34. Chapter Thirty-four
Chapter Thirty-four
Nate
Our mother hadn’t wanted any fanfare after her death. She’d chosen her final resting place—a plot in a park-like cemetery outside the city. She hadn’t wanted a viewing or anything religious.
So we hosted an open house in a private room at a restaurant. Louise had a lot of friends in Denver. A surprising number wandered in and out, looking at the pictures she’d requested we set up, offering their condolences.
Ben was surly in the corner of the room, not bothering to hide the fact he didn’t want anything to do with this.
Adrian was stone-faced half the time, and the other half he spent rolling his eyes at the artfully teary women downing complimentary glasses of wine and droning on and on about what a lovely woman Louise had been.
She might’ve been lovely to them. I believed it, actually. I’d spent the last couple months with her and had finally gotten to see that side of her.
I just wished she’d shown it a long time ago.
But it was too late for that. Adrian and Ben had let go of our mom years and years ago. To them, today was about standing on ceremony and being here for Roman and me. I didn’t think her passing meant much to them.
I wasn’t sure what it meant to me, but there was a pit in my gut that I couldn’t seem to shake. This probably hadn’t been the most optimal time to taper down my medication in order to switch to a new one, but I thought it would have been worse to be here and feel absolutely nothing.
Besides, after losing my mother, this impending dread might’ve been normal. It’d been so long since I could name my emotions, much less figure out what other people were feeling; I couldn’t find it in myself to try to chase the dread away.
Samantha strode across the room, a glass of wine in one hand, a beer in the other. When she reached me, she passed me the beer and pressed a kiss to my lips.
“How are you?” She leaned against my chest. Now she could chase the dread away, and did so without thought. As long as she was near, it was a quiet echo in the background.
“Exhausted.” I slipped my hand beneath her hair, grasping the back of her elegant neck. “I’m ready for this to be over.”
“Me too. I think Adrian and Ben agree.” She glanced over her shoulder at Roman at the center of a small crowd. “Thank god for Roman. His social battery doubles all ours combined.”
I clinked my bottle against her glass. “Even if it didn’t, he’d force it so we didn’t have to. He’s always been that way.”
She slid her fingers along my tie then straightened it with the press of her hand. “I don’t think Rebecca’s coming.”
“No.” I caught her hand, bringing it to my lips. “I suspect you’re right.”
“It’s a long trip.”
“Mmmhmm.”
It was a long trip, but that wasn’t all of it. Rebecca hadn’t been sad or mournful when Samantha had called her. She’d been pissed off. Absolutely seething. I’d taken the phone from Samantha to speak with her, and she hadn’t spared me her anger.
My mother hadn’t left her on the good terms she’d wanted me to believe. She’d snuck away with only a note, leaving Rebecca to take care of their house and dogs on her own, taking the choice completely out of her hands.
It’d been difficult to listen to, but since she couldn’t give it to my mom, I’d let her lay it all on me. After all, I knew exactly what it felt like to be left in the dust by Louise Wells.
“I hope she’ll be okay,” Samantha said.
“I do too.”
I rolled my forehead along hers, breathing her in. She’d been my stalwart support for weeks. I wasn’t sure many women would have stuck around for all this, and she’d done more than stick—she’d been solid by my side the whole time.
There was a dark voice in my head that never quite shut up. I’d had it for as long as I could remember. It was quiet now, only whispering shreds of doubt that soon this would be too much. I’d lean too hard, and she’d get tired of it, no matter how much she cared for me.
Before I could tell her to take a break, Adrian stomped over. “This is such a farce,” he uttered. “Do you think Louise has actually been in touch with any of these people?”
Samantha pulled back from my chest, fastening herself to my side. “I think it was probably a lot easier for them to forgive her for leaving town, so yeah, probably.”
He scoffed. “I don’t know how I feel about you being dragged into this. What, did she manage to charm you in her final days? That was what she did, you know. On her good days, she’d been the most charming, fun person in the room. If only it could have been all good days.”
“I wasn’t dragged.” Samantha gave him a light shove. “You’re not mad at me, so don’t try it, buddy. I’m not going to stand for it.”
He glared at her, but it slipped away just as fast and his head fell on her shoulder. She managed to put one arm around him while keeping the other around me.
“We’re all tired,” she murmured. “This will be over soon, and we can move on. Try to stick it out a little longer, okay?”
“Yeah,” he gruffed. “Sorry for being a dick to you. I’m not mad at you.”
“Like I said”—she patted his cheek—“be nice to Nate and Roman. I don’t think either of them have slept in a week.”
“Neither have you,” I pointed out.
“But you were already in a deficit,” she argued. “I worry about you.”
“Don’t worry about me.” I dropped my head to kiss her shoulder. “You already do enough of that. I’ll get some sleep tonight, as long as you’re with me.”
“Where else would I be?”
Adrian let out a low groan. “I don’t know. I thought the two of you were a good idea, but now I’m second-guessing myself. I’d rather not have to stand here listening to you being sweet to each other.”
Samantha shooed him with a flick of her hand. “Go sulk with Benny. He looks like he could use some company.”
He started to turn away but backtracked, slamming into me. His arms banded tight around my shoulders, and his breath came out in hard bursts.
“I hate this,” he mumbled into my suit jacket. “I hate it so fucking much, and you and Rome are bearing the brunt of this bullshit, as always.”
I grabbed him just as fiercely, pressing my cheek to his. “It is bullshit, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” He laughed bitterly. “Complete bullshit. Death, funerals, mourning a woman who’d already been gone. Christ, I hate this, Nate.”
It wasn’t long before Ben appeared, then Roman, crowding around me, sharing the same sentiment. I hadn’t realized I’d been waiting for this moment until it happened. And all I could feel was a great sense of relief to be in this with them.
Samantha slipped away, allowing us to be together—the four Wells boys. It’d always been us. Four corners, each different; but without one, the whole thing came tumbling down.