Chapter 45
Emmett
T
he weeks have felt dull despite the sun shining and the brisk air refusing to subside. January has come and gone, fading into February, and my life has gone back to the days blending together because they look almost identical. My demeanor is at a constant level just above pissed off, the slightest shift making me want to throw something at a wall just to feel an ounce of relief.
I haven’t heard from Drew since that day in the parking lot of her school, giving her the space she needed to grow on her own, even if letting her go was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
I have realized over these few weeks apart that I knew she was strong, but I didn’t do a good job of letting her know. Instead, I let my possessiveness take over, and all I wanted to do was protect her rather than support her. I don’t regret being there for her in her moments of need, but I do regret not helping her see how strong she truly is and reminding her of it every day.
The temptation to reach out has been heavy on my mind, along with waiting out in the elevator for the chance to run into her, just to see how she’s doing.
It’s been almost two weeks since students came back to school, and I’m sure it has not been easy for her.
Our schedules no longer align, and that is something I made sure of. Over Drew’s Winter Break and those months leading up to it, I learned when I could expect to run into her in the elevator either leaving or coming home. After she ended things, I decided that that wasn’t fair, for either of us. So, I have been taking all the closing shifts at the bar, leaving before she is even due to arrive home, and not coming home until she’s fast asleep. The late nights and getting back into going to the gym allow me to come home tired enough to sleep through her lead feed and butterfingers. Coming home so tired also helps my sleep deep enough to not have to worry about seeing her in my dreams, remembering what it is like to feel her in my arms.
As the first few days after we broke up went by, her smell lingered in my bed. That was when the dreams were most prominent. It was like I couldn’t escape them. It was similar to what I felt when Lennon died, but this pain was much more tolerable. It was less of a sharp sting and more of a dull ache but still hard to ignore.
“Hey, boss!” Eddie pulls me from my thoughts. I focus on what my eyes were looking at for the past few minutes to notice I had been drying a glass that was never wet.
“What’s up?”
“Why don’t you head out?”
“Nah, I’m good. Just tired.”
“Yeah, I know. You’ve been tired for almost a month now.”
And it’s true.
It’s been my excuse since my first shift after the last time I saw Drew. I knew both Eddie and Annie could see right through me, Luke not knowing me enough but able to tell a difference in my demeanor. But it is easier to say I am tired rather than dive into how I feel like my heart is no longer beating in my chest.
I’ve been in autopilot the past three and a half weeks, almost four weeks. I’m here but not really here. Doing my job, but not having the bloom of anticipation in my stomach at the thought of seeing Drew walk through the door, or sitting at the bar, or laying naked in my bed waiting for me to come home.
“It hasn’t been a month,” I reply.
“Same fucking difference. You’re miserable.”
“Seriously, man. I’m fine.”
“No. You’re not fine.”
I throw the towel I was holding onto the bar, “Damn it, Eddie! What do you want me to say? You’re right, I’m not. The girl I want doesn’t want me anymore, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” I lean onto my elbows, my head falling into my hands.
Eddie lets out a sigh. The place is empty aside from a few couples seated at the high tops, so he takes this moment to say what I’m sure he has been holding in.
“I’ve never seen you like this, Emmett. Not even when Riley left.”
“You didn’t even like Riley,” I mumble, my face still in my hands.
“You’re right. But I like Drew.”
“Yeah?” I let out a humorless laugh. “Well, I love her.” Eddie’s eyes widen at my admission, but I continue, “And she wants nothing to do with me.”
“Then you have a choice to make.”
“A choice?” He lost me.
“You can either move on,” he says, and the thought of that makes me literally sick to my stomach. “Or, you can fight like hell to get her back.”
I shake my head, knowing exactly what choice I would make but knowing it wouldn’t change anything.
“It’s not that simple, Eddie. I think she loves me too, but there’s something in her own way, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.”
This makes him think. I can see he is trying to think of the right thing to say, not to make me feel better but to help me figure out what the fuck to do.
“Why don’t you head home for the night? It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and I’m sure couples aren’t coming here to celebrate.” He places his hand on my shoulder.
The actual day, the 14th, fell on a Wednesday this year, but most of the celebrations waited for tonight and the rest of the weekend. “I can handle it while you take some time off.”
“What? That’s not what we were talking about.”
“I know, but I think there’s nothing for you to do but wait, and if you wait here, you’ll scare off the pretty single girls coming here to flirt with their handsome bartender tomorrow night.”
I push his hand off my shoulder and giving him a push to his. It’s the first time I laugh because something is funny rather than let out a sound that resembles laughter.
“Seriously,” he laughs, walking back to his side of the bar. “I can handle things here for the rest of the night and Saturday and Sunday too.” I let out a sigh, but I’m getting closer and closer to being convinced. “I’ll make sure Annie and Luke stay on top of their shit, and that they stay on opposite sides of the bar.” This gives me another laugh at the thought of the hard time we keep giving Annie for Luke’s crush on her. “I got this,” Eddie says, and he gives me a look that reinforces that I can take a few days off and trust he has things under control.
Finally, I give him a nod before heading to the back office to grab my things before heading home.
It’s about 7 o’clock in the evening by the time I get to the parking garage’s elevator, and this it’s the first time I’ve been out of the bar in almost month while most people are still awake. I push the button and wait in the frigid garage, looking down at my shoes and thinking how I need to get another pair of Vans before these disintegrate off my feet.
I hear the bell ring, and the doors open. I take a step forward before looking up and seeing a view I haven’t seen in weeks, but one that has been heavy on my brain.
My eyes start at the bottom and work their way up, starting with her shoes which are the same as mine, just a few sizes smaller. My eyes scan up Drew’s legs, and I see she is wearing my favorite pair of black jeans, the ones that wrap around her thighs and accentuate the curve of her ass in a way that makes me legs give out. She is bundled up in her black winter coat, but my eyes stop at the arm of her coat wrapped around someone else’s arm.
And that is when I finally see her face. Her hair is shorter and brighter, the red being less of a burgundy and more of crimson. It is down, framing her face that is surprised, as if I caught her when she was least expecting. One of my favorite views.
She was in the middle of a laugh with the stranger by her side when our eyes met. The widened look of hers makes them even more striking, like a meadow stretching wide, asking me to get lost in them.
And I do, just like the first time.
Only this time, I don’t think the flush in her cheeks is my doing.
It was the doing of the man standing beside her.