his girlfriend.
There’s nothing appropriate about that. And I just wonder, have you ever considered you were the problem, Rosalie? ”
She schooled the outrage from her features in a blink, but she couldn’t quite keep it from the rise of her voice and tautness in her shoulders.
“I’m not perfect.” She didn’t sound like she actually meant that. “I did love Nate Wells. I loved him so much; if he had asked me to marry him, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, but it didn’t matter. She moved closer, raised her voice a little louder. “But if someone offered me the chance to go back and never meet him”—her eyes glimmered in the dim hallway lighting—“I would take it. ”
I pictured Nate being strong by Louise’s side. Forgiving her. Taking care of her in her final days.
He was in that room, exhausted to the bone, greeting mourners, comforting them. Thanking them for coming. Holding himself together because he had no other choice.
If he’d heard her say that…
Well…knowing Nate, he would have apologized.
And that was the moment I became sure I was in love with him.
I loved Nate Wells. Big. He was something special, and what he’d overcome, the circumstances he’d endured, the battles he’d won over his own mind, weren’t anything to take lightly.
Rosalie had known him once, but I knew him now, and what she was saying about him had no relevance here.
A fierce protectiveness ignited in me. I wouldn’t listen to another second of this. “You should leave, Rosalie. You being here won’t help anyone.”
She stumbled back, pressing the tips of her fingers to her mouth. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No.”
“That wasn’t kind.”
“It wasn’t.”
“I know you might not believe it, but I did love him very much.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’ll go. Please keep taking care of him, Samantha.”
I stayed in the hallway a few minutes longer after she left, giving myself time to settle down. The last thing Nate needed was for me to go back into that room angry.
But the audacity of that woman…wow. It was one thing to be bitter over a breakup. It was a whole other to come to Louise’s funeral and say those things.
I didn’t know who’d ended the relationship for the final time, and it didn’t matter. All I felt was relief that Nate was no longer in a situation like that.
By the time I’d opened the door to the memorial room, I’d buried all of it.
Nate had enough to bear. He didn’t need to carry her ghosts too.
That night, Nate held me close—as close as he could keep me without sharing skin. I touched his scruffy jaw, kissed the dip at the base of his throat. Something was vibrating beneath his surface, and it worried me.
For him, certainly. But for me too. Especially now that I’d discovered how far gone for him I was.
I was always alert, waiting for the end to come. On the edge of my seat for the words, “It’s over, Sammie.” Rationally, I knew that wasn’t where this was going. Not tonight.
But the side of me that had been braced for rejection since my formative years dug my fingers into the metaphorical arms of my chair, waiting.
“Go to sleep,” he whispered. “I’ll get there sooner or later.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
He gave my shoulders a squeeze. “I’m not falling apart. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
With a sigh, he turned his head to run his nose along my forehead and into my hair. “Thinking we need to have some fun, like the alpine slide. I want to make you smile like you did that day. I’ve been falling down on the job.”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting him to say.
Not at all.
“I hope I’m not a job.” I poked his chest. “You already have one of those.”
“Nah. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re my girl.”
I smiled against his skin, so pleased and relieved I could barely stay still. “Look—you did it! You got me to smile! And all you had to do was call me your girl.”
He took my chin between his fingers, tipping my head back. When he saw my smile, he mirrored it, though his was laced with exhaustion and didn’t reach his eyes.
He might’ve thought my smiles were his responsibility, but his peace was mine, and there was one sure way I knew how to shut his mind off.
Pushing up on my hands and knees, I hovered over him, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“You’ve had a long, long day, Natey.” I moved lower, kissing the center of his chest then the top of his abdomen. “You’ve been taking care of everyone. Let me take care of you.”
I crawled down his body, kissing and rubbing my face along his torso. His fingers tangled in the back of my hair as he mumbled half-hearted objections, making no real move to stop me. He even lifted his hips so I could pull down his pajama pants and briefs.
I took my time, drawing out his pleasure. His length was smooth and heavy in my mouth, and the sounds he made were music to my ears. He never stopped touching me, stroking my hair and jaw. Feeling my lips stretched around him, dipping his finger inside to follow my tongue.
He said things like, “You’re too good to me, sweet girl.”
And, “You don’t understand.”
And, “That’s right. How can you know what I need when I have no idea?”
And, “What would I do without you?”
He came with a sigh, filling my mouth, then went heavy beneath me, even before I returned to my spot on his chest. His eyes were slits as he turned his head toward me.
“Too good,” he mumbled.
“Go to sleep, Natey.”
His arm curled around me, holding me tight. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t. I’m not.”
His arm went even tighter. “Promise?”
“I promise. You’re stuck with me.”